New York – The time has come for genuine Chasidim/Charedim to shatter our insularity and show our true colors. I take umbrage at zealots, who brazenly desecrate our heritage and culture in the name of G-D. The zealotry displayed against young Na’ama Margolese is antithetical to our beliefs and Torah values. As a Chasidic attorney, practicing law among my fellow Chasidim, representing men and women, I can attest to the fact that the vast majority of Chasidim respect women; and that our practice of division among the genders is harmonious and congruent with our strong family values. The actions of the Sikarikim, depicted in recent news reports, spitting on girls and parading children in Nazi prison uniforms must be strongly condemned and the lifestyle of true Chasidim, must be revealed.
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Chasidic women are not subjugated nor are we submissive or dictated by masculine fiat. While we respect our tradition and primary role as wives, mothers and caretakers, we are also educated, balanced, content and often professional. We are not degraded, yet we prefer to sit among women on public transportation. But, in no way, does that give zealots the right to force others to conform to our standards.
Fanaticism is a distorted belief or behavior involving uncritical zeal, particularly for an extreme religious cause with obsessive enthusiasm.
Charedi fanatics twist Halacha, are prejudiced and demonize anyone they oppose. As an example, when Rav Shteinman, the illustrious Torah sage from Israel, visited New York a few years ago, he was heckled by zealots, to protest a Halachic ruling he made. I wrote an article explaining the danger of those zealot extremists, who others considered an insignificant group to be ignored – current events prove them wrong .
Extreme zealousness is a manifestation of religious fanaticism, has eroded Jewish unity and has become a cultural infectious ideological malady infecting the Charedi world and publicly mischaracterizing us.
Since founding B’Derech in 2008, the organization dedicated to advocating for Chasidic youth, I have counseled countless adolescents and adults concerning the growing phenomenon of youth leaving the fold, frequently as a result of acts of zealotry. Contemporary zealousness in the name of holiness has caused the banning of respected, widely read Jewish magazines, concerts by religious Jewish singers, technology, and shops, instigated sibling rivalry among leaders, restrictive admissions policies of our schools, rigorous yeshiva curriculum and the harboring of abusers and molesters. They coerce the innocent by intimidation and manipulation, such as threats of expelling or rejecting families from shuls, children from yeshivas, or interference with shidduchim.
Secularists, argue that Judaism must rely on feminist doctrine to guarantee fair treatment of its women – I disagree. Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal, political, economic, and social rights and equal opportunities for women. However, for centuries preceding feminist movements, the Torah has held women in high regard.
The Torah relates that the greatness and intuitiveness of our matriarchs surpassed the patriarchs. For example, G-D told Avraham “Everything Sarah says, you should listen to her voice…” (Bereishis 21:9-13). The boys grew up and Eisav became one who knows hunting, a man of the field, and Yaakov was a man abiding in tents. Yitzchak loved Eisav, for venison was in his mouth; but Rivkah loved Yaakov (Bereishis 25:27-28). When the Jews were taken into exile by the Babylonians, the patriarchs begged G-D to have mercy on His children. It was only to the matriarch Rachel that G-D made his everlasting promise that her children will be returned to their borders and to their status of the beloved of G-D and that the enemies of Israel will never triumph (Yirmiyahu 31:14-16).
As a volunteer court attorney in the New York City Family Court, I counsel litigants on a host of issues dealing with custody, visitation and child support. The numerous women litigants who seek my counsel, are not from the Charedi world nor do they share our family values. They come for help to fight for child support from multiple men who broke promises of marriage and left them bereft to raise their children alone – they are discriminated and victims, not Charedi wives and mothers raising beautiful, Torah observant families.
While, I am proud to be the wife of a devout Chasidic Talmudic scholar, mother and grandmother of a Chassidic family, I have experienced encounters with zealous ideologists which highlight the need for the silent majority to speak.
On a recent trip to Israel working with American kids at risk, rejected from American yeshivas, I was talking to one of the boys in the streets of Jerusalem. Suddenly, a frightening figure appeared from a dark alley and began following us. The figure resembled an executioner of the Dark Ages, dressed in a long black robe, long beard protruding from his masked face, chain around his neck and swinging what appeared to be a club in his hand. I subsequently learned this was a member of the self-appointed, zealous guardians known as the Vaad Hatznius that patrol the streets, frequently using terror tactics.
