JERUSALEM (VINnews) — BDE: In a tragic incident which occurred Monday, Menachem Mendel (Mendy) Bolton, a 12-year-old student from Kfar Chabad, passed away at Tel Hashomer Hospital after suffering a cardiac incident at a classmate’s Bar Mitzva last week. Doctors fought for his life for several days before he was declared dead.
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According to the boy’s father Yisrael, the event occurred after his son felt hurt by the behavior of other children at the event. In a painful and moving post, Yisrael described Mendy’s suffering for years from classmate snubbing and bullying and called on parents to take responsibility for their children’s behavior.
Yisrael said that in 4th grade Mendy had suffered from a class ostracism led by one of the boys. “We spoke to the teacher, the principal, parents, without much success. I realized we couldn’t rely on the system. We took Mendy of our own accord to treatments which gave him support and higher self-esteem and slowly things began to fit in. There were still times when a boy or a group would insult him. We would consult the staff even though we didn’t expect much and we hugged and supported him. He did indeed come out stronger and even made friends with the boy who had tormented him in 4th grade.
“A few days before the Bar Mitzva party, he realized that something was troubling his son. “On Monday, he slept with me. I felt that something was wrong so I invited him to snuggle up next to me. He got in bed, we said ‘Good Night’ and then he started crying, painfully and hysterically. When I asked him what had happened, he said that all the children in the class had laughed at his appearance and when he told the teacher, he ignored him. I hugged him, calmed him and reassured him. I tried to reach the staff but there was no response.
“On Tuesday I called him after school and he said that things were OK. On the day of the Bar Mitzvah (Wednesday) he was in good spirits, but during the Bar Mitzvah some incidents occurred which left him agitated and crying. At the beginning he took photos with the Bar Mitzva boy and some friends and was happy, but then apparently he touched the photographers pole and the guy shouted at him. Then a group of boys started dancing and he wanted to join but they didn’t let him, and somebody apparently said something.
Mendy sat down on a bench and cried, and friends tried without success to calm him down. At some point he fell on the grass. A friend came up to him and the singer also came to try and calm him. At some point they left him and then the arrythmia occurred. A minute or two later his teacher came and found him pulseless and not breathing.”
Yisrael thanked those who tried to save his son, who was resuscitated in Tel Hashomer hospital but had another arrythmia attack and was declared dead on Monday. “Arrythmia is a birth defect,” Yisrael said. “It wasn’t caused by an event but Hashem chose exactly when and where it would occur. I’m not accusing the children of being responsible for my son’s death. If they want they should ask forgiveness but more important that they learn from this.
“I don’t expect anything from the staff, they are expert at dismissing things, but I wish to speak to parents. Its your child, don’t get up one morning and say “We didn’t know he was like this.” Sit and talk with him, ask if there’s someone he doesn’t like, and what he does about it. Are there children suffering from taunts? Check yourselves- do you speak about others derisively? Your child sees and does the same. Maybe your child is being insulted and is looking for your support and encouragement. Don’t leave it to others.”
It’s my belief that Yeshiva’s need to have a subject called Ben Adam Lechavero. We all were on the giving or receiving end of hostility in school and “dealing” with kids is not going to make things better. The root cause is the lack of understanding. Children can be taught people skills if the schooling system puts an emphasis on its importance. This also needs to come from the home. Maybe teach the parents too… The story is painful to read. It’s hard to assign blame to children or even educators, but something should be done in this arena.
A child that is suffering from the hands of a mean class should switch schools. Don’t leave it to the hanhalah or parents or kids to fix the problem. Protect your child! I beg you!!
I suspect this was indeed an arrhythmia brought on by emotions felt at the time. It was likely exacerbated by the bullying that he experienced. Shame on the School and Hanhala for not caring, it is on them today.
What a tragedy on so many levels! May the family have a Nechama besoch shar availai tzion v’Yerusalaim.
It’s truly disgusting how the school and the parents turned their backs on this Yiddish child. Unfortunately, chinuch is modernizing the wrong way. One of the unique qualities of the Jews is how to raise children. Today, everyone is too afraid to discipline. The kids just do what ever they want and the parents and schools are relying on luck that somehow the kid will out grow it..
