NEW YORK (R’ Elchanan Poupko) — When Jews left Judaism and Orthodoxy in droves during the 1800s and early 1900s, the great sages of the generation took strong action. Great sages, from the great Chafetz Chaim to several Lubavitcher Rebbes, From Sarah Schnirer to the Alter of Novardhok and R’ Meir Shapiro, addressed the problems, did their best to implement improvements and remedies and fought heroically to fill the historic role Jewish leaders have taken throughout the generations to preserve Yiddishkeit through the countless challenges we have faced as a people.
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They were not labeled as anti-Charedi for not towing party line or saying that everything is perfect; they acknowledged the problems and addressed them.
This being said, it is important we acknowledge the new reality of our generation, and that is that the Baal Teshuva movement, as we knew it is dead. It is no longer here. This is not just something that has to do with the world of Jewish outreach, it also can tell us a lot about the state of orthodoxy, and the rapidly changing world we are living in.
Is there an easy metric to show how much of a decline the movement has been through? Taking a quick look at the historical Ba’alei Teshuva yeshivas might help. Many of the Yeshivas and seminaries that used to serve the many young Jews who wanted to join our communities and study in a Yeshiva for that purpose, are now filled with students who grew up in some of the most frum communities and now find themselves in a program in one of these institutions. Sometimes it is because the Yeshiva/ Seminary could no longer fill its seats with Baalei Teshuva who are no longer knocking on their doors so they opened a program for graduates of frum schools, and other times a need came up in the community because there was no longer room for those students in our “conventional” Yeshivas. Students who used to fit in just fine to Yeshivas like Torah Vedaas or Chaim Berlin now might have to go find themselves a less conventional Yeshiva. If that does not tell you something about how our community has changed, I do not know what will.
In the wake of Chabad’s recent Kinus Hashluchim, some contrasted the photos of the 2022 Kinus Hashluchim with more than 6000 shluchim doing amazing work around the world vs. one of the first Kinus Hashluchim with just over 60 Shluchim gathered in Crown Heights. Seems like an amazing success. Yet in a recent article in Jewish Action, the figure for the total of ba’alei Teshuva per year in our community is held up to be at about 2000 a year between all Kiruv movements combined.
If we have 6000-10000 people working in Kiruv and 2000 coming in a year, with the possibility of more than 2000 leaving every year, one might say that the 65 Shluchim of the Rebbe were getting better results in the 1970s and 1980s.
Lehavdil Elf Elfei Havdalos, an article a few years ago covering young Mormon missionaries, who also seek to convert others to their denomination, found that the number of converts per missionary is 3.4. It does not seem like we are at a tenth of their impact. We cannot ignore such a huge change.
While the article in Jewish Action sought to find the reasons for the declining numbers of those joining our community, few of those reasons address the ways in which our own community has changed. Symbolic of that oversight was blaming the state of mental health on college campuses for fewer people joining our community. If I had to address young Jews on college campuses hesitant to join our communities, I would more likely say: “it’s not you; it’s me.” “Aval Ashemim Anachnu”.
So what should we make of the lack of those wanting to join our community and those who are leaving our community?
It is very simple.
The frum community owes its current growth to high birthrates, not to how appealing, pleasant, or meaningful our community is. Not only are few choosing to join us despite the resources we are investing in that, but many are leaving. Yet the worst part of it is that we do not care.
We have chosen as a society to give up on 10-20% of our children for the sake of certain standards of living, an unexplainable system of meaningless elitism, and making sure that our child does better than our neighbor’s child.
We have forsaken the idea of affordable day school education for all; while some communities should be applauded for making sure Jewish education is affordable for all, most communities have failed to do so. To understand this from a historical perspective: American Jewry, the wealthiest community in Jewish history, has failed in what every Jewish community throughout history saw as the most fundamental communal need–Jewish education for all. What Jews in Yemen, Lithuania, Tunisia, Galicia, France, and Persia, were able to do under the most dire circumstances, we were not able to do. We were not able to secure Jewish education for all, even while we possess the means to easily do so. At the same time, we spent lavishly and even promiscuously on other causes which we did not have to. Our institutions worked for some while failing others.