A couple of years ago, a yeshiva opened up in Williamsburg for Chasidic boys who need more recreation and less stringency. When zealots became aware that the Rosh Yeshiva played a musical instrument and allowed the boys physical activity, they wanted the yeshiva shut down. They harassed the students, maligned the Rosh Yeshiva as a cult leader, and campaigned to numerous rabbis, law enforcement authorities and the courts, to order the closing of the yeshiva. When it became public that I was defending the yeshiva, I received threats. One of my married sons was engaged at that time and a woman called me threatening to call the mechutan and break the shidduch by sharing some “secret” she claimed she knew. I promptly told her to go right ahead and offered my assistance if she needed his phone number.
During the formative years of the venerable Hatzolah organization, its original founders facilitated training women to serve women, primarily in cases of emergency childbirth. By 1981 approximately 300 women were trained EMTs (75 were from Kiryas Joel and more than 200 from Brooklyn). Shortly after the women began serving, zealous cries came from Williamsburg, accusing the women volunteers of violating tznius standards. The women EMTs were humiliated and expelled from the organization; subsequently the original founders resigned.
The Mishpacha Family First 2/23/2011 edition featured a heartwarming story describing the saga of these modest women. The article contained a side column featuring the Women’s Division of New Square Hatzolah, established by the Rebbe four years ago, highlighting their success, professionalism and modesty. The rejected EMTs, and their supporters who tried to defend them over the past thirty years, were disparaged and silenced. They have recently asked me to advocate on their behalf, to be permitted to serve for emergency childbirth, pursuant to Halachic authority. If New Square Hatzolah and United Hatzalah of Israel both allow women to serve, there must be a way to do so in other religious communities.
Zealous extremists, who distort Torah values, comprise the minority of religious Charedi Jews. In my practice as a real estate attorney, I have the privilege of representing both men and women in Brooklyn and in the upstate villages of New Square and Kiryas Joel. I have developed business relationships based on mutual respect and have the privilege of working with Dayanim when dispute resolution is necessary; and have personally met the rebbetzins and rebbes of these communities. Nevertheless, the majority residents and rabbis of these communities are plagued, and frequently held hostage, by self-appointed guardians, who habitually engage in terror tactics.
We are all hurting – the silent majority has been coerced into believing that these self appointed guardians are the keepers of some sacred covenant with G-D; that they are above the law, can subjectively interpret Halacha, and are permitted to spit, stone, harass and discriminate – all in the name of modesty – tznius. They arrogantly and blasphemously proclaim to be following the righteous Biblical zealot Pinchas the son of Elazar. Zealous fanatics need to be aware that their practices violate Halacha, secular law and the Constitution. At some point the chaos they have created will cease, law and order will prevail, with peace and serenity restored
The Talmud relates that the merits of the patriarchs, Avraham, Yitzchok and Yaakov have ended (Shabbos 55a). There is a discussion when the merits of our fathers ended – during the time of the prophet Hoshea, the time of King Chazael of Aram, the time of the prophet Eliyahu, or the time of King Chizkiyahu. Tosafos comments that the patriarchs’ merits do continue, but only for the benefit of the righteous. However, the merits of the matriarchs, Sarah, Rivka, Rachel and Leah, remain. These merits will never be depleted and stand at the center of our salvation. Every time the Jewish people needed salvation, it was brought about by Jewish women.
It is well known that the Israelites were redeemed from the Egyptian exile in the merit of the righteous women. In the two other holidays that commemorate redemption from exile, Purim and Chanukah, women also served as G-D’s messengers in the redemptive process: Queen Esther who risked her life to save the Jewish people in Shushan, heralded the Purim salvation; and Yehudis, who acted courageously and killed the enemy general Helifornos, played a leading role in the Chanukah miracle (Sefer HaMakkabim).
Because of the participation of righteous women in these three miraculous redemptions, women observe all the mitzvos of the holidays of Pesach, Purim, and Chanukah (although they are time-bound positive mitzvos from which women are generally exempt), “since they were involved in that miracle” (Pesachim 108a, Megillah 4a, Shabbos 23a). Just as all past redemptions came through women, so too, all future redemptions from exile will be brought about by women. The essence of the Charedi woman is not based on ideologies of feminism nor religious fanaticism; it is spiritual, cherished, and accorded divine respect and value.
