NEW YORK (Yaakov M / VINnews) — Recently, Dr. Yosef Sokol released a breakthrough study about the Shidduch Crisis. He surveyed 15,000 people, and worked meticulously to ensure the accuracy of his results.
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If correct, his data may challenge the “age-gap” theory (which is very logical but has not been statistically proven), and may point to alternative or additional causes of the crisis.
Either way, Dr. Sokol has triggered a contentious debate about the value and necessity of data and research.
As the frum community grows exponentially (BH), yeshivas are flourishing and thriving, more couples are marrying, yungerleit learning and becoming Rebbeim and Rabbonim, and a vast amount of Tzedaka is being donated.
With that said, growth brings new challenges and exacerbates the existing ones. It feels like we are facing new crises, with more lives impacted.
Yet because we lack the proper data–or ANY data–it is nearly impossible to know the magnitude of these crises, how many are impacted, and to identify the underlying root causes.
Which severely limits our ability to find solutions.
Instead we grope around, hypothesize, and rely on logic, instinct, and sometimes emotion. There has to be a better way.
Whether Dr. Sokol’s data is correct or not, one thing is clear. We need more data and studies, as he himself has said. Theories are good, but drastic solutions are being suggested, yet we do not have proof they will solve the crisis. In addition, there may be less drastic options which are even more effective.
Our community has vast resources and is highly sophisticated. We have state-of-the-art businesses and organizations in industries that include finance, real estate, health care, IT, law, foodservice, jewelry, and so many others.
It is inexplicable that we do not have conclusive research about a crisis which has plagued us for decades.
We should have the resources to fund and coordinate the research needed to identify the cause conclusively and find solutions.
And it’s not just the shidduch crisis. We face many crises, many people are reluctant to discuss openly, which is compounded by lack of data.
These include: drug use, OTD teens, abuse and molestation, bullying, overdoses, shalom bayis, the tuition crisis, device and technology addiction, teacher shortages, domestic abuse, kids not being accepted to yeshivas, and mental health problems.
There are rumors about drug use and overdose in the Charedi world which is kept hush-hush. What percentage of teens and adults are being impacted? How many children are not accepted to yeshiva each year? What percentage of children are being abused? Suffer from mental health issues? Are at-risk or OTD?
Every life is precious. But it is crucial to know, are we dealing with 10 people or possibly thousands? 1% or 15%?
And while many great organizations are tackling these issues–it is often reactionary, not preventive. Because we lack data, we intervene AFTER the problem arises, as opposed to adjusting or revamping the system to prevent it in the first place.
Regarding shidduchim, Dr. Sokol raised another critical observation. Whatever the underlying cause of the crisis, virtually all agree that too many boys and girls do not get married until their late twenties or thirties. Nobody seems to debate this.
Most of us know too many girls and boys who eventually find their match, but years later than they could have.
This is a crisis unto itself, and it begs the question, why are they not marrying sooner, since there is a match for them? Are they changing their standards with age? Not getting redt the proper shidduch? Some other factor?
It would seem that if we use data to determine why some boys and girls spend years dating, and others do not, we could focus on getting them married sooner.
I’m not saying it’s easy. But I think it is long overdue, and Baruch Hashem, Klal Yisrael is more equipped than ever to make this happen.
The author studied in Kollel for 14 years, was a Bais Medrash Rebbi over a decade, taught eleventh grade bekius, and obtained smicha from a top Rosh Yeshiva.
There are currently over 600 Bochurim being held hostage in the Freezer in BMG. Most of the Bochurim are 24 years old. They have hormones and the same inclinations and Gaavad as others their age. Yet they can’t date and are keeping hundreds of Bnos Yisrael without the ability to marry. Why? Because 26 years ago against the better advice of ALL the Gedolim in Israel one of the BMG Rosh Yeshivos decided (against the advice of the other BMG Roshei Yeshivos and the Gedoli HaDor in Israel to institute this policy. 26 years later there are people suffering from it and we are delaying Pru Urivu in Am Yisrael. Whether Dr. Sokol is right or wrong I don’t know. I do know that to institute a Freezer on 24 year old Bochurim is WRONG. Why can’t they date this Chanukah and have to wait to Tu Bav??? It is a travesty. Every day they delay Pru Urivu in Klal Yisrael will be accounted for by Hashem.
Who’s being mekudesh in the picture????
Girls and boys are not allowed to meet and date. Resumes have
sucked the life out of romance. Shatchunus has become a business that does not always serve the interest of people searching for a zivuk. I suggest every community build a well where boys and girls can meet and talk and get to know each other. Some of the great shiduuchim came to be at a wll.
The photo shows her putting the ring on him, very goyish
Excellent oped with great points. Hopefully this will encourage more research and data driven community as solutions as Rav Aaron Lopiansky recently recommended for the Shidduch Crisis at the Agudah Convention. Thank you Yaakov M.
For the 100th time there is no age gap theory, it’s been debunked, it’s flase. Men always married younger women
There are no stock photos of a chasan putting a ring in a kallah. Do you have tomresuse this photo of a kallah putting a ring on a chasan?
We don’t need data. We know many reasons for the crisis and have been discussed here. Start by allowing boys & girls to talk at events like weddings , etc. Stop wasting time on which schools they attend , stop giving control of our kids to yeshivas. Start with these.
If the “Age-Gap” theory is true, then why was it NEVER MENTIONED by previous generations, over the past 33 centuries?
Thank you for a thoughtful op-ed. It is heartwarming to see other people thinking rationally. Let’s stop wasting money on ads about the crisis and all the other money that gets wasted on PR campaigns and spend it finding out the real solutions!
All these problems can be resolved by the parents, so instead of blaming everyone teach your kids the right way and they will have less problems when it’s their turn.
Is there data about how much hate an innocuous photo on VIN can generate? That’s thecreal crisis…
In Europe nobody collected data
you wrote:
“Our community has vast resources and is highly sophisticated. We have state-of-the-art businesses and organizations in industries that include finance, real estate, health care, IT, law, foodservice, jewelry, and so many others.”
Sure but they don’t make decisions for the Kllal. they sit quietly on the sidelines and hope they don’t get hit by this speeding train.
Hear Hear, well spoken
Another big issue is parents having a hard time finding the right shadchanim and not being able to network their way around could just be waiting for friends to refer friends wich get ppl nowere
I just wanted to be commentor # 10.
Data???.. what is that?? another new Gezeirah?!
Chodosh Usser min Hatorah we didn’t have data for 3 thousand years and we don’t need data now!!!.
isn’t Daas Torah enough?! isn’t Ruach hakodesh enough?
if our mega Rebbes and Rosh Yeshivas don’t see the problem perhaps there is no problem.
The rabbanim need to reinstitute the ability for a man to have more than one wife
Maybe the new problem is the vaccine, and not all the other stuff.