The Very First Agunah Crisis:  The Aronson Brothers

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    By Rabbi Yair Hoffman for 5tjt.com

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    Most people do not know this, but there were two brothers, the Aronson brothers, who had caused the very first Agunah Crisis.

    And yes, we are naming names.  The Aronson brothers caused an unprecedented Agunah crisis in Judaism, and they came from one of the most prestigious of Jewish families.

    They were handsome and of good family lineage. Intelligent. Men of fine character.  Famous.  And, oh yes, single.  Quite single.

    In fact, they were the most eligible bachelors imaginable.  Women swooned at the very thought of becoming a spouse to either one of them.  And they entertained no desire to marry any other man.  How could any other man stand up in comparison?

    And so, we have the very first Agunah crisis in the annals of Jewish history.

    The reader is perplexed.  Agunos!!?  Two single brothers caused an Agunah crisis?  How dare you label this an Agunah crisis!

    THE ANSWER

    The identity of the Aronson brothers, for those who have not guessed it yet, is none other than Nadav and Avihu, the sons of Aharon.  And it is not the author who has labelled it an Agunah crisis – it is Chazal. The Chazal is found in Vayikrah Rabbah (20:10).  Chazal there write concerning Nadav and Avihu: Rabbi Levi said, They were overly proud and harbeh nashim hayu yoshvos agunos – Many women sat as Agunos in the hopes of marrying them.  Chazal used that term – yashvu Agunos – a term generally reserved for married women that cannot remarry.

    And they were punished for it, with the ultimate penalty.  In other words, according to Rabbi Levi in this Midrash Rabbah, it was not the hubris of the two brothers (even though they had it according to the author of the matanos kehunah), nor was it the negation of the Mitzvah of pru u’rvu that caused them to be punished.  It was the pain that they had caused to women in contributing to the creation of a psychological barrier of these many women to marry others.

    A QUESTION AND ANSWER

    But it wasn’t their fault!  How can we blame them?  Nadav and Avihu didn’t “not give them a get!”  They were merely over-picky in not marrying.  It was the women who chose to remain single.  Why should Nadav and Avihu be blamed, and even more so, why should they be punished so severely?

    We see from here something extraordinary.

    Even being the cause of someone else’s pain when it was someone else’s decision and not one’s own –  is something that is punishable.  This is true when there is a barrier, even a psychological barrier, to getting married.

    We are held accountable for repercussions of our decisions and actions – even when the repercussions are indirect – in that they involve the decisions of others beyond our control.  We also see, how serious it is to, in any way, be the indirect cause of someone not being able to marry or remarry.

    THE PAIN OF AN ALIENATED FATHER

    On the other hand, there is another form of pain too – one that ex-husbands experience more often than ex-wives.  We refer here to the pain of parental alienation.

    Parental alienation is a process wherein a child or children become estranged from one parent as the result of the psychological manipulation of the other parent.  In this author’s view, it is often a form of child abuse.

    One has to honestly ask, however, does “withholding a get” resolve possibilities of parental alienation or does it help exacerbate them?

    A number of years ago, this author met with Rav Zalman Nechemia Goldberg zt”l as to what can be done to resolve the growing problem of people not receiving a get for many years.  He responded that a major change must be initiated.

    PENINA AND CHANA

    There is an interesting debate between Rav Henoch Leibowitz zatzal and Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz zatzal in regard to the two wives of Elkana – Pnina and Chana.  The background to the debate is found in Shmuel Aleph (1:1-2:10), and it is also the haftorah that is reas on the first day of Rosh Hashanah – the prequel to the birth of Shmuel haNavi.

    Pnina realized that the reason Hashem was withholding children from Chana was because she was not davening to Hashem with the requisite intensity. She took it upon herself, leshaim shamayim, to help Chana intensify her prayers by teasing her that she had no children.

    Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz zatzal (Sichos Mussar) points out that the notion of “what goes around comes around” (Middah keneged Middah) regarding causing someone else pain – exists, even when the underlying intention is 100 percent proper.