I recently spoke to a prominent menahel of a well-known and widely respected school and asked him if it was true that many parents are having a hard time getting their child even into the first grade in a school. He told me he recently needed to intervene and use his prestige and connections to get his grandson into the first grade in Lakewood. While the madness of having to use all the connections you have to simply get a regular child into first grade is more unique to Lakewood than other communities, the rising bar of meaningless exclusivity has been increasingly dominating our community. Those who are at the top of this pyramid are okay with a system that benefits them, even if it heartlessly cuts our others, and too many people find themselves on the outside for no good reason.
This brings me to where Kiruv is at today and why this is all about so much more than Kiruv. The reason for low numbers joining our community is the same tragic reason some leave our community: we simply don’t care. Orthodoxy’s birthrates are high, our institutions are full to capacity, no one would like to upset the status quo, and our mosdos are all in an excellent position to reject a large number of people without anyone losing their job. Who wants someone else to join our community when parents struggle to simply get their child into summer camp? True, we culturally applaud this celebrity or that celebrity becoming frum, but that is just to raise the already high status of the top of the social pyramid in our community.
The people who are doing Kiruv out there are doing the most amazing work that has ever been done. Sadly, too often, there is nowhere to bring people to. All of the doors are closed, and the beautiful fruits of being frum are often too high to be reached. Does this mean those working in the field of outreach are doing something wrong? No, it means we as a community need to start doing so much better. If we continue to foster an environment in which self-congratulation is all that is permitted and do not reflect or self-improve, we sin to who we are as a people and are complicit in all those who leave because we could simply not be bothered to make space for them.
The writer is an eleventh-generation rabbi, teacher and author. He has written Sacred Days on the Jewish Holidays, Poupko on the Parsha, and hundreds of articles published in five languages. He is a member of the executive committee of the Rabbinical Council of America.
Back in the day if you told a school “I’m sending to public school because tuition is too expensive” the school would say “come for free.”
Today they will tell you “go to public school.”
Pashuteh Yid said this on 2009 May 31:
“On the topic of Baalei Tshuvah, we ought to look at ourselves as far as how we treat BT’s. We are all head over heels for supporting the kiruv organizations and trying to make everyone frum that we meet.
But what happens when we do make someone Frum?
They must often separate from all of their former family and friends.
They now have nobody. Do we invite them to our homes?
Not just once in a while for Shabbos, but what if they just don’t want to be alone in their basement apartment on a weekday night and want the company of a family to be around, or a comfortable living room to sit in for a change and read a book? Are our houses truly open 24/7?
And what about shidduchim?
Let’s be honest, most Chareidim will not touch anybody no matter how great their recommendations and qualities if their parents are not also Chareidim. For a ger it is even worse. We totally shun them.
The best we would do for a BT is usually to try to find them another BT, but they are never good enough for us.”
SOURCE: The Yeshiva World dot com
Here is a great idea! Leave the east coast! Leave high taxes high hone prices snobbiness grotesque materialism gaudiness etc. move out of town. Pittsburgh, cleavelanf cinncinati, Detroit, Minneapolis Milwaukee St. Louis etc etc. enjoy a richer spiritual life with a cheaper gashmius life. Many if these communities have state sponsored tuition and NO children are turned away from a Jewish education. Are out of town communities perfect? No. But I have yet to meet someone who moved from Brooklyn who is unhappy out of town. Big yards fresh air low taxes low house prices. Polite respectful gentiles and Jews alike. The east coast offers nothing but stress
Rabbi P.
mad a chabad shliach on campus for over 2 decades. I have hundreds joining us for some sort of Jewish program each week. I keep the “very traditional” kids string while on campus. We have inspired 25 former students to become either chabad, yeshivish, modox and a few plain shomer shabbis no-name brand. All are successful and have Parnasa.