So much emphasis in our community on “Bein Adam L’Makom” and way too little on “Bein Adam L’Chaveiro.” This where our yeshivas need to put their focus. The comments on this site, in general, attest to this.
As a parent whose child was bullied, if your child is bullied for more than 2 years then find them a new school. I got therapy for my child and I switched schools. When a child is bullied, there isn’t something inherently bad with the child, rather a bad chemistry between the child and that group. If you switch schools then the child will have a brand new start. The child may not become popular, but it is unlikely that they’ll be bullied. Unfortunately, most staff in most schools don’t know how to deal with bullying so it’s on the parents to remove their child from a dangerous situation.
Good mussar for all during elul
Horrible beyond belief
Assuming matzav was true (as others here challenged), elivated serum cortisol levels can trigger a cadiac event. Yes, there is death from a broken heart. That being said, unfortunately many young people are SADS’d from other interventions especially recently.
Parents’ attitudes toward others are one of the major influences on how their children see and behave toward others. Children pick up so much from the way their parents are. That includes their levels of empathy and respect for others including both classmates and teachers.
terrible, and in Kfar Chabad, where I would have expected to see better behavior both by the kids and the teaching staff and the administration.
I know my comment will generate many thumbs down, but as a rebbi for over 25 years, I must give the other side of the story First most instances of bullying are not bullying. it is plain and simple taking 25 or so children with different personalities putting them in one room and telling them to be friends with everyone for the next 7 hours. Second no parent wants to hear that their son is being bothered in class However, many parents look at their children as mini-adults. If their child complains,”Someone in class is bothering me” In their mind they imagine their neighbor or seatmate in shul bothering them. Children are not adults. I have seen countless times children get into fights and 5 minutes later they are best friends. Third, this article only gives the father’s side of the story we don’t know if the yeshiva just let this behavior go on for 8 or so years or if they did try to help. I don’t know how it works in Israel but here in NYC many yeshivos today have a social worker on staff. Was this child going to a therapist? was the class given classes in social skills. Fourth, every year I have a socially off student, They do things that upset other children. I’ll give an example I had a student who in every argument had to be right and when he wasn’t he threw a tantrum or the boy if you as much touched his desk would run to me or the Menahel that “everyone” was bothering him.” Yes, his parents stuck up for him but many boys in class couldn’t deal with him The most common problem is that some children don’t know boundaries they get into other children’s space. Such children may touch other boys (not inappropriately) or take things from other boys. Maybe the Chofez Chaim would respond positively every time but most kids won’t. I don’t want to blame the victim and when a tragedy like this happens it’s too late to look back We can only look ahead to see how we can help another struggling child.
BD”E, Heart wrenching story.
Are there 2 unrelated items here, or is it 1?
Article makes it look like 1, but then says they are unrelated.
My child has been bullied and snubbed by certain kids, and it hurts her tremendously, maybe classes are too big these days if a Rebbi cant look out for each Talmid and see the red flags…Also Bein Adam L’Chaveiro needs to be a literal subject matter in schools, like the “Third period is on Bein Adam LChaveiro” on a daily basis, not just a passing mention once in a blue moon. Hashem wasnts Yidden to act in a way that is a Tzelem Elokim. Bullying etc is by nature so not a Yiddish trait, Kids need to be educated young, regularly. The fact is, Bullying and snubbing hurts way worse than one who hasn’t experienced, can imagine.
WHO CAN SAY THE REASON WHY A YOUNG CHILD LEAVES THIS WORLD SO YOUNG? WHILE BULLYING for sure CAUSES STRESS EVEN TO A HEALTHY CHILD, BUT MISSING INFORMATION HERE….
Chabad is very friendly and open minded so hard to believev
A very painful story.
The boy was NOT being snubbed by anyone of his classmates as was originally thought to be the case.
The story did happen at a classmates bar mitzvah. But the snub was an other person at the event.
May the family be consoled.
Why are they blaming this on allegedly what the boys behavior was and what the classmates were doing? Clearly the two are not related.