By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
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One month ago, the Far Rockaway/Five Towns community lost an extraordinary woman. Rebbitzen Toby Weitman a”h, was one of the builders of the Torah community in Far Rockaway and the Five Towns, who personified a regal and quiet dignity. The Bais Yaakov she had built side by side with her husband, the Torah Academy for Girls has, throughout six decades, educated several thousand bnos Yisroel – the great-grandmothers, the grandmothers, the mothers, and the young ladies of this community.
But aside from her work in building a remarkable Mossad of Torah, Rebbitzen Weitman a”h was an extraordinary woman in and of herself. She was the paragon of a baalas chessed, and her warmth and care for every kind of Jew was awe-inspiring. What follows is just a small and inadequate glimpse of who this very special woman was.
Rebbitzen Weitman a”h, nee Rosengarten, was born in Toronto in the early 1930’s – during a time where a Torah education for girls did not yet exist. Her parents, however, were Bobover Chassidim from Cracow, Poland, who managed to arrive in Canada before the Churban. They imbued her with a love of Torah and its values. She was one of seven children that survived infancy.
Her parents provided their children with a remarkable chinuch. They taught her true dveikus bashem and to enjoy and appreciate davening and saying Tehillim. When Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky zt”l arrived in Toronto, he became a strong influence on the family. Her mother would take the young Toby Rosengarten out every Friday night – and say, “Let’s go see a tzadaikkes” and she would take her to Rebbitzen Kamenetsky. Even though her mother was chassidish and Rebbitzen Kamenetsky was litvish – she nonetheless considered her such a tzadaikes that she would bring her 8 year old- daughter to see her.
The chinuch she received was successful. Her dveikus bashem was awe-inspiring. Her Tehillim was constantly on her lips. But there was more. Rebbitzen Weitman was a throwback to a previous time – a time of sheer selflessness, of ahavas habrios and ahavas Yisroel. She greeted everyone with a saiver panim yafos that reflected this. Her genuineness and authenticity was readily apparent to anyone who came in contact with her.
The young Toby Rosengarten had a close friend growing up in Toronto, who was not shomer Shabbos – and yet because of her boundless ahavas Yisroel, she remained close to her for the majority of her life. She interacted with so many people on a very personal level. She took the time to get to know them.
As she was growing up, some three hundred and thirty seven miles away, in Montreal, a young and dynamic Rav, a student of Torah VaDaas and of Beis Medrash Elyon, started a day school and developed a reputation as a master pedagogue. They did not meet, however. Eventually, this young man, Rabbi Moshe Weitman, took a position in Monticello, New York as the Rav of the Landfield Avenue Shul. He was a dynamic Rav, but still single.
During the summer months, the young Toby Rosengarten did go to summer camp in the Catskills. She attended Rabbi Newhaus’ Camp Bais Yaakov for six years. Her father would bring her over the border to Buffalo, New York, every summer to attend. The first time she came, was in 1946 and she stayed with relatives until the camp started. Even at a tender age, her mannerisms and interactions with others reflected a maturity and commitment to Yiddishkeit far beyond her years. Rabbi Weitman’s sister took notice of the young Toby Rosengarten and thought that she would make a remarkable life partner for her brother. A shadchan was found and soon, they got engaged.
Two years after he had taken his position as the Rav there, Toby Rosengarten married Rav Moshe Weitman in 1952, and became the Rebbitzen of the Monticello community that very day. During sheva brachos, her husband tended to a levaya and she was immersed immediately in her role as Rebbitzen – at the tender age of 18.
For fifty-six years, they worked together side by side, building Torah and building Klal Yisroel. Together, they built the ruchniyus and spirituality of the Torah community in Monticello. And together, they built the Monticello shul, in terms of its membership and even its physical plant. Eventually, many of these families in Monticello, moved to New York City and built very strong Torah homes.
In Monticello, some of the store owners – wanted late services on Friday nights. They wanted, it seemed, a hechsher on their chillul Shabbos. Her husband, however, would not budge. Soon a letter arrived in the mail. It stated that her husband had no job. The young Rebbitzen was expecting and was somewhat unnerved by the contents of the letter. Upon her husband’s arrival home, she presented him the letter. He encouraged her and responded, “A Rav who they don’t want to fire, is not a Rav.” They ignored the letter and immersed in their work ever deeper.
She interacted with yidden from all walks of life and yet with all of that never compromising her own Torah standards at all. She grew up in an extremely chassidish home and yet she was very beloved. Most of the congregants in Monticello were not yet Shomer Shabbos. Eventually, however, those that wanted to fire them became shomer Shabbos themselves. They sent their children to Yeshivos as well and today, many of those families are leading members of their Torah communities.
The Monticello community grew. Rav Weitman became involved in the Day School, and became the Rav of two shuls in Monticello. The Weitman family grew as well, and eventually, with five young boys, the Rebbitzen encouraged her husband that their children’s chinuch needs would require relocation.
In 1963, Rav Weitman and his Rebbitzen accepted the offer to head the fledgling new all-girls school, the Torah Academy for Girls in Far Rockaway. Far Rockaway at the time offered the dual advantage of being able to do for Klal Yisroel as well as being close in proximity to the type of Torah Chinuch that they required.
Their impact was immediate. The talmidos felt an unprecedented warmth emanating from Rabbi Weitman and his rebbetzin, who worked with him in the school. The students felt their deep and abiding ahavas yisroel.