    Rav Henoch Leibowitz zatzal, on the other hand, held that Pnina was only 99.999 percent Lishma, but there was a subtle, infinitesimally small trace of improper motivation in Pnina’s actions. Regardless, we see how serious the issue of causing another pain actually is.

    The author can be reached at [email protected].

     

     

     


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    78 Comments
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    Tzvi
    Tzvi
    3 years ago

    How can a person be expected to live under this standard of judgment? This article is an example of Mussar that has run wild and become detached from any foundation in reason.

    Moderate Munch
    Moderate Munch
    3 years ago

    Your wife is abusive? Ditch the witch! Withholding a get and staying halachically married is the opposite of what you should be doing.

    An Amhoretez
    An Amhoretez
    3 years ago

    Thank you Rabbi Hoffman for writing an article that is mevorer a Halacha the way previous Gedolim used to do

    It is well documented (in tshuva seforim) that the majority of the biggest posikim at the very least condoned pressure and even physical violence(kofen oso ad shyomer rotzah ani) to force a get, they knew as much as the commentators who say a forced get is not valid.
    Some even held the evira of withholding a get is yhareg val yover

    For an Ashknizi yid the only way he is permitted to marry another woman before the get is finalized is if he places the get in escrow and has Heter Maohe rabbnim (100 rabnim pasken that in this instance it is she who cant/wont accept a get

    Duvid
    Duvid
    3 years ago

    Great article. There are probably even more agunos then previously imagined, with putting this history in perspective. Thank you.

    Zelig
    Zelig
    3 years ago

    What about the husbands whose wife refuses a gett.. ? Heter Meah Rabbanim is a lengthy process.very costly and usually useless. Because women demand to see a valid divorce. before forging a bond.

    Mr.Germ
    Mr.Germ
    3 years ago

    I want to know if there was an aguna crisis in mitzrayim, after all they were at the 49th level of tumeh

    e.g.
    e.g.
    3 years ago

    I dont understand tying in the pain of the husband for estrangement from their children to this issue.. Even if the woman wanted to, she couldnt prevent visitation rights as those are determined by a court, usually in conjunction with a Social Worker or other professional. If the Mother is “poisoning” or brainwashing her child agaist the Father (or vice versa), the court appointed professional will see it and correct it. When a man tells you he is pained over estrangement, there has to be some other factor involved. Dear Rabbi if you are trying to level the playing field by throwing some blame on the woman, then you are just as guilty as the Aronson’s. A man has to give a Get (as determined by a Beis Din ) period. If you want to say she shares some of the pain and blame, then I will respectfully disagree.The two issues are non related and shouldnt be linked. Regardless, why not let Hashem settle the scores as they are, and we mere mortals obey the Torah as it is written. If the author wants to judge cases of child abuse, it is a case by case situation and not a blanket judgement.

    Judith
    Judith
    3 years ago

    This is very offensive , to call a single woman an aguna . Just call her an older single , old maid , spinster or whatever other word . Just don’t compare that to agunahs !!!! A man having visitation troubles is in an unfortunate situation , but not an agun either . He has recourse in court

    Educated Archy
    Educated Archy
    3 years ago

    I think we need to have a broader discussion about divorce and judaism. The idea that people are so loose to break up yiddisha mishpachs. We all know that if CV”S a spouse has ALS they can’t work, become dysfucntional, the family life is totally upended. Yet, most spouses stick together and tough it out even if its a 20-30 year ordeal. Why isn’t a mental illness, OCD etc., where one spouse is incapacitated viewed the same way? A child needs both parents together. Why are therapists pushing for divorce rather than pushing people to learn how to love and live with the tazara? Why are we so loose with instant gratification. And if one nebach needs a get it should be a sad day like a levaya and not a day for dancing even if that was a must. A get is the culmination of a family break up.
    PS this should have nothing to do with the aguna crisis. Once you are at that point and its irreparable I get you loud and clear and the get must be given. Although I’d still cry by the get.

    Last edited 3 years ago by
    Zelig
    Zelig
    3 years ago

    One should opt to marry a Sephardic woman or from a stringent religious families.. As they are not. For the most part. Trigger happy to dissolve family for any small crisis. And surly not litigate in court and adhere to goishe mentality.