Historically, the Jewish people were not saved in battle by generals or soldiers, but by maternal strength. Another mother of Israel, Devorah the prophetess, who also judged the Jewish people modestly, counseled the general Barak to wage war, however, he worried that without her merit the Israelites would lose. So, Devorah joined him into the battlefield, and together they defeated the enemy. Devorah then sang a song of victory. “The inhabitants of the village ceased, they ceased in Israel. Until I, Devorah, arose, I arose, a mother in Israel.” (Shoftim 5:7)
We, the silent majority, must find the strength to restore G-D’s Honor – to be Mekadesh Shem Shomayim – and correct the travesty of justice. We must battle the Sikarikim and religious fanatics who mislead prominent rabbinical leaders and intimidate the innocent to impose their subjective standards, assert power, and withhold the truth from the masses – we can win this battle. B’Derech HaTorah Neylech.
Ruchie (Rachel) Freier, Esq. is a practicing Charedi attorney, admitted in New York, New Jersey and the District of Columbia, with offices in Brooklyn and Monroe. In 2008 she founded B’Derech, the organization advocating for Chassidic youth. She is a member of the New York State Bar Association’s Committee on Children & the Law and New York City Family Court Attorney Volunteer Program. She can be reached at [email protected] or 718-259-4525.
Kok Hakovod to Ruchie Felder, who speaks emes in the face of mumbling and inaction by the so called askanim and gadolim of the chareidi tzibur. She isn’t afraid to take on and challenge anyone who claims their behavior is grounded in daas torah. We need more women like her who demonstrate the best of what a frum jewish woman can be.
thank you Ruchie for a voice of reason. As a mother and grandmother of a yeshivish family i whole heartedly agree. Zealotry needs to be accompanied with a lack of self interest as we see in Parshat Pinchas. When it is accompanied by self interest it is actually a sin. anyone versed in Parshat Hashavua has learned this and men who are religious are supposed to be learning parsha at least three times each week Shnaim bmikroh vechad btargum.
YES! YES! YES! How sweet it is to hear words of truth! Being silent sends a message of approval. It’s not okay anymore to just sigh and go on with our busy lives. We must defend Hashems honor and do our part to eradicate wrong and establish right. We should all be grateful for all the effort and Mesiras Nefesh Ruchie Freier puts forth to advocate for our community!
Thank you Ruchie! Beautiful piece!
Thank you! So true and well said
Ruchie, thank you so much for the clear and honest truth, it needed to be said, and you said it very well.
I cried reading this! And I don’t care if people make fun of me! (lol) This was an AMAZING piece & I am FLOORED beyond belief!
This woman has set the tone for modest, intelligent & religious women everywhere! She isn’t speaking against halachah in the slightest (on the contrary!), and yet… makes such a strong case against the Sikrim & others who she feels are distorting what it means to be Jewish & to obey Jewish law, while living in this world & in these times.
She doesn’t feel the need to be some kind of modern “Rosa Parks” to do it either, not that I take huge issue w\the other woman who chose to protest by sitting on the bus. But the wonderful lady who wrote this piece shows how to make a real case for religious women everywhere, withOUT drawing a ton of attention to herself. You can tell she wants the message to get out – but doesn’t want it made about her.
Bravo! So well done! I hope this piece is plastered on top of every sign prohibiting women from walking down certain sidewalks, or handed out at every Sikrim protest!
I know those wackos say they’ll never listen to people like this dear lady, but eventually the outcry will become so great… they’ll have to!
Baruch Hashem a clear voice – thank you thank you thank you!
We all try our best for kevod shomaim and statistics have shown that the ultra charedim have a smaller percentage that need bederech (a great organization) and as a chosid myself we have less then one percent dropouts in our kehilah most of them erliche yidden but don’t like the strict rules of the kehilah and for that I wouldn’t advocate that the 99% lower their bar so the less then 1% feel comfortable.
If we should give up our strict rules we would have much more kids going off and will not have the 99% beauty especiely by giving up the midah of the one quoted Sarah Imainu that it says Hineh Bo’ohel and as rashi explaines the reson she didn’t come out was because Tznuah Hayso and would not show up were men are.
