Badeken
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It is customary that the chosson is accompanied by his father, father in-law, family and friends to cover the face of the kallah. The accepted custom is that the chosson himself covers the kallah’s face with a veil. Many others such as the fathers and grandfathers cover the kallah’s face as well. This is done right before the chuppah. Some consider this to be the actual chuppah. Others say the kallah conceals her face as if to say that she is not interested in a different man-only her chosson. While others say it is done to show that we are not looking at her beauty only at her deeds and family. The face of the kallah is not revealed until after the chuppah. Many use a see-through veil.
Preparing for the Chuppah
The custom is that the parents of the chosson and kallah both bentch their children before walking down to the chuppah.
The chosson wears a white kittel to the chuppah. Some say the reason is because white resembles the day of death and it will cause the chosson to do teshuva. The chosson has the kittel placed on him by someone else. The custom is that one wears a different garment on top of the kittel. One should not place his left sleeve in the coat as a deviation from the normal way of wearing it; this is to remember the day of death since this is the custom of an avel.
Ashes on the Forehead
Before going to the chuppah, ashes are placed on the chosson’s forehead in the place where the tefillin are put onand the chosson should say im eshkacheich… Although some say the custom is to remove the ashes immediately after putting them on, it seems that most people leave the ashes on the chosson’s forehead. Some say that the kallah also gets ashes placed on her forehead. Some people do either the placing of the ashes or the breaking of the glass (see below), however, the custom of most people is to do both.
Emptying Pockets and Untying Knots
Some say since the chuppah is a time when one remembers the day of death and does teshuva, one should empty his pockets to remember that just as by death one does not take anything with him so too by the chuppah one does not take anything. Some say the reason is to show that we accept the chosson and kallah for what they are and not for what they wear. The custom is to undo the knots of one’s shoe and undo his tie.
Some think that by giving away one’s personal belongings to his friend etc before going to the chuppah it is some sort of segula. In reality, there is no such segula, and if one chooses do to so he may since they will make sure that it is watched properly.
The above article is reprinted with permission exclusive to VIN News from Halachically Speaking, a monthly publication compiled by Rabbi Moishe Dovid Lebovits, a former chaver kollel of Yeshiva Torah Vodaath and a musmach of Harav Yisroel Belsky Shlita. Rabbi Lebovits currently works as the Rabbinical Administrator for the KOF-K Kosher Supervision. To subscribe to Halachically Speaking via email for free sign up at www.thehalacha.com
great article keep them coming……
It should be noted this a very right wing view of the Chupah.
Badeken is also a kinyan since she doesn’t take it off her face she shows that she is giving herself over to the husband
What about the Sephardim & Yekkes who don’t do badeken?
“The custom is to undo the knots of one’s shoe and undo his tie.”
You know where else they empty your pockets, remove your shoelaces and undo (and remove) your tie before they walk you down? Prison. LOL!
Joking, of course, but so many of these minhagim are shtuyot. You think any of the avos did any of these things? Tannaim? Rishonim? These are Europshe superstitions. In Sephardic countries they don’t do any of this wedding nonsense.
I heard once a good eitzah
I did it
give ur child a bracha at home before u go to hall
like this u can talk out ur heart cry together give long brachos
in the hall in publick u give again fast bracha
Many of the minhagim cited have various reasons given.
In some chassidishe communities, it is the minhag that the chosson does not go to the badeken, only the mesader kidushin and the mechutanim.
The customary brocho given to the kallah at the badeken is אחותינו את היי לאלפי רבבה. One may add on additional brochos. Some recite additional psukim as well.
I explored the minhag of not wearing the left sleeve over the kittel. One discovery was that it had been commonplace for young men to maim themselves to be exempt from the military (presumably Russia, Poland). This was typically done on the non-dominant (left) hand. By wearing the coat without the left sleeve, it would conceal the blemish. There are similar customs that serve to protect chassanim and kallahs from shame. (Example – Sidur Kidushin – recitation of the Birchas Airusin is a brocho on a mitzvah that should be really said by the chosson. It is traditionally delegated to a Rav, because there were chassanim who were not adequately literate, and would be embarrassed in public.)
There are also those who put on the kittel under the chuppah, the chosson doing this himself, and not wearing an overcoat on top.
MINHAG YISROEL TORAH HU ;;;
How dare you make such comments
There are minhugim the Sefardim have and there are Minhugim that Ashkanasim have.It is obvious that your Chinuch is at a minimum.
I am sure you have all seen so called guides that are made available usually an baal tshuvishe chasunas where the reasons for many minchagim are explained for the benefit of non-frum guests. I never heard anybody having a problem with them. So why such a negative response to the article written by the rav who knows what he is writing about, #1 ?
Admittedly I have never been to an orthodox wedding. That said. All these customs save the kittel are new to me. The one which was the most surprising was the ashes. This article did not specify the reason for this part of the ceremony. I imagine it may have somthing else to do with death? I have to admit that I have always found that the christian tradition of putting ashes on the forehead and wearing them around all day long seems a bit unseemily! I do like the idea of empty pockets.
I like the part of emptying the pockets : symbolical of the empty pockets of the schver
Very nice – but why is the head line “Halachicly Speaking”? This is not halacha, they are fine and beautiful customs, but please dont mix it with halacha
I seem to remember (although I may be mistaken) that the Zohar suggests that the Chosson and Kalla are each accompanied by their respective parents. Is this not the American minhag?
“The custom is to undo the knots of one’s shoe and undo his tie.”
This practice may well be a Torah violation as it’s based on superstitions!
From James Frazer’s classic book, The Golden Bough:
“During the Middle Ages, and down to the 18th century, it seems to have been commonly held in Europe that the consummation of marriage could be prevented by anyone who, while the wedding ceremony was taking place, .. tied a knot in a cord, and then threw [it] away. …until it had been found and …. untied, no real union of the married pair was possible. …In 1718 the parliament of Bordeaux sentenced someone to be burned alive for having spread desolation through a whole family by means of knotted cords…The belief… appears to have lingered in the Highlands of Pertshire down to the end of the 18th century, for at that time it was still customary … to unloose carefully every knot in the clothes of the bride and groom before the …marriage ceremony. We meet with the same superstition … at the present day in Syria. The persons who help a Syrian groom to don his wedding garments take care that no knot is tied on them and no buton buttoned…”
תמים תהיה!
I have never seen most of these actually being used in practice.
Segulah #1 is to remember DEATH.
Segulah #2 Again, DEATH,
Segulah #3 DEATH.
Why mention ONLY these?
I think the writer has some issues, a chupah and its customs represent other things too.
Judaism is about living a happy and fulfilling life not about talking about DEATH
I recently married off one of my kids. Some of these minhagim were followed, others weren’t. If you choose not to follow one, or you choose to follow one, as long as it is not based upon an “avoda zara ” source, at worst, it’s harmless. So Mr (perhaps Mrs.) #1 , keep quiet!
I do not believe in these exestential extentions of traditional nor their propriety. According, seed rabinical advise from competant authority, not the usual.
What about quoting sources? Oops I forgot, most of these are not in Shulchan Aruch. Too bad most people can not look this stuff up themselves, otherwise no one would read this junk.