New York – For years we have heard the term “kids at risk” to label children who are seemingly heading off the derech, turning their backs on their families, their institutions of higher learning and the mesorah that they were raised with.
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But an enlightening and timely must read article in this past week edition of Mishpacha Magazine discussing an insidious and pervasive problem that seems to plague many of today’s youth: boys and girls who outwardly conform to society’s standards of frumkeit, but inwardly are completely disconnected from Yiddishkeit.
The article discusses the sudden surge of children who externally appear to be frum, yet in private have an apparent lack of emunah and yiras shomayim, picking and choosing their mitzvos, deciding to be michalel Shabbos, eat items of questionable kashrus or not to put on Tefillin.
“These children haven’t been turned off from Yiddishkeit,” said R’ Chaim Aaron Weinberg. “They just haven’t been turned on.”
What is the cause of this sudden decline in our precious children?
Experts who were consulted for the article including R’ Moshe Hillel Drew (a chinuch consultant), Reb Chaim and Mrs. Shifra Glancz (founder and director of Our Place in Brooklyn), Mrs. Rivka Goldberger (a Brooklyn mechaneches), R’ Daniel Mechanic (director of Project Chazon), R’ Dovid Sapirman (founder of Ani Maamin Foundation) and R’ Chaim Aaron Weinberg (Menahel, Yeshiva Ateret Torah, Brooklyn) seem to agree that it is the invasion of today’s deteriorating secular values into our society. Indeed with today’s technology not only are there countless ways that dangerous influences can be brought into our children’s lives including internet, cell phones, iPods and even handheld video game systems, but inappropriate activities can be easily hidden from parents and other authority figures.
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Reprinted with permission by Mishpacha Magazine exclusively to VIN News
So, it’s all about “the invasion of secular values” and not about their frustration over not accomplishing a darn thing, day in and day out, within the yeshiva system?
In other words, were it not for “the invasion of secular values,” these boys would be super learners and happy in school?
Or, would it be that were it not for “the invasion of secular values,” they would just accept their fate and not make trouble?
I know there are other (probably more important) causes for going off the derech but how about Mishpacha magazine help increase self confidence in girls by showing pictures of tzniyusdike girls and women in their family first edition. How do you thing girls feel about being erased from jewish history by never seeing role models of themselves in frum media?
In a few weeks we will read about Yakov Ovinu’s fight with the maloch of Eisov/Soton/Yetzer Hora. After Yakov wins he asks this maloch, What’s your name? The maloch answers, lomoh zeh tishal leshmi, why do you ask for my name, and he leaves. Asks Harav Chaim Dov Keller shlita, the maloch asked Yakov for his name and Yakov answered his name. When Yakov asked the maloch for his name, the maloch gives him a fudged answer. That’s not right. Why the fudged answer? Answers Rav Keller, Yakov asked the Yetzer Hora, what’s your name, what’s your characteristic. The Yetzer Hora answered, what’s the difference what I am now, that you won at this point. My name, my characteristic, my Yetzer Hora, will constantly change according to what I perceive I can do to corrupt your children and lead them away from your derech hachaim.
Each generation or several generations has had its own Yetzer Hora characteristic and temptations. Sometimes it results in the Yid throwing everrything off, sometimes its only the inside that goes. The Chidushey Harim says that if the Yetzer Hora really wants to get you, he’ll just erode your inside emunah and yiddishkeit and allow you to still wear the yiddishe levush.
I think the authors of the article don’t get it. They’re eager to blame outside influences like iPods (seriously?!) or the internet and lack of respect for authority. They want to boast of how few people ever leave Yiddishkeit, and to fix their problem with “OTD” kids, they want to turn Yiddishkeit into a prison. I’ll bet the warden at a maximum security prison has very few people leave his “derech.” This doesn’t translate into proof that high walls, barbed wire and guys with guns make the inmates happy and content. The world is far past the stage where most people can raise their children in a shtetl (and, from what my zeida told me about his shtetl, we should be grateful). Yiddishkeit will survive and flourish not by outlawing iPods or instilling more sycophantic, idolatrous behavior towards “gedolim.” It will survive– or not– based on its ability to “turn on” young people. And you can’t turn on young people by convincing them that what you’re selling can’t compete on equal terms with an iPod.
