I recently met a frum person I had known in graduate school before I began writing and publishing. After politely saying hello, they told me they had been reading some of my articles. With a mixture of pity, sympathy, and pain, they asked me if I had ever read the comment sections on articles I write. They had seen the vitriol comment sections in frum publications can have and the kind of rhetoric directed at me. Their question was a surprised one, which assumed one would only continue publishing in the face of such rhetoric if they were not aware of the abrasive commentary. I told them I did read the comments and that, nonetheless, I speak out on issues that are important to me. Why? Because there is a much bigger issue at hand–the breakdown of dialogue in our community.
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When looking through some of the frum weekly newspapers and magazines, one of the most entertaining and terrifying sections are the letters to the editor. Ubiquitous to frum publications is that often, many and even most of the letters are published and singed anonymously. Who hasn’t seen those letters from “dismayed bochur,” “concerned parents,” “distressed in Monsey,” “waiting for a Yeshua” and any other number of ways to sign your name without letting the world know who you are. Ironically, some of the publications most concerned with “cancel culture” and “the curtailing of free speech” somehow have audiences incapable of letting someone share an opinion using their own name. These same newspapers and magazines have also reached the unique point in which some columnists, reporters, and those who share their opinions widely, do so using pseudo names, abbreviations, and other means of disconnecting what they say from who they are and the communities they live in.
The frum community has come to a point where there is a proliferation of opinions, yet a near absolute social ban on openly expressing those. For the few who do express opinions–consequences await. From anonymous smears and comments to the few who think they are serving the needs of the community by viciously attacking other voices or portraying those as ill-intended, biased, having ulterior motives, or driving an agenda, those who speak out often pay a price.
Over the past two years, I have seen some of the most thoughtful, insightful, and caring voices in the frum community go silent. It is simply not worth speaking out. The result is the breakdown of any kind of civil and intelligent conversation and the loss of what those voices have to offer. It does not take a political scientist in Harvard to recognize the price a community pays for silencing public discourse and alienating many of those who genuinely care about the future of the community. Having those individuals and the voices, they represent withdraw from public discourse or communal advocacy cannot be something that benefits the future of the frum community.
While I have seen some find this to be painful within whatever segment of the frum community they belong to, it is doubly unfortunate when discussing differences between the different streams within the orthodox community. Looking through old issues of the RCA’s Tradition magazine, one sees constant robust discussions between luminaries of all streams of orthodoxy. To many, this was a way to begin articulating who they are, the path they found most compelling and unique, and an opportunity to become spokespeople for the ideas and communities from which they came. Writers like Rav Ahron Feldman would engage in meaningful conversation that conveyed an important message to the modern orthodox community. Recently, looking for a speech of Rabbi Dr. Norman Lamm, I found an exchange between him and Professor Aaron Twersky published in the Jewish Observer–a publication of the Agudath Israel of America. Sadly, such exchanges have become today far less common than they have in the past.
Concerns about cyberbullying, onaas dvarim, lashon hara, and other ethical issues, the cost of the breakdown of conversation within the frum community does have its price. Those who seek to find a voice and meaningful conversation often have to do so outside the world of orthodoxy. Issues that could have been resolved through direct and thoughtful dialogue remain unresolved, and individuals learn to lurk and hide behind the various curtains of anonymity technology has to offer; shallowness, bullying, and whataboutism dominate the conversation. How do I know this? Because if people are afraid not even to express an opinion but to just share a legitimate concern using their own name, communication is probably broken. Sure, it is unpleasant to be subject to the kind of bullying and harassment that come with expressing an opinion. Does that mean we should let that lead to the end of dialogue in the frum community–I would argue not.
The writer is an eleventh-generation rabbi, teacher and author. He has written Sacred Days on the Jewish Holidays, Poupko on the Parsha, and hundreds of articles published in five languages. He is a member of the executive committee of the Rabbinical Council of America.
if you have intelligent haskofas they will be debated intelligently by intelligent ppl,-example the debates btwn R’ Aharon Lichtestn and yibadel bein chaim lchaim Rav A Feldman. if you post stupid stuff on twitter, stupid ppl will respond to you with other stupid stuff
Anonymous commentators on a venue like VIN that is anonymously owned and that censors comments is quite an ironic venue for this conversation…
Go away! You are liberal hack infiltrator.
Sad but true, and getting sadder and truer all the time. Who of the younger generation today would believe tha Rav Shimon Shkop ztl spent a year in America in 1929, and gave a regular shiur at YU- RIETS during that year; that Rav J.B. Soloveitchik ztl was the guest speaker at a Chinuch Atzmai dinner honoring Rav Aharon Kotler ztl (the video is on the internet); that Rav Soloveitchik ztl was a cousin to Rav Moshe Feinstein ztl and the two of them were quite close. There are numerous other example, but today it’s “my way or the highway!”
Even if someone posts anonymously, there is an איסור לשון הרע and unless you are criticizing a frum author לתועלת it is guaranteed to be לשון הרע. Especially if someone posts a comment for the entire world to see, it is מבהיל להתבונן how many עבירות they can violate with a few keys and the click of a button.
With all do respect, the collapse is in the fact that people believe social media is a place for jews to discuss halacha and hashkafa. If any rabanim want to discuss or dialogue, the place is in the bais medrash or at a ravs’ dining room table. Most certainly not a the so called jewish publications or social media, like this platform.
Rabbi Poupko,perhaps we can have here a dialogue. On what topic?