Studying (and practicing) law surely would not be allowed by the likes of rabbi Steinman.
So while you are doing great things with others it might be considered Chateh kedai sheyizkeh chaverechah which is against halachah.
If you are so right would you be allowed to preach in your chasidish shul?
Superb. I’m printing it out.
I see more and more people refer to Gedoim as “so called” Gedolim. I see it all over the place now. It seems the major consensus of our majority of frum Jews is that we are a nation of orphans, with the passing of Rav Moshe, the Steipler, Rabbi Kaminetzy, Rav Shach and others of that generation, from the Litvish. From the Chassidish, its hard to say, but in general, it seems we feel like we need leadership in a big way now.
Excellent!
” During the formative years of the venerable Hatzolah organization, its original founders facilitated training women to serve women, primarily in cases of emergency childbirth. By 1981 approximately 300 women were trained EMTs (75 were from Kiryas Joel and more than 200 from Brooklyn). Shortly after the women began serving, zealous cries came from Williamsburg, accusing the women volunteers of violating tznius standards. The women EMTs were humiliated and expelled from the organization; subsequently the original founders resigned.”
Can someone detail this allegation and it’s source? It sounds like an exaggerated bubbe maisa.
Thank You
Ruchie, your article compelled me to sign up and write my first comment after years as a reader. I am a Baal Teshuvah and have been so disgusted by what is going on. I came to Torah seeing the perfection and beauty. When our “own” tarnish it in a public way it is sickening. I have wondered where is the public outcry from our Gedolim and where is the outcry from women as any true Yiras Shamayim Jew would know are the backbone of Klal Yisroel. My wife perfectly represents this in our home/community and want to express my sincere hakoras hatov for standing up for emes. You and your family should be continually blessed.
WOW! The  220;binah yeserah 221; given to women has made the statement we should be hearing from the Gedolim. Well said!!!
To #8 , unfortunately your numbers are very off, 1% dropout was 20 years ago, today the numbers are much higher and its highest among Ultra Chasidish and Yeshivish families. We can see many times statements in the mishnah and gemora about being ultra frum. Al tyeh tzadik harbeh, the gemora in shabbos in the beginning of Mee sheheshich Bo bayom Mochku Soh, is what comes to mind now. and you should definitely read the kav haiashor, he writes a long piece on ultra frum how they are hiding a real rotten person within.
“Chasidic women are not subjugated nor are we submissive or dictated by masculine fiat. While we respect our tradition and primary role as wives, mothers and caretakers, we are also educated, balanced, content and often professional”
With all due respect, how many chassidic women are “educated……and often professional”? I am skeptical, to say the least. How many chassidic women even have a driver’s license, let alone a basic high school educationl, to say nothing of college and graduate school? Your article is a long-overdue call for some rationality, but don’t over-sell your position by injecting what is clearly not true into your argument.
Thank You Mrs. Freier for standing up for the silent majority. The mistake we all make at times is, We think we can educate the extremists amongst us.
We cannot!
They simply refuse to be educated. As soon as you try, they will throw ten psukim at you why you are wrong… They feel so self righteous, it is pathetic that often times smart people can be this way. Common decency, and common sense simply does not matter, because they feel so right about themselves in their twisted logic.
We live in difficult times for true chareidim, but your wise and courage’s words give us all hope. Please don’t allow yourself to be silenced, the silent majority needs you.
Thank You again.
I I was age 15 when deported to the Ghetto Lodz and 18 1/2 when liberated in Buchenwald. My mother A’H was not an attorney but a very wise lady and everyday she seems wiser. I raised observant children and was very fortunate that I married a wonderful young lady now a grandmother and our grandchidren have children. She was a legal secretary and her syntax and grammar are impeccable. I was doubly fortunate to be accepted in the house of a Belzer chasid and the Rebetzin treated me like her children, educated and the epitomy of selflessness. So women have been quite crucial to my functioning as a husband, father and grandfather. Some years ago my son’s bycycle was stolen and parts later found and I had to appear with my son as a witness in the domestic/family which reveals a picture of social disintegration totally alien to the average person. I salute you and my since admiration for you
Stop trying to make this out like it is only the Sikarikim. The problem of excess frumkeit or fanaticism is a pervasive problem in the entire community and extends in both the Litvishe and Chassidish spheres. It includes many popular Rabbonim and Roshei Yeshiva in Both America and Israel. It is not restricted to extremes such as spitting and violence but in many areas there is an intolerance for the other and a narrow minded close mindedness to anything different. It is all part and parcel of the Rightward shift in Orthodoxy over the past 40 years, and now the chickens are coming home to roost.
