POWERFUL: Chaim Walder Abuse Victim Speaks Out In Open Letter To Community And Leaders

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BNEI BRAK (VINnews) — The following letter was sent by a survivor of Chaim Walder to Rabbi Ron Yitzchok Eisenman, rabbi of Congregation Ahavas Israel of Passaic. The survivor, whose name has been changed for this letter, is using the pseudonym Rena Solomon. Below is her letter as translated from Hebrew by Rabbi Eisenman.

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When Weeping Is Not Enough
by Rena Salomon

Dear Rabbi Eisenman,

My name is Rena Salomon, and I am a victim of cw.

I say this is in the present tense because even though he is dead (may the name of the wicked rot), he still terrorizes and victimizes me. I have never been to Passaic, New Jersey, and I am sure we don’t travel in the same circles.

Why am I writing to you?

I could pander to you and tell you that I am writing because “you get it.” However, that would be a lie. You may want to get it and try to get it, but you can’t, and you will never “get it.” My great grand-parents both did a stint in Hell on Earth. The world knows it as Auschwitz. They passed away when I was a child. My grandmother told me that her parents never spoke about being incarcerated in Hell.

The first time she asked her mother about the strange numbers on her forearm, her mother cried, pulled down her sleeve to the wrist, and through her tears said only, “mein baliebte tochter, vet keinmal nisht farshteyn” (my beloved daughter, you will never understand). Much later, my grandmother understood why her mother never spoke about it. Survivors such as my great-grandmother were embarrassed to speak about Auschwitz for the first few years. They always felt as if the listener blamed them for being in Auschwitz or never fully believed what they endured and how painful and life-changing it was.

Later in life, when the street narrative changed and holocaust survivors became heroic people who you should seek out for Brochus, my great-grandmother still chose to remain silent. When asked by her daughter, who by then was herself a grandmother, “Why, Mama, do you still remain silent?” My great-grandmother answered with a wave of her hand, “ich darf nisht kein rachmonus” (I don’t need anyone’s pity).

So too, Rabbi Eisenman, there are still many people who blame me for being molested. They ask me (or I can tell that they at least want to ask me) the same question as they questioned (or wanted to question) my great-grandmother, “Why didn’t you fight back?” Certainly, those people don’t get it as they persist in their belief that most victims are either lying, exaggerating or loshon hora mongers who have thinly-veiled agendas to destroy Orthodox Jewry. Thankfully, as time has gone on and more people have come forward, and the realization is beginning to take hold that sexual abuse occurs, the reaction of some people towards the victims has changed. Just as people began to change in their reaction to Holocaust survivors, people are also changing in their response to abuse survivors.

The reaction varies from disbelief at worst to pity and compassion at best. As much as compassion is better than feeling repulsed, rejected, tainted, and not believed, I say to you Rabbi Eisenman as my alter-bubbe told my grandmother, “ich darf nisht kein rachmonus.” I, and survivors like me, are not interested in being looked at as pitiful, stained misfits who now deserve your “deepest sympathies.” Rather, we need people to believe us and in us. And we need people to treat us as true survivors who have withstood the horrors of abuse and molestation and are still functioning human beings.

You want to commiserate and validate my pain. However, you have never done a stint in Hell on Earth on the folding cot in cw’s warehouse while being raped between stacks and stacks of books whose themes were helping, protecting, and empowering children. You have never lived a day in Hell where the daily schedule consisted of being violated and humiliated by the man (whose horrid breath I smell every day of my life) who was regarded by hundreds of thousands of admirers- as the ultimate protector of children. I appreciate your compassion, but never think Rabbi Eisenman (or any other rabbi) that you “really get it.” Unless you too were incarcerated, battered, humiliated, and wounded for life by the recipient of the 2003 Magen LeYeled (Defender of the Child) award from the Israel National Council for the Child- you don’t get it.

Would you ever tell someone who was in Auschwitz, “Yes, yes, I understand your pain? I, too, went through hard times.” That statement would be laughable cruel, and insensitive. Just as you can never understand imprisonment at Auschwitz, you can never understand being a caged twelve-year-old girl enslaved and subjugated by an evil, pernicious pedophile.

This pedophile is the embodiment of brutality and heartlessness. For me and hundreds of others, he was the most demonic creature to walk the face of this Earth. Therefore, you can never fully understand as sympathetic as you are, although I appreciate your sincere desire to understand.

There is something; I, too, will never understand. I will never understand how any sane individual, much less a rabbi, could allow cw’s books to remain part of a home or school library. If your grandmother was medically experimented on by Josef Mengele Yimach Shemo, would you ever think to allow his medical books in a Jewish home?

I and dozens if not hundreds were sexually experimented on by cw Yimcah Shemo.

The debate surrounding the retention of his books speaks volumes of the insensitivity of our Tzibbur to sexual molestation. Yet, my optimistic, hopeful self tells me to write with the hope that words that emanate from the heart will enter the heart of my readers. After encouragement from my own Rav and therapist, I have decided to put into words my story.

Why now?

There has been much discussion and analysis in the Jewish world regarding the cw debacle. I have read and heard it all. Everything I have read and heard has been from people commenting on the events from the outside. I have been obsessed with the demise of this putrid, fetid monster ever since he did the greatest favor to the Jewish people (if only he had done so decades ago) by bringing to an end to his thirty-year reign of terror. Which I must add, was known about by much more people than you can ever imagine. How embarrassing it is and how ironic it is for our Tzibbur that a left-wing anti-religious newspaper was the savior, hero, and true defender of Chareidi Jewry, as it was their exposé that finally stopped the monster.

I’ll leave the message Hashem wants us to take from this to the rabbis.

Since, as mentioned, everything printed or posted has been from outsiders, namely, people who were never abused and certainly not by cw, I have decided to take my rightful place on the platform. Why should only those with outside knowledge comment, analyze, critique, and in some cases even justify cw?Should I not have a place at the table? After all, I spent more nights than I care to admit in the company of the embodiment of Satan himself. Who else has the right to be heard if not me?