Now, as to your point. 95% of our work is to strengthen the rest of the population to do mitzvos, and have some sort of kesher with yiddishkeit as not to intermarry and hopefully tbey can be involved with supporting Israel, supporting Jewish organizations, even maybe supporting Torah orgs.
as I surprised that as an out of box type of rabbi you would know that rabbis are not just fisherman looking for a fish, but to uplift the entire river.
hatzlacha
The balei teshuva of the ’60’s, 70’s and 80″s had frum grandparents who they remember. The kids today have no frum relatives that they remember, so Yiddishkeit seems too foreign to them.
I don’t think this fellow knows what he is talking about. BTs don’t take an overview of the frum community prior to opting in. They are usually drawn by the value system and an inner voice that urges them (think of רוּת). Without a doubt there will be difficulties along the way but if they are honest they will stay the course.
There has been a worldwide spiritual decline over the last 15 years or so and that would probably account for it. That’s all.
The potential population of baalei Tshuvas has declined because of the huge number of children from intermarriages who are not halachicaly Jewish. With a 60% -80% intermarriage rate outside of New York half of the children of those marriages have a non Jewish mother.
In the 1950’s, 60’s and 70’s intermarriage had not reached this century’s level.
Rabbi Poupko,
What a well written article, due out a long time ago. There are 2 points I would like to mention.
1-The 6000 Chabad shluchim have moved into the communities and have inspired and brought up the the level of yidduiskeit in those communities. No longer is there the 180 Degree Turn in people. They have changed a generation by moving into the communities
2 – The shenanigans the frum people do and get so publicized , that the potential BT does not look at “ she or he is joining a beautiful people”. We have to be better and more erlich yidden. Look closely and you will see many BT have left once they got here and saw us at a closer look
My theory is that today people dont have time to stop and think and take stock of their lives. Too much technology information non stop.
Bravo! Beautifully put. There are many problems in our community. Not sure where to begin. But, if I were to choose just one issue, it would be that of control. We have become very controlling. Even I, an adult, am losing interest in our community. And, our children are certainly not interested. However, with that said, I cannot help but notice the numbers of converts amongst us. I cannot fathom why anyone would become a convert.
Many of our students/alumni who become Shomer Shabbos move into the Edison/Highland Park NJ community and they seem to really excel here. They are the ones who are creating the Kol Torah during night seder, get involved with local schools/shuls and are thriving in general.
Meir Goldberg
Meor Rutgers JX
I’m commenting for the perspective of a Chusid
We all used to believe. period. our great, now deceased leaders actually believed in the cause and they believed in us and we in them,
all that changed.
Nowadays all they believe in is money and power… just like we do, the difference is they have it and we don’t. yet we continue going through to motions, a large slumbering train barreling down the tracks driven by inertia.
The pampered children of the previous’ generation of Gedolim continue to “play” Rebbe and we continue to “play” Chasidim. we all play the part .but the heart is no longer there. no wonder we don’t attract anyone and have a hard time retaining what we have,
even natural growth is no longer a given, birth rates have dropped in our comunity, its an open secret.
Zohar, volume II, Parshat Shemot, page 12B:
“Rabbi Abba taught:
… A good child born of wicked parents is of special excellence; being pure from impure, light from darkness, wisdom from folly.”
====================================
Rabbi Lazer Brody said:
“There is a terrible phenomenon, even within “religious” circles, of scoffing at Baalei Teshuva…”
SOURCE:
The Diamond Digger, a lecture by Rabbi Lazer Brody, June 2020
====================================
Rabbi Ephraim Z. Buchwald said:
Today, unfortunately, we find trends that are going in the opposite direction, where Baalei Teshuvah and their children often discover that they are NOT welcome.
I wonder if the children of Reish Lakish, who started as a highwayman, were prohibited from attending the local schools and shuls because of Reish Lakish’s ignoble past.
This growing practice is not only terribly wrong, but a real turnoff to anyone who is thinking of becoming, or has become, an observant Jew.
SOURCE: Mishpacha Magazine BT Symposium, 2012 September 13
====================================
Rabbi Chananya Weissman said:
“Baal Teshuvahs are usually dumped on; they rarely get set up with people with good backgrounds.”
