(Yaakov M / VINnews) — Confession: As a parent, when I get distracted by my phone, I don’t give my children the attention they deserve.
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And I suspect that I’m not the only one suffering from this affliction.
I’m technically not “addicted” to my device, which is old, “kosher”, relatively junky, and does not have a browser or Spotify.
Yet when I get a text or What’sApp or email (or the occasional call, which phones can still do believe it or not), I have trouble resisting the temptation.
Research shows there’s a dopamine rush when your phone rings or buzzes. Not unlike cocaine.
It’s tough for children to compete against a min-cocaine rush. Even if I resist the urge, my kids sense my lack of focus (as kids always do). They feel I’m not “present”, like they’re second-fiddle to some lame gadget.
Not a very good feeling.
We’ve all been in a one-sided conversation with someone who keeps checking their phone, pretending to be listening to you, but it is obvious they have no idea what you are saying. You could tell them that a pink elephant is on their forehead singing opera, and they will nod away in agreement.
It’s extremely frustrating…even cringeworthy.
I never want to be that person, although I’m sure I’ve been guilty at times.
Even more scary, a shocking new study shows a link between mental illness in children and their parents’ use of social media.
When parents are distracted by devices, kids feel ignored. The message from parents: I enjoy communicating with strangers and checking emails more than I enjoy hanging out with you.
How can they not get depressed?
“We found that depression was higher in teens when their parents reported higher levels of personal social media use,” the authors of the study said. “Specifically, about 10% of teens are depressed when their parent uses social media at a low level, compared to nearly 40% of teens being depressed at the highest levels of parent social media use — meaning that adolescents are nearly four times as likely to be depressed if their parents are high level social media users.”
“This may indirectly impact adolescent mental health and behavioral outcomes, especially if children feel like their parents invalidate their experiences by being less than present in the moment,” the study read.
A recent Gallup poll shows that 58% of U.S. adults believe they’re using their smartphones “too much.” That number is staggering, not to mention all the others who feel that way but won’t admit it.
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So what is the solution?
I don’t claim to know the answer, it’s above my pay grade. However, one thing I’m certain about. Just like an alcoholic walking into a bar is a dumb thing to do, keeping your phone nearby is a recipe for disaster.
If you feel the pull to check your phone, it’s really hard to resist when you hear that buzz. But if your phone is in the car, the other room, or–perish the thought–turned off (yes there’s an OFF button!), you stand a much better chance of defeating this powerful yetzer hara.
It’s human nature.
It’s much easier to not BUY the ice cream, then to fight with yourself once it’s in your freezer. Same with owning a credit card.
Look at it this way. When you shut your phone , that’s a momentary decision, it takes one second of superhuman strength. Whereas when your phone is nearby, you are CONSTANTLY struggling not to look.
Devices and technology create lots of struggles. With that said, our kids may be suffering, and may not always share the pain (kids are known to do this). They may not even realize it consciously.
This simple piece of advice–leaving the device in the car or shutting it off–can be a small move that yields very powerful results, including healthier children, and a better relationship with them.
Yaakov M is a senior columnist for VIN News and former Op-Ed columnist for Newsmax. He has hosted a conservative podcast for 15 years. He studied in Kollel for 14 years, was a Bais Medrash Rebbi for over a decade, and obtained semicha from a top Rosh Yeshiva.
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Just as people took on not speaking Loshon Horo for certain hours, We can all shut the phone for certain hours. I promise, we wont regret it.
As always you bring refreshing discussion to the table. I have a flip phone and have such a difficult time as I am constantly checking it for alerts even though I rarely get anything…
I think it’s the kids who are more into the technology than the parents.
Another negative is that people have almost stopped talking to each other live. It’s texting , messaging , leaving voice messages which is in turn answered by the other party’s voice message , and responded to by another voice message. The kids almost never see their parents hold live conversations . You can be home all day , correspond on the phone without ever opening your mouth.
“KOSHER”, old,junky… with whatsapp????????