The Ultimate Purim Costume and Halacha

The picture above is quite possibly the funniest choice of Purim costumes ever worn. It depicts a picture of a girl on her shidduch resume, and in real life. (They are a married couple. If anyone knows who they are, please email the author.) The costume brilliantly plays on a well-known phenomenon in the frum world — the carefully curated shidduch resume photo versus what one actually looks like in everyday life. It’s a hilarious and good-natured commentary that had many people laughing this Purim.

But is such a costume — where a man dresses as a woman — actually permitted?

This question brings us to an important and often overlooked area of halacha regarding Purim costumes. Let us first explore the topic carefully.

THE MINHAG OF WEARING COSTUMES ON PURIM

The Rama (Orach Chaim 696:8) codifies the custom of wearing costumes on Purim. But where does this minhag originate, and what are its parameters?

The custom is first mentioned in the Sefer Even Bochen (chapter 39), written by Klonumis ben Klonumis in the 1200’s. It is later discussed in the responsa of Rav Yehudah Mintz (Mahriy Mintz, Siman 16), who lived in the late 1400’s and was niftar in Venice in 1508. It is also found in the Minhagei Worms (261), the Elya Rabba (696:15), and the Maharam Chagiz (543).

THE REASONS BEHIND THE MINHAG

Several reasons have been offered for this practice.

The Bnei Yissaschar (Adar 9:1), cited in the Taamei HaMinhagim (892), explains that just as Hashem hid Himself from us during the decrees of Purim, we similarly hide ourselves behind clothing and masks that conceal our faces. The Bnei Yissaschar cites a Maharam Chagiz who quotes the Gemara in Megillah (12a), which states that the Jewish people only acted “lifnim” — in a hidden manner — and so Hashem responded in kind, acting “lifnim” as well. The theme of hiddenness is thus central to the Purim narrative.

An alternative reason is offered by the Minhagei Kol Aryeh: it is done in order not to shame the paupers who receive matanos la’evyonim. When everyone is in costume, the poor person collecting tzedakah is not identifiable or embarrassed.

A third reason, found in the Ketzos HaShulchan, connects the custom to the downfall of Amalek. The Amalekites disguised themselves as Canaanites during the time of Moshe Rabbeinu, changing both their language and their clothing — as referenced in the piut for Parshas Zachor: “Ksus v’lashon shineh” — “Clothing and language he did change!” The Tosafos in Rosh Hashana (3a) elaborate on this episode from Parshas Chukas (Bamidbar 21:1), noting that the Amalekites changed not only their dialect but their dress as well. Since Haman descends from Amalek, dressing up on Purim commemorates this episode.

The Apter Rebbe, Rav Avraham Yehoshua Heschel, the Ohev Yisroel, offers yet another explanation (Shemos, section on Parshas Zachor). He writes that the reason we dress up in masquerade on Purim is to demonstrate that the miracle of Purim emerged from something that would have initially caused us tremendous grief. The costume, then, underscores that the greatest simcha lies in the awareness that the opposite result could very well have occurred.

Rav Yitzchok Weiss, author of the Siach Yitzchok and a student of the Sheivet Sofer, explains (Siman 380) that the custom highlights the fact that Haman hid his hatred for the Jewish people when approaching Achashveirosh for permission to destroy Klal Yisroel. Hashem responded midah k’neged midah — measure for measure — by sending Eliyahu disguised as Charvonah, who also concealed his true intent: to defend the Jewish people.

DID THE MINHAG ORIGINATE FROM THE ROMAN CARNIVAL?

Moritz Steinschneider (1816–1907), the renowned bibliographer, attributed the development of the Purim costume minhag to the direct influence of the Roman Carnival — a festive season held before Lent that involved masquerade, public celebration, and street revelry.

However, this theory is untenable. The perception of the Roman Carnival in Torah circles was entirely beyond the pale of acceptable activity, even to mimic. It is about as likely as eggnog consumption and Christmas caroling influencing the behavior of yeshiva boys on Purim. Silence in the seforim and responsa literature does not necessarily indicate the absence of a minhag in normative Jewish practice; a custom could exist and simply not be recorded until later.

It is far more likely that the minhag originated in France and Germany, connected to the piut for Parshas Zachor that describes how Amalek changed their clothing. Jews familiar with this piut — recited so close to Purim — began dressing up in the spirit of “marbeh b’simcha.” The practice took hold among the Talmidei Chachomim of Germany and eventually spread to Italy, where Steinschneider mistakenly attributed it to Carnival influence.

THE HALACHA OF CROSS-DRESSING ON PURIM

Now we return to our original question — the hilarious shidduch resume costume. A man dressed as a woman. Is this permitted?

The Rama (696:8), based on the Mahriy Mintz (Siman 16), records the custom to permit males to wear female clothing and vice versa on Purim and at chasunas (Yireim 96, cited in Taz Yoreh Deah 182:4; Shach 182:7). The reasoning is that since the intent is for mere simcha — joy — and not for promiscuity, the cross-dressing prohibition of “lo yilbash” does not apply.

However, many Poskim challenge this leniency. The Bach (cited in the Taz, Yoreh Deah 182:4) disagrees, and the Taz himself concludes, “One who is stringent is blessed.” Additional Poskim who take a stricter position include the Shach (182:7), the Yireim (96), the Teshuvos HaRambam, the Shalah, the Knesses HaGedolah, the Mishna Berura (696:30), the Kisei Eliyahu (696:3), the Birchei Yosef (696:13 and Yoreh Deah 182:3), the Beis Oved (696:10), the Kaf HaChaim (696:57), and the Aruch HaShulchan (696:12).

The reason for the stringent view is that the allowance to wear clothing of the opposite gender for playful purposes only applies when one does not fully appear as the opposite gender — meaning one still retains some clothing of one’s own gender (see Shach ibid and Atzei Levonah 182).

Practically, the consensus of the later Poskim is that one should not dress in the clothing of the opposite gender on Purim. Some authorities write that this should be avoided even for children (Piskei Teshuvos 696:14; Nitei Gavriel 75:7).

There is, however, a middle-ground leniency: if it is clearly recognizable that the person is a man or woman, and he or she merely wears a single garment of the opposite gender, there is room to be lenient (Mishna Berura 696:30 in the name of the Pri Megadim; implication of Shach 182:7 as explained in Atzei Levonah).

THE DEEPER MESSAGE OF PURIM

The Nesivos Shalom makes a remarkable observation regarding drinking on Purim. He notes that the word “wine” is absent from the formulation of the Shulchan Aruch: “Chayav adam livsumai b’Puraya ad d’lo yada.” The implication is profound — we must become inebriated not with wine, but with the concept of Purim itself.

The concept of Purim is that Hashem is extraordinarily close, and we can achieve remarkable dveikus Bashem at this time. No matter how distant we may feel — even if we are at the level of “arur Haman” in terms of our general distance from Hashem — we can become, at this particular time of Purim, as close as “baruch Mordechai.”

When we dress up on Purim, let us appreciate the significance and the taamim brought down by the Apter Rav, the Bnei Yissaschar, and the Siach Yitzchok. Let us discover the capacity that lies within each of us to achieve true closeness to Hashem. If we can do this, we can merit both a personal geulah as well as one for all of Klal Yisroel. Amein.

The author can be reached at [email protected]