By Rabbi Yair Hoffman
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As we watch with heavy hearts as our brothers and sisters in Eretz Yisrael face the terror of constant rocket attacks, spending hours in bomb shelters and safe rooms, I would like to share some wisdom that was offered by an old chavrusa, Rabbi Dr. Abba Goldman zt”l, during the COVID pandemic delivered to the senior kollel in St. Louis about coping with isolation. It is shortly after his first Yahrtzeit and it should be a zchus for his neshama.
Though the circumstances differ—then it was a virus, now it is the evil of our enemies bent on Klal Yisroel’s destruction in Eretz Yisroel—the feelings of isolation, fear, and confinement can be remarkably similar. His words, rooted in both Torah wisdom and psychological insight, offer guidance that is perhaps even more relevant today as our people face existential threats while confined to small spaces, separated from normal life, waiting for the all-clear sirens.
Understanding the Nature of Our Current Isolation
The situation facing our brothers and sisters in Israel today mirrors, in some ways, what Rabbi Dr. Goldman described during COVID, but with the added terror of mortal danger. Families and neighbors are huddled together in bomb shelters and safe rooms, cut off from their normal routines, unable to go to work, school, or shul. Children who should be playing are instead learning to distinguish between different types of sirens. Parents are trying to maintain normalcy while their hearts pound with each alert.
Like the COVID isolation Dr. Goldman addressed, this forced confinement creates a unique form of loneliness—not just physical separation, but the deep anxiety that comes from being powerless against forces beyond our control. The elderly, who may remember previous wars, face particular challenges as they worry not just for themselves but for children and grandchildren. Young families struggle with how to explain to small children why they cannot go outside, why they must run to the shelter, why the world has suddenly become so frightening.
The Difference Between Physical Confinement and Spiritual Isolation
As Dr. Goldman taught us, there is a profound difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Right now, families in Israel are physically together in cramped shelters, yet they may feel more isolated than ever—cut off from community, from normalcy, from the sense that tomorrow will be better than today.
But this forced togetherness also presents opportunities that we must not overlook. When families are pressed together in small spaces with nowhere to go and nothing to do but wait, they have precious time to truly be with each other in ways that the normal rush of life rarely allows.
Practical Guidance for Life in Shelters
Strengthening Family Bonds Under Pressure
For married couples sharing a shelter, this crisis can either strain relationships to the near breaking point r”l or create deeper intimacy than ever before. Dr. Goldman spoke eloquently about how couples in isolation rediscover “the preciousness of the fact that they’re there for each other, the preciousness of life.” In a bomb shelter, when every moment could be your last together, the petty annoyances of daily life fade away, replaced by profound gratitude for each other’s presence.
Parents should use this time to really listen to their children’s fears, to hold them close, to share stories of family history and Jewish resilience. Children need to feel that their parents are strong enough to protect them, even when parents themselves feel helpless. The act of maintaining calm, of davening together, of singing zemiros even in a shelter, teaches children that Jewish life continues even in the darkest times.
The Power of Connection Despite Confinement
Even from bomb shelters, the miracle of modern communication allows us to reach out to others. Rabbi Dr. Goldman emphasized that one of the greatest chesed we can perform is to truly listen to others. For those in shelters, this means checking on elderly neighbors by phone, comforting friends who are alone, sharing resources and information with community members.
But perhaps more importantly, those of us outside Israel must become the listeners Dr. Goldman described. We must call our friends and family in Israel not to burden them with our fears, but to truly hear theirs. As Dr. Goldman taught, quoting Reb Aryeh Levine, we must practice “Ich her”—listening not just to words but with our hearts, understanding and being genuinely present for them.
Spiritual Growth in the Shelter
Finding Hashem in the Darkness
Dr. Goldman spoke about using isolation as an opportunity to grow closer to Hashem, to “be alone with their God and alone with themselves.” In a bomb shelter, stripped of all distractions and luxuries, facing the reality of human mortality, this opportunity becomes even more profound.
