NEW YORK (VIN Podcast) — It may sound radical. But could it be the miracle solution to the shidduch crisis?
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Several weeks ago, a group of Roshei Yeshiva traveled to Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlit’a, to ask if they should restructure the yeshiva system.
According to reports, the proposal includes eliminating a year of yeshiva in America, and adding a year of High School for girls.
This would close what experts call the “age gap”, and hopefully solve or minimize the shidduch crisis.
In this episode, Yaakov explains this proposal, and what the potential pitfalls are.
PLUS: Clips of Rav Yitzchak Reichman from NASI discussing the issue.
Addressing a “shidduch crisis” by having even younger and more immature boys get married will simply create a “divorce crisis” instead.
That is infinitely worse.
I have no proof but can’t help believing that some of this comes down to boys sticking very carefully to dating people they think are either physically attractive or from wealthy families. I am sure there are lovely girls and from wealthy families who haven’t found their zivugim, but let’d be honest, they are easier to set up. For all the holy talk, I hear yeshiva guys describe shidduch prospects in some pretty superficial terms.
Not for the first time, I stand puzzled by a community that proclaims its absolute faith in Hashem but proposes to solve this problem by absolute faith in micro-level social engineering.
Reminder: Marrying two wives is violating a U. S. law. Don’t send your daughter to Israel and put the money in a safe investment. Write on the resume that the young lady has a bank account with $30,000 in lieu of her year of study in a seminary in Israel.
I don’t see what changes. Rav Wactfogel was correct. The boys should be coming back from Eretz Yisroel no later than 21 (22) the latest. This business of starting shiduchim at 24 is ridiculous. Who cares if they call it 1st year Bais Medrash or 12th grade 13th grade or seminary. At the end of the day it’s the same. So let’s stop semantics and just start shiduchim earlier.
The Yeshiva system should teach the boys a parnosa, so they can graduate yeshiva as a man (at age 18, 20, 22 – take your pick), instead of being treated as boys at age 24 who have no idea what the real world means or what to do with it.
This sounds like a good plan if the goal is to increase divorce rates and the older singles become a zivug sheini.
Does this mean NO Yeshiva boys will graduate high school?
Is this the image we want to present to the outside world? We are a people of ignorance that don’t even complete the lowest level of normal education?
What about the Yeshivas where boys generally do go to college? Where will they fit into this system? Or is this a way to force them away from university?
This idea of learning all day is getting being to much .
its 3 months . Big deal
Lets start by not calling them “boys”. Boys need their mommy to tell them when to go to bed, buy them clothes, make them lunch, wash their socks remind them to brush their teeth. Boys are not ready for marriage. When they reach the level of maturity that they dont need their mommy for these things (or a woman named “a wife”) they can start shidduchim. Until then, boys should not be in shidduchim.
This will only further the growing “the parents and grandparents of those entering shidduchim can not support every couple that gets married”. When will a girl who finished 13th grade start preparing to support a husband. How many years after finishing 11th grade, will a young man think about how HE will support his (hopefully) growing family.
Will a revision of the Kesuba stating the parents/grandparents are obligated to support new couple be implemented? Will the change require the wife to support the husband?
I fail to understand how getting boys to start dating earlier or girls later will get them to not look for a rich shidduch (so the tzadik can learn for 5 years in luxury) or look for a gorgeous girl ( oh I forgot, it’s his mother who wants that) therefore right from the get go so many girls are eliminated. And of course similar self indulgent requirements the girls have on the boys. If the boys start earlier in fact it will make it worse, 7 years instead of 5 years minimum to make up the loss for stating a home early.
Why go against Chazal and decide that we know better than to marry our children at 18 in the first place? What kind of chutzpa is this situation? Midda keneged midda, simple as that.
I guess we don’t have rabonim in America who are familiar with the American system of schooling so they have to go to EY where things are totally different.
Taking away a year of high school is insane. As it is we fight with people to try to show that our system works. You’re going to take away a year of high school and you’re still going to be able to try to make that claim? פון ווו נעמנט מען שייכל
The principle of supply and demand can apply to dating and relationships as well. If there are more individuals of one gender available in the dating pool, those individuals might have more options and, as a result, be more selective when choosing a partner. This can lead to certain dynamics where individuals who are in the minority gender-wise might feel the need to stand out or compete more to attract partners.
In a scenario where there are more women than men in the dating pool, men might have more choices and might be able to be more selective. This could lead to certain cultural or societal norms where men feel they can be “pickier” when choosing a partner. Conversely, in a scenario where there are more men than women, women might have more options and could potentially have more influence in choosing their partners.
Sorry but your answer is a non-answer. The boys will still have the option to be choosy and picky with those girls who don’t have the the big money and looks (what ever yeshiva boys define as good looks today) still not getting shiduchim anywhere close to what the girls who are ahead is the race are getting. Talk to an honest shadchan they will tell you the same.
Well said Reuven
No graduation. No job. Substandard English. Arranged marriage… Sounds like paradise…
Oh and the feeezer doesn’t help
Something doesn’t add up a Boucher is about 17 or 18 in 12 grade how is eliminating 12 grade solving anything
If the Age Gap is the true cause of the Shidduch Crisis, then why is this NEVER MENTIONED in: Tanach, Mishnah, Talmud, Midrash, Rishonim, Acharonim, Mussar Books, etc?
its very simple to solve the shidduch crisis. let people have more than one wife like it used to be. everyone will be married very quickly. shidduch crisis doesn’t exist in communities where people can have an option of marrying more than one wife. this is simple. some communities still have men marrying more than one wife. I think this will end the crisis very fast. if you can’t afford it you can have one wife, that’s fine too. this will solve the crisis, everything else is just talk they talk about this crisis for years already, still no results still people not getting married. if people realize that its fine if they don’t find “the one” they can always get another one and have 2 happy families.
With all due respect to all those that are trying to fix the so called shiduch crises. HELLO there is a successful method to fix the shiduch crises and its done but thousands in the chasidishe kehilos. No, Keep going on dates. G out with your date as many times as you see fit. But why can’t the boys start the shidduch process at least by age 20. The waiting until you come back from eretz Yisroelat age 22 23 is the crises not the shiduch part.
This is totally bonkers. Hashem decides, not man.
Shlomo Yehuda Rechnitz tried doing something to help & nothing changed . All the Gedolim have spoken about it , & nothing changes . How about stopping to talk about it , & Daven , And please ,no insulting comments . May suffer because of this Makah . All the critic will do nothing , to help .
Ever read the old stories? Rabbi so and so was in the city and someone suggested he marry the rabbis daughter so he married her. The older days was less complicated
People met, they married and made it work.
Today they meet a hundred times. They dissect every detail. They marry and yet somehow don’t get along anyway.