Finally a well written article, not apologetic, rather proud of torah values
Passionate, powerful, and true.
“Chasidic women are not subjugated nor are we submissive or dictated by masculine fiat. While we respect our tradition and primary role as wives, mothers and caretakers, we are also educated, balanced, content and often professional.”
How many Chasidic women, who live in chasidic communities, are “educated……..and often professional”? How many of them have a high school education, to say nothing of college and graduate school. I am skeptical of your claim and think your otherwise well written and sensible article was ruined by including this obvious falsehood.
Thank you Mrs. Freier for your beautiful and heartwarming words. I especially enjoyed how you wrote that we as Jews don’t need any Feminism, we just need to turn to the Torah and there we can find the great respect that the Jewish Religion has for the Jewish woman. Unfortunately the “zealots” think that they get to decide what the Torah is, and just simply disregard the Shilchun Aruch, in favor of their own brand of “Halacha”.
Just one question. Why did you have insert the paragraph regarding Hatzolo? The issue regarding Hatzolo is very different than all the other issues that you mentioned. While all the instances you mentioned pertain strictly to the “zealots”, the Hatzolo issue has many people standing on both sides of the fence, it’s not a issue of “zealotry”. I’ve been following that story for a while, and realized that the opponents (and also the proponents!) have some very valid arguments. For instance, is Heshy Jacobs a zealot? It looks like you are pushing some agenda here!
But again, I applaud you for coming out and writing such a wonderful article. Chazak V’amotz!
this article is a powerful argument for women going to college and getting an education. How many of the men could write such an article – most cannot even write a coherent comment.
wonderful article.Thanks for making jewish woman proud.
you inspire me.
thank you
Thank you for this very inspiring piece. Mostly it is fantastic. But more than a few individual Chassidim (even men and women together) “educated” and sometimes “professional” ??? That however, has been commented on already so I will go on to the one other point that I think needs clarifying:
” Zealous fanatics need to be aware that their practices violate Halacha…”
Chassidim started and Chareidim followed suit with the idea that chumra and halacha sort of blend and that if a Rebbe says it, then it must be done as if it is halacha. Who can remember anymore which is which? Fanatics, “regular” Chassidim such as yourself or “regular”non-Chassidish Chareidim have one thing in common -they don’t care if something is halacha or chumra or daas Torah. They’ve been taught – dont look up the halacha – it is the daas Torah that matters. So what have the fanatics done wrong? They are following the daas Torah of their choice! To reinstate true “halach” as the standard, unfortunately we would have to re-educate an entire generation (and their Rabbis!) I am actually old enough to remember whehe Halacha could be dertermined by the Shulchan Aruch.
Mrs. Freier does a great service to the community with this well written piece. I am angered by the lies perpetrated by some of the blind or uninformed commenters. The OTD problem among the “ultra-orthodox”, chassidishe, and litvishe communities is as strong as ever, growing by giant steps every year. You may visit parks on Shabbos afternoons in warm weather, and witness chassidishe boys removing their bekeshes to join goyim in basketball. There is also much chilul Shabbos, often away from the public eye. Every treif fast food joint knows that the frum kids who enter will ask for a cheeseburger – having learned by experience. Nope, the zealotry will NOT prevent fallout. If we make our ways of avodas Hashem more inviting, we will prevent much of the straying. Yes, our homes, our yeshivos, and shuls must be imbued with kedusha, one which embraces each of us, one which we model to our youth. The violence never helped, and the greatest tzaddikim of generations all frowned on “Frimminishen”, the practice of empty frumkeit and chumros. All we need to do is listen to the gedolim who left us their teachings.
Thank you, Mrs. Freier. Hatzlocho and brocho in all you do.
Why are these zealots called heroes in the two brooklyn based major chasidic news papers?