Before I write about my feelings about how we should react, I want to tell you about myself to understand where I am coming from. I am the youngest of a large Hareidi family in Bnei Brak. When I was twelve years old, I began to act out in school. My parents took me to the Center for the Child and Family in Bnei Brak to be evaluated. A week after the evaluation, a phone call informed us that I had an appointment with a therapist for that Wednesday.

When I arrived, I was told to wait in an office for the therapist. To my amazement and the joy of my family, cw himself entered the room, introduced himself, and said he was going to be my therapist. I silently thanked Hashem for my good fortune of having the privilege of cw himself being my therapist. At first, he encouraged me to talk about myself and my family. Sometimes the questions he asked about the relationships between family members were strange to me. However, I was sure that cw knew what he was doing; after all, he was cw.

Soon his questions focused on me and my personal life. He asked me questions that I could not believe a man – much less a rabbi, much less a person such as cw who our family and almost every family we knew listened to him on the radio every week- would ask. He asked me if I had reached menarche. I was shocked and embarrassed by this question. I was going to tell my mother. However, I was too ashamed to say anything; after all, my mother was thrilled that cw had picked me to “treat.”

Soon he began to touch me. My body froze in horror when his maniacal hands touched my body. I was a twelve-year-old Hareidi girl brought up with “Kol kevuda bas Melech penima”- “The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace.” Meaning I should be quiet and obedient to my elders and not assert myself. I was taught to be submissive, especially to rabbis and cw was a great rabbi. “Hisbatlus”- to subordinate yourself to rabbinic will was the creed and doctrine of my upbringing.

The touching continued, and cw became progressively more aggressive. I told my best friend that I see cw every week. As can be predicted, soon, every girl in the class knew that I met one on one with cw every week. Girls would ask, “Does he give you free books? He must be so kind and understanding.”

Do you know what it is at twelve years old to have every girl in your class know that you know cw and be reminded of this daily? Can you imagine what it feels like to be raped at ten in the morning and then return to school, and all the girls crowd around to ask, “How did it go?” Do you know what pain and anguish it is to return to class after being assaulted by this monster only to discover that the Morah is reading aloud from Yeladim Mesaprim (Kid’s Speak) as a reward for good behavior?

Why didn’t I tell my mother? You must be joking.

My mother proudly asks, “How was it seeing cw today?”

Do I tell my mother, “That’s exactly the problem, I am seeing too much of cw”!

Can I tell my mother he did things that I have no facility to understand and process?

Do I tell my mother I need to see a therapist to speak to as the therapist’s therapist two hours ago assaulted me and left me to cry myself to sleep alone as I wonder if what happened in that warehouse made me pregnant?

Can you understand the loneliness, isolation, sense of abandonment, alienation, and desolation that a twelve-year-old girl from Bnei Brak feels as she cries herself to sleep nightly and quite often still does?
As a girl from Bnei Brak, I knew that we call out to Hashem in times of pain, and He will take away the pain.

Whenever his horrific hands touched my body, I cried and cried to Hashem to take away the pain. Yet, as I once heard my great-grandmother utter in a rare moment of complete candor, “Hashem forgot about us in Auschwitz.” So too, Hashem forgot about me in that warehouse in Bnei Brak, where a cot is sandwiched between the stacks of “inspirational books empowering children.”

I quickly dispelled that heretical thought from my mind and settled on a more acceptable explanation: “I am bad, and I am stained, and people like me are not worthy of Hashem’s kindness.” I appreciate your concern and validation; however, recognize the reality that your validation and empathy are limited to your life’s experience, and you were never a twelve-year girl being raped weekly by cw.

I knew it was wrong.

I knew a girl my age was not allowed to be alone with another man in a warehouse. But, a great rabbi was doing this, a person who I was taught to obey as he can do no wrong. It was drilled into me since I could walk that “we obediently listen to the rabbis’ without questioning. I knew from school, from home, from the streets of Bnei Brak, that we obediently listen to the rabbis’ without questioning. The great rabbis, and only they, possess this secret, mysterious, nebulous, amorphous power called Daas Torah.

I was raised with the dogmatic belief that women cannot decide important life-changing issues. Important issues are decided by those who have Daas Torah. If not considered the actual depository of Daas Torah, cw certainly had the backing and stamp of approval of Daas Torah. At the beginning of his books, there are glowing approbations and letters of validation from those who possess Daas Torah. Therefore, when cw told me we were taking a little trip to his warehouse, I obeyed; after all, obedience to those who represent DaasTorah is paramount.

Nobody ever told me that “all the glitters is not gold?”

Not once in all my years of education did a Morah, Menhales, Mechaneches, or anyone else in school inform me that Rabbis can be bad and do very bad things to little girls. We received no warnings of what to do if a man touches you. No one ever said, “If a man ever touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter who he is, even a great rabbi, run away as fast as you can.” Not once did any educator tells us that all people can be bad.

We were taught rabbis are good, and greater rabbis are perfect. What was drilled into us was obedience without question to rabbinic authority.

So I lived in two worlds. At school, I was a Bais Yaakov Maidel, saying Tehillim and acting like any other girl. Yet, when cw had me, I became a sex slave, a Zonah, a harlot, a tramp, and a concubine to Satan himself.

Take a breath, Rabbi Eisenman. I know it’s painful to hear. But, I need to vent and pour out my pain. I would imagine that it’s not often that a woman who has a family of her own, a woman who no man besides her husband has ever seen one lock of her hair, talks like this. However, the same little girl who learned to compartmentalize life at age twelve and live simultaneously in two worlds is now a grown woman who still lives a double life. When I see my husband put on his Shtreimel Friday afternoons and he walks with our boys to Shul, I am filled with gratitude to Hashem for a wonderful, understanding husband and beautiful children. Yet, when I go light Shabbos candles and must face Hashem alone, my thoughts wander back to that warehouse of books in Bnei Brak.

I tremble as I light the match, and I begin to shudder and convulse. Every week for years and years, the same scenario repeats itself. I am ashamed and feel stained and sullied and most of all unworthy to light the Shabbos candles, which bring light when so much of my life was a black hole of darkness. You have no idea of what I (and many other survivors) experience when we are expected to enter the purifying water of the mikveh.

The destruction this satanic figure wrought in his thirty-year reign of terror will never be quantified or properly understood.