When you tell every kid that they are the next Gadol Hador and, suddenly, they’re 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21 – and they still break their teeth on a Gemara, and they have not been prepared with any useful skills – you have children that feel useless and Yiddishkeit is a burden. How about Chanoch L’naar Kfi Darcho? We had a whole generation of men growing to maturity in the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s that were successful in learning and in the professions and in building mosdos. What is so bad about that model? Why is it so disdained today?
If the issue is why kids are so frum externally but empty internally – then, among much of my unfortunate childhood memories, I cannot forget:
(1) the embarrassment that my principal caused, when he shouted at me for god-forbid going across the street to a candy store without my hat and jacket; He did not seem to care as much about anything else.
(2) my poor classmate, whose mother bought him sneakers with a speck of white on it (contrary to yeshiva’s policy of “no white sneakers”),who after weeks of trying to color the speck black, gave up and went back to wearing his old worn out shoes . . . We can all write a book on the disastrous chinuch of the yeshivas -circa 1980’s-90’s
Shkoach for the dvar torah
The real challenge, which Mishpacha fails to address is that a significant percentage of our kids who “drop out”, “go off the derech” or whatever you want to call it have found some degree of satisfaction and fulfillment in the secular world and secular values. In some cases, its a vocation or special talent that can only thrive in a secular world or in other cases, they want to live a more secular lifestyle, perhaps in a MO, conservative or unaffiliated jewish tradition. The normal response here on VIN is to consider them as goyim or worse, to brand them with all sorts of vile names and cut them off from the tizbur. Thats obviously a choice, but the real tragedy is that every study of the heimeshe community shows the numbers of these dropouts is growing and some will simply not come back into the fold if that means strict observance of torah and mitzvos. Do we abandon them or accept them at whatever level of observance they are willing to accept.
I do agree to a point that the outside world like internet tv can influence our kids in the wrong way, Yet I do put most of the blame on kids going off the derech in our
Yeshivah system that doesnt seem to understand the new generaition of children these days , They are still intsiling in our kids the same educaition from years ago and are not open minded to the chainges in our kids,
Yes there are these kids who are great students and do what they are supposed to do , Some may be really smart and are good actors and they know just how to act in Yeshivah and do what they want away from Yeshivah, Yet some kids just feel emptyness inside and they are not getting what they really need from thier teachers and rebbies,
The Yeshiva’s also make a horrible mistake of kicking out a student who may not be a typical Yeshivah bachur or Beis Yacov girl instead of Dealing with the child they find it easier to just kick out that child and it is shown that that is only the begining of a child going off the derech,.
You will find that most of these kids who go off the derech are really lost and are looking for some kind of happiness that perhaps they do not get at home or in Yeshivah.
It is always so much easier to blame outside influences that to take a good hard look at our OWN system and place blame where blame is due. Who are we kidding anyway? The baby boom generation who ARE the Roshei Yeshivas of today grew up playing stick ball with the goyim on the block, had TV’s in their home or watched TV next door at their neighbors. The candy store was filled with shmutz right out in the open for all to see and the magazines were not neatly placed in sealed plastics. It was common for every block to at least have a few basket ball hoops, and tag football or touch football included EVERYONE you could find, not just the JEWISH kids you went to school with. 13th Avenue was not the most popular street in BP, 14th Avenue was, well at least on Shabbos that is, if you don’t want to call all of these outside influences then I can get more specific like an X-rated movie house a hop, skip and jump away from the Mir in Flatbush.
Every generation has their outside influences but in prior generations we also had an infusion of yiddish pride, we were brought up as second generation survivors and we understood who we are and why we are Jews. Can we say that today?
Today, every Yeshiva is run like a business and it is only open to stroke the egos of those who run them. It has nothing to do with the students or what is beneficial to them or about CHINUCH BONIM. They system does not care about nor does it stress midos, mitzvos, or ahavas yisroel. The Role Models that stand in front of our children have nothing to do with the above they are just meant to enforce tznius, learning and following the rules. If students ask questions they are considered trouble makers. If they are in pain for whatever reason they are considered slackers. If they make mistakes they are thrown out and considered unworthy of their time and efforts. They will kiss up to yichus and money but look down upon emmeskeit and frumkeit.
They will tell every bas yisroel to marry a kollel boy and they tell every boy to stay in Kollel but they won’t take their children into yeshiva if they can’t pay tuition. They would rather see the children raised by shikses than by their own parents but they complain when the kids don’t turn out perfect.
There are more divorces in today’s Jewish families and kids suffer in dysfunctional homes. Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore.
There may be another reason that no one wants to admit – with the increasing issues of the ecomony – parents more involved in the day to day living, the schools are left to be the parents and that may be overwhelming – the results off the derech.