Those that had brought him into TAG had assured him that he would only be in charge of the Chinuch and that the finances were up to them. This, however, was not exactly true, and as soon as he had moved in, he was informed that the fundraising was also up to him. When finances were hard in the very beginning – Rebbitzen Weitman had sheltered the children from it, and they never knew that anything was amiss. The right side of the kitchen was a white-painted wood and she could not fathom any reason to change it. Her son Reb Meyer recalled, “We never felt a lack of anything.”
Over the years, Rebbitzen Weitman served as a paragon of chessed, ahavas Yisroel, and yiras shamayim – inspiring many students and women toward a Torah life. She partook in everyone’s family events, and did so with such a simcha, that everyone could perceive her genuine love and happiness for them.
Their students graduated, married b’nei Torah, and raised beautiful families. Second. Third, and fourth generation TAG students have become the norm. Rebbitzen Weitman would enjoy meeting former students and delighted in catching up with them. She also took the time to inquire as to how their former students were doing and was always concerned of their welfare – even for several years after they had graduated.
The Rebbitzen participated in every simcha of her wide circle of acquaintances, and r”l every funeral or shiva as well. Her son recalled how she would so meticulously mark down dates of events, so that she could not only participate in their simcha, but also call their relatives and wish them a heartfelt mazel tov. People realized that she was very special and they gave her names to daven for. She davened for cholim, for shidduchim for others.
“She had a special system with envelopes – she labelled them with a date,” her daughter Tzini Oelbaum recalled. “Sometimes, when she could no longer manage it on her own, she would send a child or grandchild to go in her stead. She took it so very seriously.”
Rebbitzen Weitman expressed remarkable noseh b’ol chaveiro – sharing the burden with others. She had a long list of home-bound individuals in the neighborhood and beyond – visiting them on a regular basis. She shared their concerns and their worries.
The Rebbitzen was truly selfless and would avoid telling her family members things that would cause them to worry. She had Parkinson’s disease for over ten years, but she never wished others to know. She was about everyone else but herself. Once, when she had suffered a stroke and fell down unable to get up, she expressed relief that her granddaughter who generally stayed with her was not present, she would have been so worried. “But Bubby,” I could have gotten help to you sooner had I been there..”
She took in her father-in-law in her home for 7 ½ years. She took extraordinary care of her father-in-law. She put on tefillin with him every morning. She davened with him. One time, they had gone away for Yom Tov and had made arrangements for her father-in-law to be well looked after. Nonetheless, she got an emergency call. Her father-in-law was on a hunger strike. She was the only one who could get him to eat.
Rebbitzen Weitman never wanted to trouble or to be matriach others. She would find rides to attend simchas, rather than have someone take her. Whether it was to Lakewood or to upstate New York, she was always pleasant company to whomever she would drive with. Once, my wife and I were giving her a ride to a TAG grade shabbaton upstate. My young daughter had fallen asleep on top of the Rebbitzen – feet and all. We tried to remedy the situation, but were unable to do so because the Rebbitzen herself protested even the thought of waking up a tired child.
The Rebbitzen took enormous pride in seeing the development of the young talmidos and hearing about their extraordinary chessed as well. The chessed that they did in school served as a training ground for their future lives.
Rebbitzen Weitman and her husband raised children imbued with that sense of achrayus, responsibility for Klal Yisroel that they had. They did so by example. Young ladies were taken into the school regardless of their family’s ability to pay.
Rebbitzen Weitman would visit the sick in the community, even when it was physically difficult for her. She would walk significant distances and would manage treacherous stairs in her Mitzvah of bikur cholim. Even after her husband’s passing, she continued coming into the school every day. She attended the high school grade-shabbatons and school retreats upstate.
She passed away on a Wednesday night. Tuesday, the day before her petirah, she was very uncomfortable. She knew, however, that family had come in to visit her from far away and had a simcha. She gave her trademark huge smile (that all the nurses and doctors loved her for). She could barely pull herself together, and yet she was able to give the m a heartfelt “mazel tov.” Her whole tzurah was chessed.
Rebbitzen Weitman and her husband aleihem hashalom physically altered the Torah landscape of the Far Rockaway–Five Towns community. The facts on the ground are the thousands and thousands of frum families that now live in the area. She has left a beautiful legacy. One Rav when he had heard of her passing remarked, “We have lost a queen.” Indeed, we have.
Her aide, Whelma, was with her for four years. At the levaya she came in tears and told the family members, “She taught me so much, she was like my mom. She always asked me if I had slept. I will never have a patient like her.”
She had a remarkable erlichkeit. She paid everyone on time. She was ready with a coat and cane so no one would ever have to wait on her account. She was constantly cheshboning and having everyone in mind.
When someone had a good hanhaga or thoughtful thing to do, she would adopt it completely. Some 25 years ago, she was informed that washing for melaveh Malka was an important inyan.. She adopted it immediately and continued adding good and proper hanhagos. She kept up washing for melaveh Malka until several weeks before she passed away.
The aveilim are Mr. Eliezer Weitman, Mr. Zev Weitman, Rabbi Yosef Weitman, Rabbi Meyer Weitman, Rabbi Yitzchok Weitman, and Mrs. Tzina Oelbaum. May Hashem comfort them among the other mourners of Tzion and Yerushalayim.
The author can be reached at [email protected]