I know Rabbi Eisenman; you don’t have to defend or answer for anyone. I write these words not expecting you to answer, but rather as a crucial and essential cathartic exercise which I pray will help me one day achieve a true catharsis and relief for my troubled soul. I ask Mechilla in advance for any words that may seem disrespectful or disparaging. However, my goal is not to foster Machlokes; my goal is for all of us to come to a greater mutual understanding of the pervasive yet, currently silenced and swept-under-the-rug-problem of sexual molestation in our camp.

My goal is to be honest, raw, and real.

If I cannot reveal my true feelings, am I not still in the confining clutches of cw? Who inhibited and squelched me from speaking for so long. Can you deny a survivor her right to have her say after years of communal confinement? Is “our Tzibbur” so fragile that honest, heartfelt questions cannot be put forth?

I pray that is not the case.

Rabbi Lopiansky writes, concerning sexual abuse, ” if you prefer truth over enjoying life, you will discover a Gehinnom that exists here in our world.” I know the truth, and I saw a Gehinom that exists in this world. I “discovered” it lying on a cot between the aisles of a dust-filled warehouse as a man I had once idolized forced me to live in Hell. I discovered Gehinom in a hotel room in Ramat Gan as I was painfully violated and sentenced to live a Hellish existence until the day I die.

Rabbi Lopiansky, you are correct in referring to it as Gehinom. I prefer the English word Hell as it conveys the filth and nightmarishness of the experience. When we use Hebrew words, too often we sanitize and euphemize what should be explicit and clear. As a Bais Yaakov graduate and a victim of cw, I feel qualified to comment on how the “outside” world interpreted and explained (away) the infamous and vile debacle of cw.

For the first time in my life, you allow my voice to be heard. You are allowing me, in my own words, to tell my story.

I am tired of hearing my story told by others, especially those who never experienced Hell on Earth. I am tired of being told how I should feel, and I am tired of keeping my innermost pain buried deep in my Neshama.

I have a right to speak.

I have a right to have my voice heard.

I recently read an article by Rabbi Aaron Lopiansky titled, “For This, We Weep.” (It was originally featured in Mishpacha, Issue 893; January 4, 2022) Rabbi Lopiansky, who I have heard is a very gentle and understanding person, presented a hypothesis to explain the almost pandemic problem of sexual abuse within the Chareidi world. Rabbi Lopiansky never mentions cw or any other known abuser by name, although he alludes to them. Rabbi Lopiansky is a man of integrity, and I am sure (as he says) he would encourage me to write the following piece.

He states the critical importance of hearing from survivors. Here are his own l words:

[“]A few years ago, I was involved in the publication of an issue of Dialogue on the topic of molestation and abuse. Included were lengthy interviews with professionals in the field and other related articles.

One article was written by a survivor. It is a person known to me whose every word is to be believed, someone who leads an extremely honorable and chashuve life. After the person opened up to me, I was shocked. He seemed to live such a fine and happy life. And only then did I discover what kind of Gehinnom he lived in. Decades after the events, he still lives with the trauma and has occasional suicidal thoughts.

To quote an adam gadol who read the article, “It has changed my understanding of what abuse and trauma are all about. I’ve turned from an agnostic to a fervent believer.”[‘]If I can change people’s understanding of what abuse and trauma are all about. And convince one more agnostic to (become) a fervent believer- I will be satisfied.

Rabbi Lopiansky deals with why abuse is so prevalent in our community- or as he calls us, “our Tzibbur”?Rabbi Lopiansky contends, “there is another reason why our tzibbur keeps falling into this situation time and again, and that is the “halo” effect. We have the misguided notion that “if it glitters it is gold,” all the way through. We feel that if a person is doing good in one area, he is perfect in every area. In order to move forward, we need to first rid ourselves of a fatal flaw.

The most fallacious statement in our misguided thinking is, “someone who does good, cannot possibly be bad in any way.”

This is flat-out wrong”

I, of course, know first hand that the above point is true. However, with complete deference to Rabbi Lopiansky, I must ask, where does he think we came up with (as he calls it) the “misguided notion that … if a person is doing good in one area, he is perfect in every area.”?

Rabbi Lopianky, forgive me, but I must ask, “Who implanted in “our Tzibbur” this “fatal flaw” in our “misguided thinking?” Why does “our Tzibbur” (as opposed to a secular or non-Jewish community) have this “fatal flaw” in our “misguided thinking?”

Did it fall from heaven?

Why do we think “someone who does good, cannot possibly be bad in any way.”? Do non-religious Jews better understand human nature than “our Tzibbur”? I believe that you and I both know the answer. However, it is too uncomfortable and politically incorrect to verbalize. However, as a survivor, I have no hesitations or reason to be politically correct. I did my time in the trenches of cw and was exposed to things a twelve-year-old should have never seen or experienced.

Perhaps you were anticipating and waiting for me to come forward. I believe b’emunah Sheleima; it is my calling to say what is in my heart. We possess this “misguided thinking” because our teachers instructed us in this manner. Where else could it come from?

I was taught in Bais Yaakov that rabbis are good people, basically flawless individuals. Excuse me for being audacious, however, when you wrote, “The most fallacious statement in our misguided thinking is, “someone who does good, cannot possibly be bad in any way.” Are there exceptions to this rule, namely people who we must accept as a truth that they “cannot possibly be bad in any way?”

You stress that we have the misguided belief that “if it glitters it is gold”. And you continue to point out, “In order to move forward, we need to first rid ourselves of a fatal flaw.” We are a Tzibbur which prides itself on “Moshe Emes V” Soraso Emes”. If so, where and how did our Tzibbur come to embrace such a fatally flawed, misguided way of thinking? Your average ignoramus, which you will find on any street corner, knows that all that glitters is not gold. How can it be that such a simple, self-compelling truth is not part of our Tzibbur’s collaborative thinking?

The obvious answer as to why our Tzibbur is stricken with the halo effect is because the halo effect is part and parcel of every Bais Yaakov girl’s education. Some evil spirit did not fall from the Shomayim and smitten us with “misguided thinking.” Indeed, embracing the “halo” effect and believing the misguided thinking that all that glitters is gold signifies a successful Bais Yaakov education.

