R’ GERSHON RIBNER: How do I cope with my Anti-vax spouse?


LAKEWOOD (VINnews) — Rav Gershon Ribner recently spoke about how to deal with disagreements in marriage.

In a recent vaad, a newlywed submitted a question about his new wife, “an extreme anti vaxxer who believes virtually every conspiracy theory.”

The man asked how he can move forward living life together with his new wife.

Rabbi Ribner replied with a fundamental piece of advice about disagreement in marriage, and other areas as well. In the world that we live in, the person who is the bigger “bar daas”, generally needs to capitulate to the lesser “bar daas”.

He said that one of the “terrible crazy things” about the world is that the wiser person will see that a potential fight or division (or divorce) will rip them apart and he sees the potential damage. As a result, he will capitulate, and the person with less wisdom will end up winning.

The smarter person knows the perils of divorce. The other one who is more reckless, will fight until the death, and will not be wise enough to realize the damage they cause, so they will never give in.

Rav Ribner said that in all areas of life, the smaller bar daas tends to win the arguments. If there is a debate in shul over whether to daven nusach Ashkenaz or Sefard, the person with the wisdom to understand that a breakaway is a bad idea, will concede the debate to the other side.

The Rosh Yeshiva said, “The reckless “shoteh” wins.”

However, he concluded with words of hope, quoting the pasuk which says “Acharis l’ish shalom.” In the end, we may not understand when or how, but the wiser person who makes peace will ultimately come out on top.

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