SOURCE:
The Dating Game Gone Mad by Debra Nussbaum Cohen, 2003/7/3
====================================
“…we [baalei teshuvah] are basically considered chopped liver…”
SOURCE: Straight Talk about the Shidduch World, a YouTube video by Chananya Weissman 2022 July 19, time = 30 minutes 45 seconds
He is way too dramatic. Not everything is so extreme. There are multiple reasons why kiruv might not be as effective nowadays. My wife works for NCSY and technology is definitely a problem. Wokeness on college campuses is also effecting baal tshuva turnouts. The other thing is the low pay given to kiruv workers which makes it not a long term profession for most. Also this article ignores follow up on the baal tshuvas of yesteryear. How many of them are still frum? Some times they don’t last. Lastly, there are plenty of people who do care so enough with the doom and gloom.
Well written article. However, here is where I lost you… If there are 2,000 Balei Teshuvos per year, that is 20,000 per 10 years and 60,000 per 30 years.
These same Shluchim of the Rebbe are not just bringing people in to the Frum community and moving them to Teaneck or Williamsburg, the Shluchim continue learning with them and guiding them in their Kehilah.
These 6,000 Shlichim are teaching the newcomers and davening with them etc. So yes B”H the community is growing and we need more manpower to keep up with the tremedous success in this field.
I don’t think numbers matter. One baal teshuva is an entire world.
I dont usually agree with this author due to his liberalism, but he is spot on. If you look at the articles in the FJJ spotlighting the BJX and RAJE baal tshuva stuff it is ALL filled with praise of RICH askanim and how you can be living the high life of Florida vacations, ski resorts, glenfiddich, steak every night, driving a bentley and say youre from as youre not texting on Shabbos. The new “kiruv movement” is all about you see you can be doing everything youre doing now AND MORE and still be “frum” and honored like a king if you are an askan.
The comparison with Mormon missionaries doesnt make much sense…their goal is to convert people, kiruv Rabbis arent going out to convert non-Jews, theyre dealing only with Jews. Most of them dont have the goal of only making Baalei Teshuva, introducing frei Yidden to authentic Yiddishkeit is important, even if they dont become shomer Torah umitzvos overnight (or ever).
The whole premise of this article is that less Baaley Teshuva than in the past means we are doing something wrong is flawed. The situation today and the heyday of the Kiruv movement in the 70s and 80s is totally not comparable for things that have nothing to do with the frum world.
Back then
(1)The typical secular Jew was starting off with a strong Jewish identity. As opposed to today when we have be happy if he isn’t starting off with hostility.
(2) There was a general sense of seeking in the world. Cults that required major devotion were also more popular .And the success they had with secular Jews dwarfed that of the Kiruv movement. An astounding forty percent of the Moonies (!!!) and other such cults were secular Jews.
(3)Back then the overwhelming majority of Americans Jewish or non-Jewish accepted the truth of the Torah having been given on Har Sinai. While the majority of Americans probably still believe that today it is no longer the strong axiomatic belief that is was then. In fact it is constantly under attack in venue like The New York. Therefore it is harder in general to talk about living your life in accordance with Torah to a secular Jew.
(4)Wokeness replaced (the respect for) religion in more liberal quarters. To quote a secular Jewish writer his daughter and her friends have become orthodox but their orthodoxy has nothing to do with Judaism. Their diet follows strict rules (organic, locally grown, not genetically modified); they holds religious beliefs on climate change (skeptics are “heretics”); they are obsessed with Israel but only in the sense of hating it for not doing what liberal writer say it should etc.
Whatever the frum world needs to improve it is transference to think that they are the cause of the lessened success of the Kiruv movement.
There are many chabad communties where people are kind of neither here nor there. In other words, many are like Jared, traditonally frum and part of chabad as their shul vs a reform shul. But they never become fully “yeshiva guys” or even fully frum. Chabad does get them to do more mitzvas like putting on teflin, esrog on YT somewhat keep shabbos, but they don’t necessailry transform them in a way that kids attend yeshivas. Kids will attend maybe some kind of hebrew class at chabad. Its kind of its own flavor of orthdoxy. I am not crticzing this. It has its place since many wouldn’t join if there was pressure to completely change their lifestyle. But they aren’t part of this rabbi’s data.