This is a time for intense prayer, for heartfelt tehillim, for真正的 introspection about what matters most in life. When sirens wail and families huddle together, the artificial divisions and petty disputes that often characterize community life disappear. We are reminded that we are all children of Avraham, Yitzchak, and Yaakov, all precious in Hashem’s eyes.
Many have found that davening in a bomb shelter, with the immediate presence of danger, creates a different kind of connection to the Divine than davening in the comfort of a beautiful shul. Every bracha becomes more meaningful when you’re not sure you’ll be alive to say the next one.
Learning from Our Enemies’ Cruelty
The current situation also forces us to confront the reality that Dr. Goldman touched upon—that despite all of human knowledge and technology, we are not in control. Just as a tiny virus humbled all of medical science, the rockets of our enemies remind us that “life is ultimately in someone else’s hands.” This recognition should lead not to despair but to deeper emunah, to understanding that every moment of life is indeed “miracle upon miracle.”
Special Considerations for Different Populations
Children and Trauma
Parents in shelters face the enormous challenge of protecting their children’s psychological well-being while unable to guarantee their physical safety. Dr. Goldman’s emphasis on listening becomes crucial here—children need to be heard, their fears acknowledged, their questions answered honestly but age-appropriately.
Maintaining routines becomes vital. Even in a shelter, families can keep regular davening times, meal times, and learning schedules. Children need to feel that Jewish life continues, that Torah learning doesn’t stop because of our enemies’ threats.
The Elderly and Vulnerable
Older residents may be reminded of previous wars, of times when survival was uncertain. They may need extra emotional support and reassurance. But they also carry within them the wisdom of Jewish survival through countless persecutions. Their stories of faith and resilience can strengthen entire families.
Young Adults and Soldiers
Single young people, separated from their usual social networks, face particular challenges. Many are serving in the military, putting their lives on the line for all of us. They need to know that their sacrifice is recognized, that they are heroes in the truest sense, and that the entire Jewish people stands behind them.
Messages from the Diaspora
Our Responsibility to Listen and Support
Those of us in America and other countries outside Israel bear a special responsibility during this time. We must become the listeners that Dr. Goldman described, reaching out regularly to friends and family in Israel, not to share our own anxiety but to truly hear theirs.
We must also resist the temptation to minimize their experience or offer quick solutions. Sometimes the greatest chesed is simply to say, “I hear how frightened you are. I’m davening for you. Tell me what you need.”
Learning from Their Mesirus Nefesh
Our brothers and sisters in Israel are teaching all of us profound lessons about Jewish courage, about emunah under fire, about the willingness to sacrifice everything for Jewish survival. We must learn from their example and ask ourselves: How can we live with such dedication to Jewish values when we face no physical danger?
The Broader Perspective: Finding Purpose in Crisis
Recognizing Divine Providence
Dr. Goldman taught that every situation, no matter how difficult, offers opportunities for spiritual growth. The current crisis in Israel is no exception. Perhaps Hashem is reminding us that Jewish life is precious, that Ereyz Yisroel is so precious, that we cannot take our survival for granted.
Dr. Goldman spoke about the importance of patience, of accepting each day for what it offers rather than demanding immediate resolution. In the current crisis, this wisdom is essential. We cannot know when this war will end, but we can make each day in the shelter meaningful through prayer, learning, acts of kindness, and strengthening of family bonds.
A Message of Chizuk
To our brothers and sisters huddled in bomb shelters: You are not alone. Every Jew around the world shares your fear, your hope, your determination. Your courage in the face of evil inspires us. Your commitment to Jewish survival, even when rockets fall around you, sanctifies Hashem’s name in the world.
May the Ribbono Shel Olam grant you strength to endure, wisdom to your leaders, success to your defenders, and may you soon emerge from your shelters into a world where Jewish kinderlach can play freely in the streets of every city in Eretz Yisrael. And may we all merit to see the complete geulah speedily in our days.
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