Jerusalem – In the religious and charedi sectors emotional violence is more prominent than physical violence, says Noah Korman, founder of Bat Melech, an organization that helps battered women in Israel’s charedi sector. Husbands from these sectors often commit abusive behavior through deprecating words, which can be no less degrading than upraised arms.
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“Most of the stories of this sort from the religious sector take place around the Shabbos table, which gets transformed into an arena for denigration,” explains Korman. “A husband who skips over his wife in handing out the Kiddush wine, who belittles her as he says divrei Torah, and there was even a case where a husband would wake up the whole family at 1:00 am and make them sit around the Shabbos table.”
Korman started Bat Melech ten years ago shortly after encountering three cases of violence in charedi families. Today charedi women of every description arrive at the shelter he set up, generally bringing their children as well.
Korman says he has had to deal with a range of complex problems. “There’s this idea that the charedi woman is not allowed to talk about it, but that’s not true at all, which I think is to our credit. When a woman has a place to turn to, it reduces the violence.”
“A battered woman with five kids and whose husband does not pay her support can’t go out to work because all the money she earns will go toward daycare. On the other hand, her children study in Chinuch Atzmai schools and she has to pay for tuition and buses,” says Noah Korman.
“As a rabbinical legal advisor I represented women and men in divorce proceedings, and one day a young woman from a Chassidic family came to me,” recalled Korman during a recent interview with Hebrew website Ynet. “When I asked her for her address she said she had none because she had run away from home a week and a half beforehand because of her husband’s violence. She had tried going to her parents, but they had 12 children and her mother said, ‘You got married? So go to your husband.’ She found herself out in the streets, and when I asked her why she didn’t go to a battered women’s shelter, she said she couldn’t because they were not suitable for her needs.”
Korman said he had been wholly unaware of the extent of the problem. “I studied and grew up in the charedi world and I had never heard of family violence. Though it’s a patriarchal way of life, it’s based on mutual respect,” he says.
Within a month after starting Bat Melech in a rented apartment it was filled to capacity. Today Bat Melech operates two shelters, one in Jerusalem and one in the Central Region, taking in 50 women per year. The organization also runs a halfway house, a legal aid department and has dozens of volunteers who act as surrogate sisters.
“There are amazing kehillos that can assist these women and their children, but no matter where they go they have a lot of hurdles to overcome,” says Korman. Charedi victims “have no alternative other than to return to the charedi community. They don’t go off the derech – in fact their emunoh gives them strength.”
To contact the Bat Melech emergency hotline or make a donation, in Israel dial 1-800-292-333.
I am interested in making a donation.we are a people striving for perfection with organizations of this caliber we will fix all the chincks in the chain.
Are our daughters being taught to recognize signs of a controlling or otherwise abusive partner? Are our sons taught how to communicate better and how to relate to their young wives, besides emulating what they’ve seen at home? Is there so much pressure in some circles to marry young that serious character defects and psychiatric problems go undetected or if noticed rationalized away? Are 3 choreographed, brief dates enough to determine whether one is marrying someone who is normal?
Why don’t they rather set up lectures for chassanim how to honor a wife and respect her, and stay away from the slightest abuse, even just using rough language, like the local chasidish chosson shiurim provide special advice on how to speak and treat a wife?
Appears to be a very important organization, but according to sholom bayis expetts with the charedim in Israel, there’s a very small percentage of abuse within the charedi world, but even this small fraction also has to be dealt with, every sole is an entire world. keep up the good work!
#4 I wouldn’t rely on “shalom bayis experts with the charedim in Israel”. I would bet that just like all other abuses in the charedi world, this category is swept under the rug.
But you are right that no matter how large or small this abused population is, they have to be helped and the abusers have to be dealt with and this is good work as well as most important.
“Are 3 choreographed, brief dates enough to determine whether one is marrying someone who is normal?”
It’s funny how the people who make such statements are the same ones that mock the extent of questions asked during the vetting process leading up to the “choreographed dates”. Take the entire process into account, check the statistics of the percentage of abusive relationships. Compare those numbers against any other segment of society, and if then the numbers show that the system isn’t light years ahead of any of its societal counterparts, by all means let us know.
I know leider of many gittim, not one that the man abused the wife! they were obviously not the nicest to their wives and got divorced pretty soon. while not denying that at times a fight with feelings gets ugly and perhaps in a fraction of times the wife has noone to turn to, this noach rotten to the core is just looking for some kovod.
hey bum child support is not when they are being abused. its only after a divorce! mixing everything into one big story just shows that he’s not genuine. that its fabricated.
where is this place located women have to know these things. how do they find out where it is
What a wonderful organization. How sad that no one has commented, condemning the acts of the abusers in these situations, and how sad it is that such an organization is needed.
chareidi society have abuse like every body else. But the shame of reporting it is great so the statistic are not a reflection of the real number of cases.
As far as dating, abuse has nothing to do how long people date. Many abuser where real nice for as long as they dated but once married they become abusive.
abuse is about control not if they get along or know each other a little better
thank you vos iz neais for posting this. will be donating!!