We have to open our hearts and minds and find ways to work with those disenfranchised souls – what the Charedi community appears to do is …off the derech – we have other children to think about.
The community as a whole has to work to help – not just blame outside causes. As someone said there were distractions all thorugh time.
With Hashem’s help we can help those who need our help.
Get over it, technology is here to stay. And the “leaders” of today and tomorrow must learn to deal with it. Outside influences have given these kids an out. You are blaming the messenger and not the message. Living in one of the Talibanesque towns of NJ, I am surrounded by the idea that the only thing a boy should do is learn..learn..learn. But wait, what if the boy does not want to? What if, and it might sound like blasphemy, not enjoy learning? Then what?
Our Gedolim are stuck in the 19th century. The obsession with wearing black and speaking and acting “haymish” don’t instill Judaism. These “chitzonios” instill the idea of dressing and acting to belong. Somewhere along the way, we forget about being observant Jews.
“…..it is the invasion of today’s deteriorating secular values into our society. Indeed with today’s technology not only are there countless ways that dangerous influences can be brought into our children’s lives including internet, cell phones, iPods and even handheld video game systems, but inappropriate activities can be easily hidden from parents and other authority figures.
This is only HALF the problem.
The other half of the problem is that kids emulate what they see and hear at home. It’s easy to blame “outside influences” but it’s very difficult and embarrassing to blame yourself or what goes on in your own home for the problems and lack of emunah in your child.
It’s always someone else’s fault. Right.
Look in the mirror and say: “What can I correct in myself, in my home, in my busy life to help my children??? Then just do it.
Every shaboss in shull I see countless good teenage boys who are happy in theyr Yeshiva midst.
They daven and learn the way they should.
What I would do is take a close look at which boys and theyr famillys are succeeding and work backwards from there.
The problem is with the Heimishe Community itself, they want everything perfect. If someone is not perfect, they get thrown out with yesterday’s garbage. Why on earth should these kids stay as lepers in a community that doesn’t want them.
More and more emphasis is placed on fitting in with the frum look, and less and less is placed on the intrinsic beauty of our Torah and heritage. Clearly this will not work for the current generation.
A pure focus on the removal of outside influence has clearly failed. You can find OTD kids in the most eirlich, attentive, careful, and frum families. But these kids aren’t given any reason for loving the mitzvot. They are taught to do them because, “it’s what we do,” and that’s not enough.
Why not take a page from the kiruv programs and point some of their techniques and enthusiasm at our own children BEFORE they lose interest?
It’s not us!!! It’s the boogeyman, i.e. secular culture.
Again, it has nothing to do with the education system or us educators!!!
What a joke.
To #4 : how do you think we can compete and turn people on with such technology? Do you have an updated new invention which would actually excite a boy to learn a chumash/gemara more than playing with his ipod? Please don’t tell me that its the rebbes fault for not being excited enough. The same yetzer hara has been around for many years, only now its too easily accessible. In the old days there was an embarrassment to walk in the movie theater, today there’s no embarrassment cause you have a device which gives you the same thing on your phone without anyone knowing. The proof is in your face with more and more kids who have this access, living this double type of life.
I find this really incredible. This article itself is the greatest proof why children are going off in this manor. I point to the anecdote about the father who reacted non chalantly to a child turning on a light and berating the same child for knocking over a vase. This was pointed to as the cause for the incredible fact that this baal habus did not have any children who were long term learners. Is anyone able to see anything wrong with such a question? We are raising a generation of children that feel insecure about wanting to be productive in things other than sitting and learning all day. It is untenable, as well as without historical precedent that it should be a dovor pashut that a person should be sitting and learning lolam vaed.
Children look at their future and don’t see the possiblity of becoming themselves. Why shouldn’t they pretend to be someone else?
I also find it incredible that abuse was mentioned klacher yad. It has been pointed to over and over again.
Finally, I am astounded at the “experts” consulted. Not one of them has professional credentials. One may say this is an issue of yiddishkeitr and not mental health. And as a Rav and a therapist, I say its both.
I read it and it was a white wash of the real problems the problem is they interviewed the problem and they shifted the blame from their failures to everyone else our children running are for many reasons cheifly the yeshiva system of eclusion and intolerance rebbi’s that should be anywhere but there. they blamed it on children with emotional and learning problems from the kids i’ve met vast masjority are highly inteligent and stable and yes many come from chareide homes with parents that work in yeshivas on varying levels.