I will also say that some criticism can be leveled at the charedim since we became so much of a closed box and so closed minded that makes it very hard for a BT to join us. Another pointer re public schools. The writer has it very wrong. if someone told a yeshiva we can’t afford it and we will send to PS, the reason they won’t be accpeted isn’t becuase of the money. There are plenty of frum parents that don’t pay or are poor and stuck behind bills. Schools let plenty in for free. Its better than it was 30 years ago. (maybe not better than 75 years ago). But schools would never ever take a family who is “holding by ” sending to PS since we are so closed minded. They are too “modern” for us.
But yes, a BT expects a lot more from the frum community and they often disappoint them. I always say Judaism is often badly represented by Jews…and let’s face it, mainstream Orthodoxy would still be in the Stone Age if not for BTs, and I mean that intellectually spiritually and materially. BTs have transformed Yiddishkeit and the Yichasonim resent it I think. Well, tough. You don’t want to marry a BT or child of a BT then they will find someone who does. Take your Yichis which is usually pretty shvach for most people and keep marrying first cousins.
Maybe Hashem is telling us to move to Israel? We talk the talk but do we walk the walk? Im not saying things are perfect there, yet. But just pointing out our duplicity and if we are teaching one thing but doing another, what message are we imparting. No generation has had it easier to make Aliyah. Hashem is doing His part, we need to do ours.
One of my pet peeves: I read Hebrew well but frequently find myself praying with leaders of prayer who are impossibly fast. If I have trouble, what happens to someone who is not familiar with Hebrew prayer? Let’s say someone who might be considering upgrading his Yiddishkeit…In short we need to be careful with how Jews of all levels of practice have the ability of encouraging or discouraging the next generation of Jews. Kol tuv.
Jewish schools in Toronto came together to Beis Din and change the way how they see a child applying to their school as a business transaction. The concept of every Jewish child deserves a Jewish education has now became a business transaction and schools have the right to turn away a Jewish child applying to their schools the same way a business chooses which customers to accept. If you have the power to annual this gezarah please help!! Kids have been denied learning Torah and ended up going to public schools..
Kudos to R’ Poupko for his bravery and candour. I would however take issue with his opening paragraph.
The Torah leadership in the 18th, 19th and early 20th century did little to nothing to deal with the secularization of the Jewish world. They could perhaps have prevented or at least mitigated it by changing the chinuch in the chadarim from a we’re the only game in town approach to one that gave students a proper reason to believe and practise. They got lazy, and when the doors opened to the wider world, there was a stampede for the exits. Their answer was further isolation and insulation. How did that work out? Should sound familiar to us.
In addition, they utterly failed to anticipate the exodus to North America of the late 1800s. They did nothing to prepare the ground for a Torah infrastructure so Jews arrived in a midbar.
There is much more to say but I will leave it at that.
The writer says that the problem is that ‘we don’t care’. Whilst I don’t disagree, I believe the true problem is much deeper. Torah Judaism has very little to offer young Jews seeking spirituality and meaning. Because we don’t strive for either of those ourselves. Where does G-d exist in our society? Is He at all relevant to us? From what I see, not at all. A G-dless society will not attract the truth seekers most likely to become baalei teshuva.
It’s very easy to point out every flaw in the Frum community & then claim that our whole way of life is a failure. This is so so wrong & not how Torah leaders try to improve their flock.
Every point Rabbi Poupko made can be easily disputed & disproven.
His main point as usual is that us Frum people are a self absorbed & elitist society who therefore ignore the needs of the minority that can’t get in or succeed in our schools & we don’t care enough about kiruv to bring back secular Jews.
Point one) Kiruv is on the decline for reasons unrelated to the frum community. Aish Hatorah & Ohr Someiach have seen dwindling numbers of students for decades now. Today’s secular Jew is so much more removed from Torah traditions than the Balei teshuvah of the 60’s & 70’s were.
Point 2) Thousands of Frum Jews volunteer an hour each week studying as a Torah mate or partners in Torah. Chabad has never had more shluchim or Chabad houses then now. There are Kiruv podcasts, Facebook Rabbis, Campus Rabbis, all chasing the few secular Jews still interested in considering living by the Torah. Our way of life is so foreign & irrational to the secular person, he doesn’t feel any identity with it.