Great article except for using “they” when referring to an individual. We must stand up to the bullies and emphasize that Hashem created people male and female.
I would also like to point out that there have always been sharp exchanges in the frum world. The Chavat Yair says that this is davka because of their high regard for each other. Any little deviation upset them greatly.
Please don’t confuse me with the facts I have my mind made up!
Who are you to have an opinion?
The biggest know-nothings have the greatest opinions on how everyone else has to behave! Actions matter opinions don’t!
There is a group of Jews who talk about ‘tikkun olam’, will you correct everything except yourself. Everyone else has to be straightened out! Me I can be a low life to the full extent so long as publicly I yell tikkun olam.
Actions are more important than opinions! Now you have my opinion and everyone else is also entitled to my opinion. Besides, you say frum people as if you yourself are not frum! That’s my opinion have a nice day
Good point. Back in the day, when people wrote letters, my Rebbe, Rav Mordechai Gifter received much correspondence. Some of it was not signed by the authors’ names, e.g. “the talmidim of so and so…” Those letters went straight into the garbage can (literally) without even being read.” Rav Gifter said, “Chosamo shel Hashem emmes, if one writes the emmes, he “shtells tzu” his name.’ It is mystifying that publications print what amounts to public attacks without requiring that the writers reveal their name.
Reb Poupko – really, what did you expect? From age 1 most frum people are taught blind observance to their Rebbe, complete 100% conformity and conditioning. Of course then, there can be no dialogue, when each side is fanatically tied to their Rebbe’s every word and gesture. And my Rebbe is always right. Therefore, the “other guy” is always wrong, even between frum groups. And forget about any respectful or sane dialogue from frum people when it comes to talking (or posting) to secular Jews, women, non-Jews, etc. This happens when freedom of thought is crushed and conformity rules. Question – is this Torahdik? Is this what HaShem had in mind?
back in the day when many chasidim were railing against Rav Pinchus Teitz zt”l, and his hashguchah, it was the Satmar Rebbe reb Yoel Teitelbaum zt”l, who invited him to be the guest headline speaker at the melava malka. Needless to say after that the oilam was shtill. Today couldn’t happen!
Not an orthodox rabbi says what.
1) I surely appreciate your aticles, we desperately need people like you who say out loud what many of us think but are afraid to say
2) you paint it as if its a recent breakdown in communication. in reality it was far worse 10 years ago and worse yet 20 years ago. as you said.. there’s a proliferation of opinions on the Frum community in recent years, albeit the acceptance and openness to different vies has not kept up pace, but even that is slowly moving in the direction of more openness and diversity.
3) its no surprise the Frum community’s reluctance of vies that ere different from our own, the reasons are many, we are educated to see things in black and white, Muttar and Usser and nothing in between, we guard our views protectively due o us not wanting to be swept up into really problematic views that pervade around us.
all in all this is something that is going in the right direction, slowly, carefully, exactly because opening up to different views IS filed with dangers and we have to weigh the dangers against the benefits
R’ Poupko, you are right and you are wrong. Most people can say what they want or write what they want and nobody would care. However, as a community, it is interesting that we are so hesitant to write our names. Virtually nobody that I know would not make a shidduch with someone or would hold anything against them for writing something unless it was terrible. Even then, they would probably ask out of curiosity and concern.
Maybe it’s good that people can post anonymously. It gives a venue to get out our nasty sides in a way that mostly just makes the poster look silly and the writer doesn’t need to feel too bad since the ones posting , look what they say.
Good article and keep them coming!
Frum Jews look to our rabonim for “opinions”, not random opinion columns, letters to the editor, or online comments. if someone puts their real name, it means they want to be identified and stand behind their view. The wonderful anonymity people use is because of our own humility before people whose guidance really matters.
It says in this weeks parsha to stone the person who causes others to sin.
Although I essentially agree with Rabbi Poupko, there is a good reason why people (including myself) post anonymously. Rabbi Poupko, who is an excellent writer and with whom I frequently agree, has a position and backing that allows him to speak his mind without consequence. If a regular yid posts under his or her own name, he or she would be harrased. Furthermore, public figures, like Rabbi Poupko, live public lives and it comes with the territory. Again, this does not apply to the hamon am.
Rabbi Poupko you ROCK ! ’If people don’t like you, you’re not making a difference in the world’ – KNOW you are making a difference. Thank you
thesis- antithesis- synthesis
quoting my bar Mitzvah haftorah ‘Not by military force and not by physical strength, but by My spirit,’
thank you for keeping modern Orthodox Judaism a welcoming environment.
while open dialogue is necessary it come with too great a price of bashing and destroying all the good our community has accomplished in the past and present. this is especially true online where there are nonfrum people its a bizayon to just air dirty laundry besides for the myriad of aveiros the chofetz chaim describes
you can this to your list of comments.
“Ubiquitous to frum publications is that often, many and even most of the letters are published and singed anonymously”
i have not yet had the zechus to see any authors of any anonymous letters singe their letter before me. maybe this author meant “sang”, not “singed”.
And I think that nobody should give ‘open dialogue’ to this anti-chareidi “Rabbi”
Like all other smart hats who have issues with the frum community, you have a problem with us then leave nobody needs you here let us live how we choose.
Yafed also has a problem with our community so does the conservative and the Jews for J, who are you to change us? we don’t want to change we want to live the way we want, since the dawn of Judaism everyone had a problem with us everyone wanted to change us, you should be smarter than that look at history go your own way and leave us in our away.