Please forgive me, and cut me some slack. However, you hit a raw nerve in my Neshama. Thousands and thousands of Bais Yaakov girls are being programmed as we speak to believe rabbis are the correct address for proper counseling.

Emunas chachomim is a bedrock principle in Bais Yaakov. No Morah in any Bais Yaakov adds the caveat when she speaks about rabbonim, “But, girls, beware, even the good rabbis can be bad. Even good rabbis can be rapists, sexual predators, narcissists, mafia-chieftains, crooks, philanderers, debauched and depraved perverts who may attempt to rape you?”

If “our Tzibbur” has this “misguided thinking,” it came from the educators in the classrooms of “our Tzibbur!”

I can confidently say that in no Bais Yaakov classroom in Bnei Brak are the girls informed that good rabbis can also be very wicked people. And I doubt there is a Bais Yaakov in the world where the Moros make sure to impress upon the girls that they should know, “Even the great Tzadikim who we tell stories about- might assault you and traumatize you for life. Therefore girls, remember, even the good people who seem to glitter may have a dark side to them.”

You write, “In order to move forward, we need to first rid ourselves of a fatal flaw”. How do you propose “ridding ourselves of this fatal flaw” if it is being taught as a fundamental dogmatic principle in Bais Yaakov’s around the world?

Rabbi Lopiansky, are you a maverick and are proposing radical curriculum changes to our Bais Yaakov program? (I hope you are) Are you saying that Bais Yaakov Moros begin to start to warn their charges that not all rabbis are what they seem to be?

If you are, then you are my hero.

If such is your intent, you hit the nail on the head.

The only way to rid our Tzibbur of misguided thinking that all that glitters is gold is to proactively educate girls about life’s “real” facts from a young age. Namely, all men (and even women) can be bad people and hurt you very badly. If such had been my chinuch, I would have never fallen into the clutches of that fetid receptacle of fecal matter feigning to be human. If I were told this fact from the age of seven and retold it every year, when cw brought me into his office to place his putrid paws on me, I would have been prepared and protected. If only we knew (as you so eloquently write), “Even if one has bright and dazzling light radiating in his soul, it is not at all to the exclusion of him also having patches of darkness”- many girls and women would have been spared pain and suffering.

Rabbi Lopiansky, you are so right. This “everyone is always good” approach has worn out its usefulness.

If we want to rid our Tzibbur of this plague of molestation, an overhaul of girl’s Chinuch is step number one.

Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz taught, “Ohr v’chosech mishtamshim b’irbuvya” [lit. light and darkness are concomitant] we must embrace his deep insight. We must begin to teach our girls to be vigilant and unafraid to stand up for themselves. We must tell them that everyone, a rabbi, a therapist, a morah, and even a family member, has no right to touch you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable. If real change is to be had, we must expunge from our girls the misguided thought that all that glitters is gold.
Our girls must know the truth, namely, that everyone, literally everyone, can be bad.

Our daughters need to be drilled in the ugly truth that they must protect themselves from anyone who tries to violate them sexually, even if that person is in their own home.

Rabbi Lopiansky, I am sure you know that the overwhelming occurrence of sexual molestation occurs in the home where the perpetrator is a family member. Attend any support group of female survivors of sexual abuse, and you will quickly realize that the overwhelming majority of them were attacked and molested by brothers, step-fathers, cousins, uncles, sisters, and unbelievably shocking but true, even their father.

The “bad” therapist and the “bad” Rebbe or rabbi account for less than 10% of molestation.

Too often, a girl’s own bedroom is her Hell on Earth.

We must instill in our daughters this information. They must have the necessary tools to fight back.

Misguided thinking leads to fatal flaws in life. Educating our girls, especially at a young age, leads to empowerment and resistance to abuse. Our girls must know that if they are touched by a family member or a therapist, Rebbe, or whoever, they should immediately yell and scream. They should scream at the top of their lungs and claw and bite their molester if needed. Most molesters are spineless cowards who melt away at first sight of resistance.

The proof is in cw. As soon as he was exposed, he did the spinless act of shooting himself in the head.

The best weapon in our arsenal is our ability to shame and expose the molester.

The molesters best friend is the Sefer Chofetz Chaim. They rely on the fact that their victim will be silent.

The first step in eradicating molestation in our community is, as Rabbi Lopiansky states, ridding our Tzibbur of the misguided thought that all that glitters is gold. Once we have purified the minds of our daughters with the knowledge that anyone is potentially a molester, we can arm them with tools to fight back and protest. When molesters realize that their formerly meek and submissive victims are now fortified fighters of abuse, who refuse to go down without a fight and refuse to remain silent, they will crawl back into their private den of iniquity.

We should supply every Bais Yaakov girl with the reporter’s phone number from Haaretz as they alone seem up to the task of being brave enough to take down a monster. Hope is on the horizon once we have finally rid our daughters (and sons) of these fatal flaws of thinking all is good and glittery.

When I finally told my mother, and she told the local rabbi, I was violated again, this time emotionally. I was not believed, and even if finally, some local rabbis did, believe me, my pain was minimized, swept under the rug, and I was never validated. That is why I had to move from Bnei Brak. The approach of complete denial or minimization of the abuse, always lacking any validation of my pain, drove me far, far away from the environs of my hometown.

Rabbi Eisenman, I have taken too much of your time already. I end with a few closing remarks.

Rabbi Lopiansky writes, “Yes, you will righteously declare, “the rabbanim ought to do x, y, z.” I need to break the news to you: There is no organization called “the rabbanim.” There are thousands of rabbanim, rebbeim, ramim, each inundated with the needs and demands of their communities and talmidim. But each one is a yachid, overwhelmed by the particular needs of his charges.”

I must ask Rabbi Lopiansky, “Yes, of course, there is no organization called “the Rabbanim,” but please don’t play me the fool by claiming that rabbis never act in unison or as an organization. You know better than me that as we speak, high-stakes politics are going on In Israel involving the religious identity of the Jewish State.

I have seen numerous proclamations signed by many well-known and high-profile Rabbis taking a stand TOGETHER condemning an individual minister or an Israeli government policy. I have yet to see the same signatures on a joint proclamation condemning cw (or Eliezer Berland, who you allude to in your article), notwithstanding the clear danger of these people to vulnerable Jewish children.

