By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
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The Torah commands us “v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha” – to love your fellow as yourself. As Rabbi Akiva taught, this is a fundamental principle of Judaism. When we examine this mitzvah in the context of supporting someone with depression, we discover its profound depth and transformative power, particularly in light of its inherent challenges.
The Parallel to Zvulun’s Holy Work
Just as the Torah presents an intriguing order in Yaakov’s blessings – placing Zvulun before Yissachar – we find a deep insight into the nature of difficult chesed. As HaGaon Rav Yerucham Olshin Shlita explains, while Yissachar experiences the immediate sweetness (mesikus) of Torah learning, Zvulun must overcome tremendous challenges without tasting that immediate spiritual pleasure. The Nefesh HaChaim notably refers to Zvulun as an “ish daas hame’ametz koach” – one who exerts great intellectual and spiritual strength – while describing Yissachar in simpler terms.
This parallel illuminates the unique virtue of supporting someone with depression. Like Zvulun, who must maintain his commitment to Torah support without experiencing the immediate sweetness of learning, one who helps a person with depression often works without the usual gratification of chesed. The helper must draw upon deep reserves of daas (understanding) and conviction to persist, even when the person they’re supporting may withdraw, seem unappreciative, or be unable to reciprocate. Just as Zvulun’s challenge requires more daas than Yissachar’s learning, supporting someone with depression demands an extraordinary level of intellectual and emotional fortitude.
The Ultimate Test of “Love Your Fellow”
Supporting someone with depression represents one of the purest expressions of v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha. When we help someone who is depressed, we often receive little immediate gratification or acknowledgment. The person may withdraw, cancel plans, or seem unappreciative due to their condition. Yet this is precisely what makes it such a powerful fulfillment of the mitzvah.
As the Ramban explains, the essence of this commandment is wanting for others what we would want for ourselves. When supporting someone with depression, we must dig deep to understand: If we were suffering, wouldn’t we want others to persist in showing us kindness, even when we couldn’t properly receive or acknowledge it?
The Hidden Rewards
The Pele Yoetz teaches that one who genuinely loves others merits to learn Torah properly and have their prayers accepted. Supporting someone with depression, precisely because it can feel thankless, creates an especially pure form of chesed (loving-kindness). When we help without expectation of recognition or reward, we align ourselves most closely with God’s own attribute of chesed.
This connects to Hillel’s teaching in Pirkei Avot about being among the disciples of Aaron – “loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people and bringing them closer to Torah.” Supporting someone with depression requires exactly this kind of persistent love and pursuit of another’s wellbeing, even when they may push us away.
Practical Applications of the Mitzvah
Just as the mitzvah of v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha manifests in practical actions, supporting someone with depression involves specific steps:
- Creating Safe Space for Conversation
When we talk openly about depression with someone suffering from it, we fulfill the mitzvah by showing them they are not alone. This echoes the Noam Elimelech’s teaching that truly loving another person allows us to see their hidden positive qualities – even ones they may not see in themselves.
- Encouraging Professional Help
Just as the Torah commands us to protect life (“v’chai bahem”), helping someone access mental health support becomes a direct fulfillment of v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha. This may mean helping them find a therapist or accompanying them to appointments.
- Challenging Negative Thoughts
The depression often speaks with a cruel inner voice. By helping someone recognize and challenge these thoughts, we fulfill the aspect of the mitzvah that the Chofetz Chaim emphasized – it applies every moment of every day, as these thoughts can arise at any time.
- Addressing Suicidal Thoughts
The Torah teaches “lo ta’amod al dam re’echa” – do not stand idly by your neighbor’s blood. Having difficult conversations about suicide risk and ensuring someone gets help becomes a profound fulfillment of both this command and v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha.
- Providing Practical Support
The Rambam teaches that the highest form of tzedakah is helping someone become self-sufficient. When we help someone with depression manage daily tasks or slowly return to regular activities, we fulfill this principle.
A Spiritual Practice of Persistence
The Arizal taught that we should accept upon ourselves this mitzvah before praying each morning. When supporting someone with depression, this daily renewal becomes essential. We must regularly recommit to showing up with compassion, even when it’s difficult.
Just as depression can persist over time, our commitment to supporting someone through it must also persist. This ongoing dedication, especially when it feels thankless, creates a powerful spiritual merit. As Rabbi Dessler explains in Michtav Me’Eliyahu, true giving leads to genuine happiness. By giving consistently to someone who may not be able to reciprocate, we transcend our ego’s need for recognition and connect to something greater.
The Battle Against Withdrawal
Just as Zvulun must battle against a culture focused solely on material success, those supporting people with depression must battle against the natural tendency to withdraw when their chesed seems unappreciated. The Satan’s strategy against Zvulun, as explained by Rav Olshin, was to make Torah scholars seem unworthy of support. Similarly, depression can make the sufferer seem unreceptive to help, testing the supporter’s conviction and understanding of the profound importance of their role.
Conclusion
Supporting someone with depression, while challenging, represents one of the highest forms of v’ahavta l’re’acha kamocha. The very aspects that make it difficult – the lack of immediate reward, the need for persistent compassion, the requirement to give without expectation of return – are what make it spiritually transformative. Like Zvulun, whose greater challenge earned him first mention in Yaakov’s blessing, those who support people with depression engage in an especially elevated form of chesed. Through this service, we not only help another person heal but also elevate ourselves, creating a deeper connection to both our fellow humans and to Hashem.
The author can be reached at [email protected]
Why is the frum community eager to diagnose someone with a mental illness to use it as leverage against them in case the individual who they are fighting testifies against them. Is that what mental health treatment is for in the frum community? Using someone’s illness to deligitimize them ? As if someone who turns off electricity and hot water during winter on people is not mentally ill?
Good morning, andecked America?