Whats unsaid is that the small but growing number of yeshivot and beis yaakovs that have found creative ways to incorporate modern technology including the internet and web-based phones and PDAs, modern music, electronic teaching materials etc. into their instructional programs have shown a much lower rate of attrition than the traditional, rigid, dark-hat schools that shun modern technology. The really sad part is that tens of thousand of yiddeshe children will be lost because the rabbonim responsible for chinuch are blind to the real world and are desparately trying to keep these children in a dark, walled-off ghetto. B’yh they will be run over by the overwhelming tide of new innovations that the Ebeshters has provided to use to use with discretion and responsbility. As to their argument about the “yetzer horah” can lead to all sorts of prtizus, they can take their yetzer horahs and use them for clinical studies of why they lost a generation of our youth their mindless fears.
You can’t knock the authors of this article for what they write and suggest or for their view identifying the issues and its causes. They are writing this le’shem shomayim. This is their view as respected and established mechanchim. Obviously the kids or post-kids will have a different view. Every one of us past the age of 30 had many nisyonos over the years. The best cases didn’t allow these temptations to push them off the derech. The worst cases fell apart and either went off or just became outer shells with no inner yiddishkeit r’l. We can all write horror stories from yeshiva. Our personal past life histories should not be used to knock highly qualified professionals from explaining the issues or positing solutions. Why don’t you read the article with an objective eye and afterwards see how you fit in and how the article may have helped you.
I was one of those “at risk” teenagers. I went through the system, and brauch hashem i made it back.The only reason I was able to come back was because of people in the frum community that ACTUALLY cared! So instead of trying to find reasons for why kids are “at risk”, because there are so many! and each reasonn is probably true for different kids (not every kid goes off for the same reason), maybe everyone writing comments should actually get involved! Find a kid out there that needs help, and lend a caring shoulder! Make them feel like there important, most of the time a little love can and will go a long way!
To # 10 & 11 – Sheree:
Excellent!! To the point!!
Blame the Mirror….Take a roll of towel paper and bottle of Windex and make your mirror sparkling shiny clean…LOOK inside and ask your self…Do i really want something better from my kids who just left for Yeshiveh on the bus.? Did my kids see me last night at a shier in beis hamedresh or home.? Did my kids see me read krishma from a sidder and prepare nagel vasser.? Did my kids see me shabbos in shul NOT talking during davening or krias hatorah.? Did my children see me motzel shabbos learning with my kids.? Did my kids hear a dvar torah from me friday night at the table.? Did my kids hear me discuss all gossip at the shabbos table including how corrupt my kids rebbes and teachers are.? Did my kids see at the shabbos table all those foods that came on the table with NO reliable hechsher.? If you are HAPPY what you see in the MIRROR then BLAME the yeshives for your kids failure and if you are upset what you SEE take a hammar and crack the mirror and BLAME yourself before the rebbes in classroom..
I was 15 years when I was deported from Vienna to Lodz Ghetto and the locals[bnei yisroel] rejoiced on the death of the “yekkes”, liberated in Buchenwald needed care and AJDC sold items on the black market fortunately I received the medicine through relatives from N.Y.C . The American looked down on us like disposable merchandise. Luckily I had the finest of parents and returned with the help of a chasidish Rebbe to what I was in Vienna and my children are the finest. The problem when I had little money I bought one size fits everybody . That is fine in a robe and clothing but not in human nature. Yeshivas pounding how many blatt you learn is not for everybody either. Instead of taking separate vacation include you children. Instead of running to shiurim sit down with your son/daughter and talked to them. Friday sing zmiros and most be a baal chesed
The main reason that KIDS are going off the derech, is that ADULTS are already off the derech and just giving a facade of frumkeit with little yiddishkeit underneath. Once kids see through this, they just give up the facade.
Look at the gap between the letters here and the article. The hardest thing is to look inward. We still glorify the shtetl – there were many dropout from the shtetl life too and there were few, if any, outside influences – no TV, radio or even many telephones. There is not only rigid black and white (pun intended) but other colors. Why mock the MO’s who are strict shomrei torah but also have professions? That should not be considered off the derech.
Why is secular society always blamed? Let’s take a look at what happens behind closed doors and what is covered up. The secrets these kids must keep one wonders why they DON’T decline!
I hate to be the one to point this out, but…..
Its well known (I’ve heard it from the son of the source) that R Yaakov Kaminetzky said that in Europe before the war the children were the same way. He said that on shabbos they would approach you with treif sausages in their jackets offering them out.
