HILLEL FULD: The Lump in My Throat

35

(JNS) — You know I am an optimistic guy, or at least I am in the public sphere. I definitely have my moments, but I try not to bring others down with me. Usually, I snap out of it quickly. It is 5:38 a.m. as I write these words after I was woken up by the pit in my stomach. I can’t shake the feeling.

Join our WhatsApp group

Subscribe to our Daily Roundup Email


Now, I know I’ve shared multiple posts expressing the nuance in this deal and specifically the joy we will all feel seeing live hostages hug their loved ones again. That is true. I await that moment. We all do. We’ve waited for that moment for a year and a half.

Usually, with most events, that positive thought will outweigh the negative. I’d write a post focusing on the positive, hope for the best, and move on. This time is different. I know from past experiences that I should never watch those videos of our enemies celebrating what they call a victory. I know how deeply it disturbs me to see those things. I also know that their celebrations are baseless and that they won nothing.

This time is different.

I do badly want to believe that with this deal, there is more than meets the eye. I so badly want to believe that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was given a massive incentive to agree to this. Perhaps, there was a guarantee of an Abraham Accords 2.0. Maybe a guarantee that the United States will join Israel when it attacks Iran’s nuclear facilities. Or, maybe, it was a large financial or military incentive. Maybe, if one of those things is part of this deal, then I’d understand why Netanyahu agreed to this deal.

The thing is, I am told by someone in the know that there is no such incentive. I am told that Netanyahu agreed to this months ago, and now that Hamas agreed to it, the pressure was on him to accept “His plan” that he offered all those months ago. I am told that my brother Ari’s murderer could be part of this deal. (I am not saying we know he will be, but it is a possibility.) I find it hard to believe that there is nothing else going on behind the scenes, and I told that to my “source.”

He told me, again, that there aren’t any incentives.

I refuse to believe it. But chances are I am wrong, and I’m being optimistic where there is no room for optimism.

I try to grasp onto the good things, here. We’re getting our people back. “Only 200” out of the thousand we’re releasing are actual murderers. Yes, I fully understand the absurdity of celebrating 200 murderers going free, but I’m grasping here. We will have a few months of relative quiet. Of not losing soldiers. Our soldiers get a breather. My son, Tzvi, is in less danger. (Call me selfish all you want. You can’t understand how it feels until your son enters the hell on earth that is Gaza.)

These things are true, and they are good.

But I simply can’t get rid of this lump in my throat. I can’t get rid of this feeling that this is a disengagement 2.0. That our threats of “If they break the ceasefire …” are bogus. That’s what we said after we left the Gaza Strip in 2005, “If one rocket is fired … .” I can’t shake this feeling that, in the very near future, we will regret this deal when it comes back to haunt us.

Now, many have reassured me that all of this will change when President-elect Donald Trump takes office next week. Maybe they’re right. But how? Will Trump reverse the deal? Obviously not. He’s bragging about it. In fact, there are rumors that he was the one to pressure Netanyahu to take the deal. So, what exactly can Trump do for us when he enters office?

I can’t, for some reason, find optimism here that will overpower the pit in my stomach. Why not? Because this time is different. This deal is killing me. Tragically, I am asking myself, for the first time ever, if those lunatics dancing in the streets of Gaza have a right to dance. Did they win? Now, hold up. There is no universe in which Hamas won this war. No matter how you spin it, they did not win. But did we? Is the war over? Did we fail to achieve both our objectives of obliterating Hamas and bringing our hostages back?

Maybe the war isn’t over, and Netanyahu knows exactly what he’s doing. Maybe. It wouldn’t be the first time. Maybe this is the thought I need to hold onto. Maybe that’ll calm me down. This war isn’t over. We will still win. Maybe Trump promised Netanyahu that as soon as he enters office, he’ll send over a massive amount of weapons that President Joe Biden refused to send and that Netanyahu will be able to instruct the Israel Defense Forces to end Hamas once and for all.

Maybe … but this darn deal. It’s so terrible. Releasing all those monsters? Pulling out of Gaza? Sending in insane amounts of aid to be stolen by Hamas? Not even getting all the hostages back? What the heck, Bibi?! I have muted my social media accounts, and I am going to try hard to ignore all the negativity. I won’t watch their celebrations. I won’t read all the pundits explaining why Israel just shot itself in the foot. I don’t want to know. Call it sticking my head in the sand. I call it maintaining my mental health.

So, here is my take. I can’t wait to see our people back home. The deal—if, indeed, it is simply what you see is what you get—is a disaster of historic proportions. Yet, it can’t be that simple. There must be more to it. And, honestly, the thing that brings me back from the sadness, fear and anxiety that this deal is causing me is one very big thing I am guilty of forgetting. There IS absolutely one thing that guarantees that this ends well: Hashem.