How many people converted to Judaism after Yetzias Mitzrayim? 1. YIsro.
It’s a big chiddush if 2000 people become frum each year.
Point 3) The Yetzer Horah is aiding the Mormons convert people to their beliefs, He’s working against those trying to me mekarev Jews. That’s why it’s so much more difficult.
Point 4) The reason why it’s hard to get in to a schools in Lakewood is mainly because the Schools B”H are filled to capacity. You can’t blame a whole society for imbalances in the educational structure in a city. Can you blame all the people in Lakewood for all the traffic on the roads here? of course not!
Point 5) The Response in Europe to the Haskalah & the abandonment of faith by huge numbers of Jews was sadly an abysmal failure. There were gedolei Yisroel who stated that the reason why the tzadikim perished in the holocaust was because so little was done to be mekarev those who were going off. The kiruv richokim & krovim of the last few decades is a tremendous innovation that never existed in the past.
POint 6) You don’t improve people by bashing what’s working, you inspire them to build on the good they’ve done. I applaud the Frum community for remaing faithful to our Mesorah at a time that th rest of the world scoffs at our beliefs. We support each other with so many forms of tzedakah & chessed. AS Rav Avigdor Miller Zatzal would say, Hashem is very proud of his loyal people. Surely, there’s room for improvement, but let’s highlight the positives of Am Yisroel, not the negatives.
haven’t heard this guy whining for a while – welcome back
…not to how appealing, pleasant, or meaningful our community is…
Sad that it just isn’t meaningful anymore …
I beg to differ. Here’s a perspective from the place where you’d least expect Kiruv to be successful.
I live in Flatbush and witness the incredible Kiruv work of BJX, Brooklyn’s Kiruv Center, on a regular basis. They are changing lives and reaching out to the most secular Brooklyn Jews (as well as those off the derech).
Woof, open up the windows.
all I see is anger
The Rabbi writer mentions the issue of not attracting BT or holding on to them like the good old days of 20-40 years ago. If that’s the case, it is due to the worship of the new Golden Calf – exclusivity. The thinking, expressed in virtually every VIN comment is – I’m better than you, my shul is better, my background is better, my learning is better, my color is better, etc. This religious narcissism is why BT and others go OTD ASAP.
Your point might be true in Lakewood. I don’t know if any other community where BTs have a hard time getting their kids into school.
The old model had flaws and for many reasons doesn’t work today. Having people drastically change their lives had negative effects on them and their children. The newer model of starting young and encouraging kids to join NCSY and other programs, encouraging entire communities to take on small observances, etc is healthier and more sustainable. It may not yield numbers, but it staves off intermarriage and potentially leads to the next generation growing even more. Also, the lack of positivity in our community which you decry is oozing from your own words. Why not judge our communities more favorably? There are so many logical explanations. For one, Lakewood doesn’t have enough room for their kids in their schools. I think it’s important to encourage people to stand up and try to make changes, but keep in mind that Sarah Schenirer, Rav Shapiro, and the Alter absolutely did face their share of ridicule and backlash. Communities throughout the ages have NOT succeeded in implementing Jewish education for all, whether in France, Galicia, or what have you. Problems like this are age old. We don’t need them pointed out to us so we can self-flagellate and get nowhere. We need SOLUTIONS. I look forward to your article proposing feasible and sustainable solutions to the problems our communities face.
The good thing is that you didn’t make a phone call to one Rabbi of the Anglo Baal Teshuva Yeshivos in Israel as they are all full at close to maximum capacity. I know this first hand.
Hatzlacha Rabba
“not towing party line”
That should be “not toeing the party line”.
I definitely think we need more trans, gays, bis, Jewish through their great grandfather or Reform converted grandmother….NOT! Please live in REALITY! The world out there is insane!!! Let’s focus on frum and real Jews, helping them be TRUE TORAH in these terribly confusing times! Stop being closed minded and open your eyes! Whom exactly do you think you are going to “be mekarev” nowadays?!