Now I don’t have an answer to this issue. But I’m pretty sure that they didnt have Ipods or internet back then. So if not, what was the excuse then?
They were for the most part much more isolated than anyone today can possibly be, even in Bnei Brak.
So what now?? Who or what is left to blame? Maybe we should be looking into ourselves and asking what WE can change. NOT what THEY can change?
I note that those interviewed for the article posted are frum educators. No one OTD was interviewed. No psychologists/psychiatrists/social workers are included. No parents. No one that was OTD and returned. All this presents is a single, unified view of the issue, that will, of course, condemn the secular world as being the cause of the problem.
All of the secular opportunities are the way people go OTD, not the reasons.
For those who are looking for a better analysis, I’d suggest “Off The Derech” by Faranak Margolese. No, it’s not perfect, but it’s far better than this article, and looks at multiple issues and perspectives.
The magazine somehow manages to be attuned to every issue in our community and always presents an insightful, intelligent argument. Kudos to them.
the rabbis and teachers blame every one and everything but themselves.what else is new?
Some time ago a Rav in one of the most chushive leading mosdos stated that the difficulty in shiduchim is a “gezeira min hashomayim”No, it is man made gezeira. Learning a trade or going to college is treife . Thesechurim expect to sit an lean ad hoolam and of course well dressed as befitting a “talmid chochom” Ever heard of the taanim listed in Prike Avoth, i.e. Reb Yoshanan h’sandler. Somebody in my mishpocha married a fine erliche yunger man , plumber and her girlfriends told her how do you marry a plumber. What is true a general needs an Army and you must fill up Yeshivas. A melech ‘lo hamlucha does not work. So men begrub more and more young men. What is lacking is derech eretz and midos
why should they mention handheld devices at the end of this?
can there be a better way to demonstrate utter inadequacy, than to take away the ipod of a kid who is struggling with his jewish identity?
but thats the belief today. by taking it away, these ‘geniuses’ think they are doing the right thing.
R’ Shlomo Freifeld used to say to teachers who take things away – ‘give it back. it just teaches them that rebbeim steal. then – TEACH them why its wrong’
so lacking. im not surprised at all
trhe most telling tale is that they didnt interview any of the children and there are hundreds in lakewood they didnt interview two of the promenent names in working and understsnding these children onec who lives in lakewood and is very known to the magazine and the other a therapest and rebba in flatbush they blame the economy its up its down they blame the parent body our kids go to school 6 days a week from 7am till late they blame the internet they blame everyone but THEM SELVES we had the haitashburies and drugs candc free love as well as pot and lsd when i went to yeshiva but we were taught that there are two worlds we walk in but one we live in
the problem is the yeshiva system it self the kollel mentality and our weak rabbis as parents today you either except it or your child is out of yeshiva no if ans or buts
these are private institutions that control us we either confirm to their limited views or get out and they will follow you if you teek them off
how about the fact of the rabbenim covering up and protecting the pediphiles.every talmid knows of this.who will stand and say even tho they don’t practice what they preach i will understand they stink and will take what they preach seriously.our children are jewish.there no fools.
What is so wrong to get up learn everyday at 5 in the morning, go to work come home to school work with your kids and learn again at night? Is there anything wrong with getting a college education. There are many “kosher” ways to get it whether it be via touro or online. As mentioned not everyone enjoys learning or has the smarts for it. Allowing them to get and education gives them happiness they feel accomplished and the time they spend learning they cherish. How much wasted time goes on in a yeashivah schedule between the bein hasedarim and batalah during learning. In a working office environment breaks are accounted for bull sessions are accounted for. There is no one path for everyone. Chanoch lnar al pi darko and torah im derech eretz are not modern ideas and philosphies. There are guidlines for every person who call themselves an educator. And why are the educators in our kids schools people who have no real education in dealing with children in the ways they think and learn. Why are rabbeim and teachers not required to have degrees in psychology?
Just ranting
These children are not to be labeled “children at risk” but s/b “CHILDREN WITH HOPE”
Also why did you take off Rabbi Aron Krausz’ drasha ? He’s talking about these children and is 1000% to the point. Please “pin” it back.
Thanks
The article states that we did not have this problem in previous generations. Simply false. We’ve had this problem before, all one needs to ask is how many people were actually frum in Europe from the mid 1800’s.