Aren’t they officially part of the mainstream non violent chareidi sector? Both of these weekly papers represent the largest chasidic group in new york, and yet nobody says a word…
Let us voice our protest, and call on them to stop bombarding the yiddish reading masses with headlines which distort torah views, stop calling these zealots tzaddikim and the israeli police r’shaim, and then we will know that the problem exists only the sikrikim fringe group…
Why are these zealots called heroes in the two brooklyn based major chasidic news papers?
Aren’t they officially part of the mainstream non violent chareidi sector? Both of these weekly papers represent the largest chasidic group in new york, and yet nobody says a word…
Let us voice our protest, and call on them to stop bombarding the yiddish reading masses with headlines which distort torah views, stop calling these zealots tzaddikim and the israeli police r’shaim, and then we will know that the problem exists only the sikrikim fringe group…
I am a Chassidic woman as well. I agree fully with this excellent and extremely well written and most timely article. Yasher Koach!
Yes, we are intelligent and knowledgeable. One does not need a university degree to attain that. Some of us are formally educated, some of us may stick to very traditional roles. Nevertheless, we are well-read, and aware – even if we do not have that degree. We are fulfilled and leading meaningful lives. As one great man, a distinguished jurist, once told me: Don’t confuse education with intelligence.
The respect, love and devotion that I experience from dear husband or from my father, brothers or sons ( i.e. all the men in my life) is miles and miles away, no a world away, what the media has shown us from the Bet Shemesh zealots. I am Chassidic by birth, and from a very young age, have been educated to accept and respect every person that I encounter, whether Jew or gentile – and never to pass judgement on their level of observance or lack of it .
To Ruchi, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. G-d gave you the gift of articulation, and you, in have used that gift to foster respect for Hashem and the Torah.
Though a side point in an otherwise nice article,I would like to set the facts straight regarding the yeshiva in Williamsburg. Most people don’t have any problem with a yeshiva that caters to boys who need a different curriculum. The problem is a “rebbi” in a normal yeshiva, who secretly replaced learning with music, and intentionally turned the children against their parents. He didn’t help bums, he CREATED them. If anyone cares to dispute any of these facts,I encourage to contact me
I cannot believe that there is not one person out there that this article saddened. Why do our daughters must have college degrees? Does that really make a Jewish woman successful and wonderful? What does not having a degree have with zealotry? Also, why does there have to be women’s division in hatzalah? I happen to know from an Hatzolah insider that R’ Moshe, amongst others ruled against opening an ezras nashim. I also know, that if you would think for a minute you would understand that logistically it is best for men to do this kind of work, shlepping stretchers and facing all kinds of unsightly things. I never understood all these women who were “horrified” when Hatzolah members helped them give birth. Those same women had no problem with other men doctors delivering their children. I admire Mrs. Frier for her trying to stick up for what she believes is true. However, this is the beginning of the end. When subtle secular values begin eating their way into the hearts and minds of our community surely it will not end here. There is no reason women need to get “out there” more now than ever. There is no reason they need to have various degrees. Is there?
I thonk you did more harm to the community then helping as the story with a yeshive in wmsbg….
Bottom line its Satmar who’s behind this, the one Mitzvah in the torah its called Medina,when you focus on one part of the Torah this what happens you can be oiver all other mitvos as long as the shitah is intact.
Reply to #54
Wow!!!
In a sea of so many nonsense comments your SHORT & TO THE POINT comment almost gets lost.
Well put!!!
Thank you Eigner…wonder which one?
Just speaking from the heart. I’ve seen enough to make me nauseous…Mothers who have traded in the most beautiful, uplifting, fulfilling profession in the world..the one Hashem has “specifically” chosen for them…bored to death and not “stimulated” enough by raising their kids…and looking for ” out of the home” pleasures to nurture their souls..
Shame…
Sorry for them….their loss.
As a proud member of the Chareidi community, I find it deeply troubling when fanatics distort the teachings of our beautiful Torah in such disgusting ways. I have been blessed to know many, many frum Yidden who are committed, sincere, and balanced, so I know that these people are a minority; however, despite their small numbers, they are too dangerous to be ignored. Ruchie Freier has been brave enough to stand up and say what truly needs to be said: these fanatics are bringing shame upon us and wreaking havoc in our community, and we must be willing to stand up and say, “Enough!”
you took what’s been on my mind for a long time and put it down on paper. I’m so glad to see it. This is so true and importent. It must be delt with.