When it comes to supporting the oppressed and abused, namely victims of sexual assault, they are overwhelmed and have no time? Can they not find the same time to issue a proclamation supporting victims of cw? Does this respectful question not deserve an honest answer?”

I conclude with my revulsion to the most painful post I have ever read. I must react and protest as the truth must be revealed, and sheker must be called out!

A noted female educator, Tzipora Heller, shockingly wrote,

“Chaim Walder’s 53 books were inspiring, sensitively written, and sold 2 million copies, a record for Israel. He lost his balance. I didn’t stand in his shoes. Hashem is called The Place in which the world exists. Pirkei Avos tells you not to judge anyone until you stand in their place, where something pure remains.”

Mrs. Heller’s remarks are too painful to believe that a Jewish mother wrote them. Suffice to say, they trigger strong flashbacks and are so hurtful I will limit myself to one comment.

Mrs. Heller, you wrote,

“I didn’t stand in his shoes. Hashem is called The Place in which the world exists. Pirkei Avos tells you not to judge anyone until you stand in their place, where something pure remains.”

HTTP://WWW.TZIPORAHHELLER.COM/FROM-THE-REBBETZINS-DESK/THE-CHAIM-WALDER-PARSHA

Mrs. Heller, I did stand in chaim walder’s shoes; I did stand in his place, too many times that I care to remember.

Let me make one thing, Mrs. Heller, crystal clear.

There is no purity in the place of chaim walder. Instead, there is filth, wasted seed, abuse, rape, violent humiliation of a twelve-year-old girl, evil in its worst form. In his place, there is trauma and destruction of souls. In his place, the only thing pure which remains is pure persistent perpetual pain and anguish.

Shame on you, Mrs. Heller!

You prove Rabbi Lopiansky’s thesis that the belief that “someone who does good, cannot possibly be bad in any way… is flat-out wrong.” I am sure you have done good; however, the bad that you did with your post is a shameful culmination of your life in Jewish education.

Mrs. Heller, you mentioned, “I didn’t stand in his shoes.”

I did stand in his shoes.

I was forced to stand in his shoes and forced to be in his place. As a person who has a right to judge cw, after all, Pirkei Avos tells you not to judge anyone until you stand in their place, and I did stand in his place; I judge him to be a wicked evil man. A man who was allowed by cowardly and spinless people to continue assaulting boys, girls, and women for decades. Ultimately, I judge him worse than a murderer. A murderer kills your physical body while the soul remains pure. The pedophile not only abuses and humiliates the body, but it also kills your soul forever.

I judge him as a man who stole my innocence, girlhood, adolescence, and naivete.

I judge him for taking away from me the excitement and anticipation every Kallah deserves the day of her wedding and replacing it with dread and horrible flashbacks.

I judge him for stealing my love of life and love of all aspects of marriage.

He caused me horrific spiritual and emotional damage, which is irreparable and continues to haunt me. May his name rot, and may his name be blotted out through the eradication of his books from this world forever.

I conclude with gratitude for finally allowing me to have a voice.

I conclude with an appreciation for helping me carry my burden.

Knowing that my voice is heard makes me optimistic that tomorrow will be better. The more you hear my voice, the more I know that Hashem has indeed listened to my voice.

And that knowledge is comforting.

With pain and gratitude,
Rena Salomon,
formerly of Bnei Brak currently living in the United States

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Jacob
Jacob
2 years ago

I’m am sorry for what has transpired and your pain, although my words dont mean much. I’m sick to my stomach considering when the news broke in America months ago I was admittingly sceptical… clearly I was wrong. I will be discarding all of his books my children have.

Golda
Golda
2 years ago

I have no words to describe how I feel after reading this letter. Rena, I hope you will find peace and happiness after all your suffering. We stand with you.

Joel
Joel
2 years ago

Dear Rena
Thanks for being my voice. I will finish reading your article in my therapist office…
Mine was not as bad as yours but bad enough and way younger to destroy my future life.
Even with 20 years in therapy it is still so raw and debilitating.
Rina, You have a powerful writing talent! Please continue to write.
To whom this article matters you don’t need to convince because they have experienced similarly enough to understand to support one of their own. to others, it is impossible to explain as you wrote in the article. Nevertheless it is very important to make people aware as with the holocaust, the difference is that this holocaust is still happening and our world chooses to stay in denial.

If others would have had the courage to speak the unspeakable it would have become a tremendous support for each other regardless of age.
As wounded little children we need to process our inner child, its time for support groups to become creative.
Stay strong!
You are giving hope as a role model.
Joel..

Independent
Independent
2 years ago

I have the chills. Rena, you are brave. For writing the letter, and for getting out of bed each morning (how???). As a former Bais Yaakov student, I can attest to the truth of what you said. I was fortunate to grow up with wonderful parents who reiterated that absolutely no one, no matter who, no matter how long his beard, was allowed to touch me. I wonder how many women I know did not, and were harmed.
Your writing has the ring of truth. Again, thank you so much for sharing.

Last edited 2 years ago by Independent
I cry for you
I cry for you
2 years ago

As a member of the tzibbur, as a sister and as a human being I am crying for you and for all victims. You are correct, I can never understand your pain and pray to Hashem that I never be put through such horrors. But I stand with you in your pain. I believe you. You are brave, couragous and heroic for writing this, a holy, pure woman. I daven for you and all other victims to be granted healing and that there are no more victims in klal yisroel.

Chaya Braun
Chaya Braun
2 years ago

Dear Rena, I have no words. Only hugs and prayers. I wish I could do something helpful or say something helpful. Yet there are no words. May Hashem give you continued healing and all the Brachos for you and your family!