Hashem, G-d, has our back. We’ve been through darker times. We’ve been through much harder things. And we made it out alive and stronger. I don’t know how He is going to do it, I don’t know what role Trump will play, but I do know that it’ll be OK. Somehow.

So that’s it. I found the thing I need to grasp to feel optimistic again. Hashem. There. Solved. Thanks for listening. It was very therapeutic for me. Hashem has got our backs. We got this. Now we wait to cry tears of joy together as our loved ones cross the border into the Land of Israel. It is time for me to put away my political science degree, stop watching those infuriating videos, and bring out my prayer book. It is time to turn to God and say, “Hashem, we did what we can. Now it’s your turn. Do your thing. Work your magic. Because magic is what we need now for this to end well.”

Follow VINnews for Breaking News Updates


Connect with VINnews

Join our WhatsApp group

35 Comments
Most Voted
Newest Oldest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
CarefulwtuaskR
CarefulwtuaskR
30 days ago

I think the bottom line here is not to place our faith in anything other than Hashem. To the extent we do this it will always backfire.

Been here and there
Been here and there
30 days ago

This man expresses so eloquently what, I can only imagine, so many normal sane people are today thinking. His conclusions are spot-on. It’s now, only HASHEM. Just like we are now in the parshas approaching the great nissim Hashem showed the enemies of klal Yisroel, the Mitzrim, so many years ago, so will He do again. We are basically helpless, except for this = Yes, Hashem has our backs.

Yumi Santiago
Yumi Santiago
30 days ago

The Malbim says that leaders have zero free will. End. Of. Story.

DSC
DSC
30 days ago

Trump cannot do for the Israelis that which they will not do for themselves. Families sacrifice thousands of young men to retrieve a handful of live hostages + 100 cadavers. Then they gift thousands of murderers back to a terror organization to repeat the procedure. Rinse, repeat every few years. But hey its tikkun olam, the most moral Jewish state. Personally I’m tired of it & i don’t see how such a state can survive in the longer term.

Yid
Yid
30 days ago

אַל־תִּבְטְחוּ בִנְדִיבִים בְּבֶן־אָדָם׀ שֶׁאֵין לוֹ תְשׁוּעָה Put not your trust in the great,
in mortal man who cannot save.

We only have the Eibishter to rely on. Not Trump, not Kushner, not even Netanyahu or Ben-Gevir. Terrorists and politicians are all the same. They are pawns in the hand of Hashem, and are powerless to do anything except that which he allows.

Bob's Your Uncle
Bob's Your Uncle
30 days ago

Munich 2.0
I hope Mossad will enact Munich 2.0 and fill the released terrorists with fear and dread that every minute will be their last.

Bob
Bob
30 days ago

Time will tell. If you are looking to be an optimist you can hope trump will transfer most of Gaza to Indonesia. He definitely has a peace plan ready to go that doesn’t involve giving up territory. The sad truth with Gaza is that when you have so many indoctrinated people there’s not much you can do.

DSC
DSC
30 days ago

The “incentive” offered to netanyahu is the lifting of the Biden arms embargo

Chaim
Chaim
30 days ago

Israel made the classic mistake of offering better and better prisoner exchanges. When you are dealing with a negotiating partner that will push this to the limit and has very little concern about deadlines or even their own people, this is dangerous. I understand that we need to redeem the hostages, but these deals will only get more lopsided going forward.

Gersey
Gersey
30 days ago

While I have read your previous comments, and not agreed with some of the political slant, I must wholeheartedly agree.
Let us hope the arm twisting that occurred, prior to 1/20 was not all in vain at the cost of many more Jewish lives.
After all the new rosh kehilla of Hamas stated” there will be many more 10/7’s and will be bigger and better.
There was a report the Trump is telling S> Witkoff to remain in Mid-East to plan and oversee the rebuilding of Gaza. A RE developer to plan that, the skim will make Hunter Bidens shenanigans look very amateurish . What percent of the cement trucks will go to a hem fixing those tunnels?
And all this from a guy that sold the Dimona papers for only $2B, through his shliach Herr Kushner.

Yiden WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What was the Republican party is now Trump party
What was the Republican party is now Trump party
30 days ago

So, what exactly can Trump do for us when he enters office? What his Ego dictates. I believed that Jimmy Carter was the worst President in modern History but now we know all his deeds were Guided by Religious Beliefs sometimes those Beliefs were very bad for the Country but sometimes those believes Greatly befitted Chradi Yidden, Trump will do for us What feeds his Ego, that Benfits us is much less than we got from Religious beliefs. So Trump is a Worse President Than Jimmy Carter