We have seen the articles where the Gedolim of the 1800’s introduced the concept of acceptable losses into Yiddishkeit. They were willing to sacrifice whatever number of Yidden it took to ensure that there was a core of Gedolim that survived. One should read the defense of Rav Hirsch’s mehalech in combating the Maskilim that R’ Schwab wrote to fully understand what had happened.
The Maskilim of today are completely automated. The content that we try and protect our children from has no less impact than the intellectual content esposed by the Maskillim.
The problem we have is our approach has not changed. It is a sad comment in the article that the students could not articulate why they are frum.
The definition of insanity as per Einstein is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different approach. None of the recommendations in this article articulated anything close to a different approach.
Perhaps we need to view each Neshama as important.
There is no doubt that the attractions of the world at large are a big temptation and distraction to our children. And indeed it is now easier than ever to access the visual “fleshpots” of secular society. Technology is a double edged sword. But we take it as axiomatic that the Torah constitutes universal truth and is timeless. If that is true, than the Torah, G-d’s message to the world, must compete in the fair marketplace of ideas and win. Either our educators, parents, gedolim and all those who lay claim to being the conduits of our Mesorah to the next generation will figure out how to compete in that fair marketplace of ideas, or our system of religious observance will be consigned to the ash heaps of history. If our system is, in fact what G-d wants of us, that won’t happen. But perhaps the increasing numbers of those who drop out of our ranks, is an indicator that we don’t have things “just right” from His perspective? One way or the other, His will is always done.
Blaming the internet, iPods, etc. as if simply erradicating those will magically solve every struggle any child faces is ludicrous. If someone becomes an alcoholic, do we say it’s because they accidentally stumbled upon a bottle of liquor? That’s how that story of the perfect boy who turned into a shabbos desecrator by accidentally seeing inappropriate images sounds. Even if that’s even a true story, the parents and educators are in denial. Something much deeper, psychologically, is plaguing that poor boy, and he needs more help than staying away from unrestricted wireless internet. Just as an alcoholic has deeper issues than simply drinking liquor– even if you protect an alcoholic from liquor his whole life, if he doesn’t solve the underlying problems, the pain will manifest itself somewhere, somehow else. Everything listed in this article is a symptom, not a cause.
and how about the case of rav nadel z”tzl one of the two important talmidim of the chozon eish z”tzl.the other being rav greenerman.i know there were others.rav nadel brought a shforno which he made a perush that held a certain inference.this chidush was not part of the package which talmidim are expected to except without question.rav nadels sforim were thrown out of bookstores in bnie brak.i think our chinuch package needs a strong looking at.
Its because we dont punish our kids, only reward reward reward. Lets bring back the potch!
Is this Mrs. Goldberger from Machon?
Rather than fret about which of our kids are “going off the derech”.. Why not exalt in the ones who RETURN TO JUDAISM? Make these people a topic of discussion. No one loses his or her Jewish Inheritance, but they surely can be absent without leave! A kid who goes off the derech to you is about 100 times ahead of some of the poor children who do not grow up in a religious community. Work on your own family structure and bring your kids to Torah.
The comments here are mostly frustrated and that’s the point. Mishpacha doesn’t get it and neither do the “experts” they interviewed.
What if 10%, maybe 20% of youth just dont get it? So what? Why is this a new phenomenom? Dont tell me Europe didnt have this same problem. So they left town and went to the big city or to America and werent Frum. But they were still Family. Religion is not for everyone and it is arrogant and foolish of us to think it is. Just like not everyone can be a scientist, plumber, writer, etc. It just doesnt go into someone’s head. SO what?? Let him be a good, outstanding citizen in society to the extent he can, not a robber or drug addict or crazy person. Why is everyone so upset? Let them go and find themselves and meanwhile give them all the love and support you can. Otherwise, they turn to drugs, alcohol, etc.
The reason why Jewish children wear Judaism on their sleeve but not in their hearts is because toady’s generation is exclusively focused on externalities. This is a real turn off to many, if not, most. To many, it is a religion of ritual without meaning. Unfortunately, we have very few mechanchim today that are true baalei machashava, who can impart and instill deeper meaning. For example, a typical 21 year old today, even an excellent student, has no better understanding of Avrohom Avinu than when he was 6 years old – and was never taught to deepen his knowledge. His understanding of Davening has not improved much either.At best, he’ll know a few more Midrashim or some clever Gematriyas.The learning is rote. There has to be deeper understanding of what it is that we do and study. Make Yiddishkeit meaningful – not “Mitzvas Anoshim V’limudov.”