Physician
Physician
2 years ago

This is one of the most powerful, if not the most powerful, essays I’ve ever read. It’s the chareidi version of Emile Zola’s J’Accuse. As a son of a Holocaust survivor, I’ve learned about some true horrors. As a camper, I didn’t understand what my counselor was up to [and I remain grateful that he was afraid to do more than fondle me and so many others, given my parents worked in the camp and my father would have probably killed him on the spot]. As someone whose chavrusa turned out to be a pedophile, I devoured books on the topic, having learned almost nothing about this in medical school. As a physician, I’ve come across all sorts of deranged people. I’ve argued with a prominent psychiatrist who refused to use the E word to describe a father who molested his daughter.
We have to call animals in human form such as cw what they are: EVIL,
We have to recognize EVIL.
We have to protect our children from EVIL.
And if they refuse to become knowledgable about such matters, we have to have nothing to do with rabbis who protect such animals, for they themselves are accomplices [albeit unwittingly in many cases].
It is time for the Me-Too movement to enter our community, and the phrase Never Again needs to ring out when it comes to such matters.

Rivka
Rivka
2 years ago

Thank you for sharing this and coming out with the truth. It’s about time our “tzibbur” hears this. Phew!

jack from Toms River
jack from Toms River
2 years ago

WOW, so powerful. I am glad I read your words, through your writing I can feel your pain. As I am sure you are aware, there are those in the community who are trying to down play the entire event. conversations like “only a Bais Din can convict cw” or “who is Rav Shmuel Eliyahu and who authorized his Bais Din” Your words are pure, obviously coming from the heart and puts an end to those conversations. May HKBH grant you the strength to tell you story and grant you a Refuas Hanefesh and a Refuas Hagoof in order to prevent these occurrences from continuing.

Been There
Been There
2 years ago

Thank you VIN for publishing.

Rivka cohen
Rivka cohen
2 years ago

Dear Rena

With each word my heart beat faster and the more I read the harder I found it to breath. I can’t fathom your pain but your words opened a small hole for us to look thru and feel a “miAyn” of what you must feel every moment of every day.

I can’t understand what you have gone thru, nor can I understand how you have had the strength to not only get out of bed each day, but to build a beautiful family. I am humbled by your strength.

Your letter should be required reading for every educator, Rosh Yeshiva, Rav, seforim store owner, parent, and anyone who truly cares about the truth. It should be published in every frum paper and frum media outlet

I am so glad that you wrote and that you wrote now. Each day I google to see if anything more has been published. Slowly mention of cw has come to a small trickle. If he would still be alive, we would be constantly hearing about it, constantly reminded and there would be a continued pressure for change. By ending his life cw not only denied all victims of their day in court but hurt all of us. We need reminders. Life can not go back to the way it was. We need change.

I hope that at least once a month we will continue to hear from you and other victims so that cw doesn’t become the old news buried under all the newer stories.

I want to thank you. I want to hug you. I want to say I am sorry for what happened to you and I am sorry that I as an individual am not doing enough to actualize change. I want to bentch you that you should have continued strength, health and much yiddisha nachas.

Rivka Cohen

H M
H M
2 years ago

Your letter is a triumph, hopefully mostly for your own self. I am doubly horrified by your story and the havoc it has wrought. Firstly for your own story — I am sure the throne you will sit on in Olam Haba will tower over all others, but I can’t stop the feelings of dread for your life in this world.

Secondly, and unfortunately more importantly, obviously you are just one of many, those others who don’t finally have the courage, or rather the moral and communal equilibrium, to speak out. How overwhelmingly tragic!

Hashem’s plan is impossible to fathom…

Harry
Harry
2 years ago

What a courageous person this writer is. Why do we tend to minimize such soul, mind and body kidnappings? May this writer be blessed with every strengthening determination to keep speaking out so this outrageous tragedy is not repeated.
chazak v’ematz

Ari
Ari
2 years ago

This is fire!! Must be read by all frum Jews and all for that matter

Yael
Yael
2 years ago

Wow! Keep writing and continue to speak out ! Who knows how many lives you will save …Hashem should mend your heart and your soul … You should have tremendous Hatzlocha and Siyata D Shmaya in being a voice for ALL victims

Joel
Joel
2 years ago

Horrific manslaughter.

e.g.
e.g.
2 years ago

Rena, There are no words to express how sorry I am that we all failed you. You didn’t deserve and don’t deserve this Hell. You are a Bas Yisroel par excellence. Just as Dina’s daughter (from her rape) became the Mother of Efraim and Menashe – worthy of being Shevatim in their own rights and we bless our children to be like them) may you only see much nachas from your own children. May Hashem grant you relief and healing. I send you virtual hugs and support. May you be strengthened by knowing your voice may have helped countless other tragedies.

Janette Gadol
Janette Gadol
2 years ago

This is the most painfully honest letter I’ve read in a long time. My heart goes out to you, to your honest account and bravery. It is my deepest hope that knowing that more people will be changed by your words we will move forward to a better place, a better understanding of suffering and abuse even if we cannot put ourselves in others shoes (all the survivors of abuse), we should protect and avoid future situations from happening and hopefully be able trust who should be trusted and intimidate the ones whose character flaws are devious from ever having a slight chance of manifesting themselves. May the repercussion of your letter bring you some confort knowing that you touched our lives.

ah BITTER BITTER pill to swallow
ah BITTER BITTER pill to swallow
2 years ago

POWERFUL!

Malky
Malky
2 years ago

Thanks for publishing this letter.

As someone who also experienced molestation abuse from a respected authority figure, I congratulate you for having the courage to bring up this issue on a public Jewish forum.

Every trauma victim heals in their own way. I know of survivors who went through abuse and became less religious and those who used the experience to deepen their personal connection to hashem. Like a scab on an open wound, Emotional healing takes time and a strong supportive and loving environment.

Every beautiful field has some weeds. If the weeds are pulled out, the field grows better. Jewish education , Frum families, and Rabbanim as a whole are a beautiful field as long as we educate that weeds are weeds. Weeds need to be isolated and removed from any functional fields so the field can grow.

When I went public against my abuser , I was shocked at the response from respected rabanim, who treated me like the weed in the field. It was almost as if this was a blind spot in Yidishkeit. It took some time for me to realize that many rabanim just are not trained in these matters. Many people mean well, but are focused on the big picture and this falls through the cracks.

As for healing from trauma. I have found the key to happiness is living in the present moment and surrounding myself with a strong supportive environment.

If any social, rabbinical, or community group isn’t capable of support, I simply look for a new one. There are many great people and authority figures whom I can rely on.

