JERUSALEM (VINnews) — A leading figure in Israel’s ultra-Orthodox matchmaking world says thousands of men and women over age 28 remain unmarried, calling the situation a “hidden epidemic” with broad social consequences.
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On the program “Dvar HaShavua” with Moshe Manes, Rabbi Yitzhak Perahim, head of the national matchmaking organization Lev Echad, said an estimated 16,000 singles — roughly 8,000 men and 8,000 women — in Israel’s Haredi community are currently without prospects.
“This is not only a personal tragedy,” he said. “It’s like losing an entire city.”
Perahim described what he called a growing “vacuum,” with some singles reporting they have not received a single call from a matchmaker for two or three years. Families, he said, often blame themselves or others, unaware that the problem is systemic.
He attributed part of the crisis to a shortage of professional matchmakers, saying the work requires extensive time and effort with relatively modest pay. Without strong motivation or financial sustainability, many leave the field, he said.
Perahim also pointed to what he described as market dynamics within the community. Once men reach their mid-20s, he said, matchmakers may focus instead on younger candidates, leaving older singles with fewer opportunities. At the same time, he said, older singles can become more selective over time, complicating efforts to find matches.
His organization has introduced counseling programs aimed at helping singles reassess expectations and navigate what he described as emotional and psychological barriers to marriage.
Perahim also urged families to value and support matchmakers, including through financial compensation, arguing that the role is comparable in importance to other professional services.
He called on community members to become more proactive in suggesting potential matches and supporting older singles.
“Everyone can take part,” he said. “One suggestion can bring light into an entire home.”
The entire concept of outsourcing matchmaking to the so called “professionals” is a grave error. All throughout history, it was friends and neighbors who would propose matches. It’s time we went back to actively taking charge of helping a fellow Ben and Bas Yisroel. Enough outsourcing nonsense.
You know how people met back in the 60s, 70s, and 80s? They went to singles events. Ski weekends and singles weekends all summer long in the mountains. Couples met on their own, the mature way. They didnt need chaperones. What do you expect when an adult cant even call a girl to set up a date? The date must be set up by the shadchan. This is all on parents and rabbanim. You dont allow these kids to grow up and mature.
If thousands of capable, sincere adults are going years without a single shidduch call, the problem is no longer personal—it’s structural. When the matchmaking system becomes overstretched, age-segmented, and risk-averse, older singles effectively disappear. At that point, insisting that only intermediaries may initiate contact stops being a value safeguard and becomes a bottleneck. Allowing direct, supervised dating for singles past a certain age wouldn’t undermine tradition; it would rescue its purpose. Every functioning society adjusts when a system fails to deliver outcomes, and marriage—too important to leave to inertia—should be no exception.
There are approximately 8000 men and 8000 women in his system and they can’t find a match. What is wrong with either this matchmaker or the singles in this system that they are unable to be matched with each other? Are they all unsuitable for each other within the system? Why would that be? Is there not enough selection within a cross section of 16,000 individuals?
Why can’t the 8000 boys marry the 8000 girls? Problem solved!
Matchmakers should stop ghosting those who are not uber wealthy.
Matchmakers also need to be upfront about their fees and expectations.
“Older singles” should rely less on the system and attempt to distinguish themselves and find mates on their own.
Society as a whole should place less Stigma on those singles and potential couples who meet on their own and rely less on shadchanim.
רְאֵה חַיִּים עִם אִשָּׁה אֲשֶׁר אָהַבְתָּ כׇּל יְמֵי חַיֵּי הֶבְלֶךָ אֲשֶׁר נָתַן לְךָ תַּחַת הַשֶּׁמֶשׁ כֹּל יְמֵי הֶבְלֶךָ כִּי הוּא חֶלְקְךָ בַּחַיִּים וּבַעֲמָלְךָ אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה עָמֵל תַּחַת הַשָּׁמֶשׁ.
וּרְאֵה בָנִים לְבָנֶיךָ שָׁלוֹם עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל.
Moed Katan 18b, the Talmud asks: If everything is predestined, why are we allowed to rush to betroth someone on a holiday? The answer given is that prayer can actually “beat” the decree. Someone else might pray so fervently that they “precede” the destined partner. This leads to a fascinating discussion about the power of human will versus divine destiny.
We can see from here the problem lies in the fact more prayers are needed !
Is there a frum Jewish dating website, besides jdate?
Bottom line, Sabra is likely right. I have been on weekends prior to meeting my beshert. It allowed me to develop a bit of confidence and responsibility. If anything nefarious went on, I was not aware.
Anybody of the right age remembers Elliot, the Tzadik that organized many occasions. Elliot has the zchuus of being responsible for many shiduchim.