As a grandchild of Holocaust survivors as well, I look at their view of the world and how they “healed”, to find the courage to not let abusers win. Every ounce of energy spent building my children , husband and community is winning. Every ounce of energy thinking about my abuser is letting him win. In the end , I didn’t ask for this life challenge , but if hashem gave it to me, I can accept it and even grow from it.

Jewish society can change and rebuild one strong survivor at a time, as long as we are willing to recognize that abusers are cowards who act in predictable ways. Like a zookeeper who wants to play with snakes, Any Rabbi who is not trained in predators methods should not engage with them. (I wish there was more training available to help well intentioned Rabbis )

I Daven every day not only for my own healing but also for all those who have been hurt by cowards.

ChaniF
ChaniF
2 years ago

Thank you Rena for giving us a voice, I too was abused and I join in saying no one can understand the crazy feeling of lowliness and darkness. It is real.

I would like to just point out that therapy did not work for me, I went from therapist to therapist, seeing no results.

Finally Hashem sent me an older Rav, he would not meet with me without my parents present and he advised a plan for my parents to work with me. BH it was a lot of hard work creating normal emotions and feelings.

To anyone going through the pain, We understand you and please continue to fight everyday and find a path to healthy emotions and feelings.

Chani

Esther
Esther
2 years ago

Rena,GD bless you.

yosher
yosher
2 years ago

How do we overcome the support and defense many Rabbis provide for these criminals? One Rabbi in Fair Lawn housed an accomplished pedophile in the Rabbi’s home for more than half a year; three Rabbis in Kew Gardens Hills ganged up on a twelve year old victim to prevent him from testifying for the prosecution of his offender; one very accomplished pedophile in Kew Gardens (a victim committed suicide here as well) is used as a Bais Din Shliach; and on and on…. How do we stop Rabbinic protection of pedophiles?

Genendy Radoff
Genendy Radoff
2 years ago

I’m so glad that you found your voice and had the courage to speak up. We, as fellow survivors, have been waiting to hear from you! I’m so sorry for the hell and agony that you went through, and are still going through because of cw, and the inadequacy of most rabbonim in this area!! I do believe that your story, like nothing else until now is affecting change in the frum (ultra Orthodox) community. As an incest survivor I believed that certain parts of me would always feel damaged and broken. I want to give you hope by letting you know that..healing is possible!…Trust is possible! Healthy intimacy is possible, although for me it came after age 40. My heart is with you!

samm
samm
2 years ago

I didn’t read the whole article, but one thing is clear just saying don’t do yichud is not the answer.
Parents must be waiting with their kids right outside the room that has a window to see in.
If you’re busy and you can’t go, just don’t send your kid.
I feel like as jews we strive hard to do things right,
And this might sound regressive to some, but to think in a community that prides itself on purity thinks it’s no big deal that a 12 year old girl has a male therapist.

Yoda
Yoda
2 years ago

“The molester’s best friend if the sefer Chofetz Chayim” should be read, “the misunderstanding of the sefer Chofetz Chayim!” While a lone witness is not believed, surveillance can be placed on a suspect, to verify a claim. Our Torah (unlike Catholicism) does not teach infallibility of a leader: Korach was a Prophet; and he had Tribal Chiefs, and Roshei Sanhedrin, among his adherents. “Al t’hiyeh baz l’chol adom, o maflig l’chol d’var!”

voseppes
voseppes
2 years ago

Only one point, that I must respectfully disagree with, in this extraordinary, brave, powerful essay: “The molester’s best friend is the Sefer Chofetz Chaim.” Rather: “The molester’s best friend is a misreading of the Sefer Chofetz Chaim.” See 4:7 and the Be’er Mayim Chaim. If the Chofetz Chaim had known about cw, he would have taken action, on the spot.

Sara
Sara
2 years ago

Thank you for writing this letter. You are helping so many Jews realize that sexual abuse is a real problem in the Jewish community.The more abusers worry that they will sit in jail with the dregs of society, the greater chance we have of keeping our children safe.My inner city students described to me how sexual abusers of children are treated by other prisoners in jail. Those guys understood the meaning of mida keneged mida.May Hashem help you erase your bad memories and give you only simcha, nachas, and excellent physical and mental health.

Sister
Sister
2 years ago

Rena, your voice is heard, painfully loud and sorrowfully clear. I believe you, Hopefully, we all take this as a lesson to at the very least educate our children responsibly, as we wait for bigger, bolder steps to be taken by the “rabbis”.

Ina
Ina
2 years ago

Ten years ago an extraordinary novel, “Hush” authored by Eishes Chayil was published. It had to be apparent to the reader that the author didn’t write a story of fiction. After a decade, it’s shameful our community still does not have the spine to eradicate this evil from our midst.

Anon
Anon
2 years ago

He was a monster. Even Gehinom is too good for him.

Tzvi
Tzvi
2 years ago

I couldn’t make it to the end of this letter; it’s too horrific. Unfortunately, the author’s suggestion that perhaps there might be advocates for a radical reform of the educational system is just a dream. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

#WeBelieveTheSurvivors
#WeBelieveTheSurvivors
2 years ago

We believe you and cry with you!
Thank you for writing this letter.

Those who knew cw was an abuser were supposed to protect you and support you. They are the guilty ones.

I’m glad you’re getting a voice now. You are helping protect others.

VIN, thank you for publishing this letter.

Survivor and Therapist
Survivor and Therapist
2 years ago

To “Rena,”

I don’t know if you will see my comment, but I couldn’t not respond…

I won’t answer to the specifics of the letter, partially bec I just cried and dissociated my way thru reading it, and I don’t trust myself to make sense.

I too, have lived thru hell. And reading your story reminded me that hell can be even hotter than I’ve experienced.

All I can say is that I see you. I hear your voice. On some level, I feel your pain. And I hope that you are seen by others too.

Please keep using your voice. Please don’t listen to the idiots who feel the need to shut you down. Please keep yelling, Bec the world needs your voice. The world needs you. And please keep healing. Know that as sullied as you feel, that is never your reality.

I am praying for you, praying for the other victims of cw yemach shemo, and praying for victims of hell all over the world.

The world holds so much evil. But we are rising from the ashes, beginning to take back our stories. I wish I can sign my name here. But the world isn’t ready for us.

I am sending you as much love and healing as a stranger on the internet can send.

May Hashem show us the light soon, and may evil be exposed thoughtout the world.

With love,
A fellow yid, and fellow survivor

Chutzpah
Chutzpah
2 years ago

To sum it all up.
In America the problem of molestation has been drasticly reduced. First of all yeshivas have cameras because they don’t want to be sued. Many shuls as well have cameras to protect young kids from getting molested in hallways or basements. The only real problem is two fold. Mikvehs are a serious problem. Young boys should not be in a mikveh with adult men unless they are being supervised by their fathers. I have heard of numerous cases that happened in mikvehs. There is no reason a kid under 13 needs to go to a mikveh. The second problem of molestation happens with relatives. That is difficult to control as it happens in homes and there are no cameras. Parents should not leave their kids hefker.

Sephardicpride
Sephardicpride
2 years ago

Absolutely heartbreaking. Thank you so much for being brave enough to write this.

Yosef Leib Bornstein
Yosef Leib Bornstein
2 years ago

As a survivor and now a therapist dealing with sexual abuse victims I am so proud of you and what you stand for. Don’t expect people to understand. You won’t feel better if they tell you so. You will never believe them. Just try your best to get healthier everyday and love love love your family. That is your greatest source of nachas and healing.
Kudos..

Moshe
Moshe
2 years ago

I’m sorry to say. But it’s more prevalent than you think

The_Truth
The_Truth
2 years ago

How can we move forward to stop this from happening again?
There is so much more awareness of abuse nowadays (especailly in America – I dont know about in Israel) but I am not naïve to think that abuse is not still happening. There needs to be more checks & balances of people in contact with children, especially of the opposite gender. More awareness & shmira of Yichud – installation of cameras would be a start.

Michoel
Michoel
2 years ago

Important: Rebbetzin Heller wrote a follow-up post that she published 11 days after her original post, here:
http://www.tziporahheller.com/from-the-rebbetzins-desk/betrayal

Some excerpts:

Dear dear friends- and at this point I realize that some of you no longer consider me your friend, or a friend of the community.

I have a confession to make. I wrote my last letter when I was suffering from the “Say it isn’t so” syndrome.

More confession. I wasn’t fully informed. Until I heard the dayanim who investigated the abuse had found the accusations to be true, I could not allow myself to let the emotions that I now feel to surface…

His life turned out to be a ghastly rebuttal of everything he ever wrote. The next thing I felt was betrayal. Not just by Walder

You are all right – there is too much silence. Betrayal puts the victims (and those of you who identify with the victims, which is where we all should be) into an impossible situation. You belong to a community (or trust an individual). He harmed you beyond repair. Beyond words. Beyond anything that you can absorb. You are alone with your secret. I should have said more about this fact.

My dear friends who care so much about their fellow Jews and about the truth, your outrage has touched me deeply and I commit to being at the forefront of a new era of honesty in this difficult and painful arena.

Tziporah

Jew
Jew
2 years ago

As a victim myself I can relate to many of the points you make. I think 30 years of problems in the Yeshivas. If only someone would have spoken out I would have had an an education. I would not live with the demons I live with today. Parents educate your kids please.

Leah weiss
Leah weiss
2 years ago

At the risk of being shot, the monster who destroyed people’s lives was not a rav or rabbi or even a licensed therapist. Im sure there are bad apples among rabbanim too. But he was not a rabbi.

yehuda
yehuda
2 years ago

I don’t normally write comments, but the letter was no “Chiddush” at all, anyone dealing with an serious abuse case knows that this is what the living murdered victim goes through, they all feel the same. The terror rips through their bodies day and night with the slightest trigger. I have never heard in my life an adult cry like the cry I heard from a victim, hours of uncontrolable crying.

Bob
Bob
2 years ago

I am so glad I finally read a testimony. This is so painful, my tears are flowing. There needs to be A LOT OF CHANGES in our community NOW!

Abe
Abe
2 years ago

Can VIN publish a copy of the original letter in a Hebrew?

Aaron
Aaron
2 years ago

Rena, thank you for your wonderful writing. I hope that it leads to solutions to the problems you raise.
My thoughts: The Haredi world is just opening up to the rest of the world about this issue and many others. I hope that they will reach out to experts in the field and institute training for Rabbis and teachers at all levels to teach why prevention is so important, how to implement it, as well as why not to judge one who brings a complaint to be a “moser” or even worse ‘try to handle it within the community.” Somewhere along the line someone needs to start working on the “killer argument” “but it will ruin the whole family’s chance of a good shidduch.” Best wishes to all of us!

I believe you. U are so strong!
I believe you. U are so strong!
2 years ago

All I can say is,
I read every word you wrote and I believe you!
From one survivor to another we’re strong and we got this!

Last edited 2 years ago by I believe you. U are so strong!
leora
leora
2 years ago

Your words are having an impact. I sat down with my daughters today to discuss the very points you wrote about. Your suffering will not have been in vain. Your heartfelt description and understanding of what you went through may be the catalyst for saving many girls.

jack
jack
2 years ago

As a Chasidic guy, I absolutely agree with the writers analyzation of the problem in our community.

Rebbe’s, Rabbis, and Rosh Yeshiva’s are NOT necessarily the best people.

The notion that a Jewish leader cannot be wrong, is not a Jewish notion.

Our greatest have been wrong, from Moshe Rabeinu, to King David.

This notion is the scourge of our generation, and must be eradicated.

Liz
Liz
2 years ago

Rena, this was so painful, but so extremely important to read.
I feel like I am a different person after reading your raw and honest piece, where you share so courageously.

if you read this, please know that I learned from what you have written how I should educate my young children about protecting themselves. Of course I learned the typical stuff before, but to explicitly tell them as you say that all that glitters is not gold and rabbis or other people they trust can do bad things)

as you write I cannot claim to understand and you certainly don’t need my pity. I can only give you my admiration for going through hell and coming out the other side, for writing this excruciating piece to show us what we didn’t understand and to try to effect true change.