NEW YORK (VINnews/Daniel Berman, M.D.) — With great pain, we recently heard of two more grandparents attending two different weddings of their grandchildren, contracting Covid 19 and being niftar. I do not know the total count, but we have heard of more than a few other cases like this over the past year. It is gotten to the point where wedding halls are advertising “cages,” to protect the vulnerable.
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If it has gotten to the point that grandparents have to be kept in cages, perhaps it is time to evaluate carefully how we celebrate Chasunahs and the Simchas that accompany them. I understand the incredible Simchah that a chasunah brings to the parents and family. It is years of hard work from the time the children are born to bring them to the point of a chasunah, for them to raise their children and pass on our Mesorah. Chasunahs have traditionally been celebrated together with friends and family.
However, it is extremely difficult to keep Chasunahs and their accompanying Simchas (Vorts, auf raufs, and Sheva Berachos), safe during this period of history, when the SARS Co-V-2 virus (Corona) is still infecting members of our communities on a daily basis. Although the vast majority recover quickly, unfortunately some individuals have succumbed to this virus. Although the medical care is dramatically better than it was Purim and Pesach time, we are still having Levayas related to this infection.
Strategies that have been used to safeguard yeshivas (to some extent in shuls) are not possible in Simchas. These include careful screening for potential exposures, especially when bachurim and avreichim spent some time outside of the yeshiva, and also careful screening for symptoms. There is also a unified sense of purpose to keep yeshiva going which makes it easier to rely on reporting of exposures and symptoms.
In wedding with many guests and two families, often with different outlooks on the whole Covid 19 (the infection caused by the virus) situation, it is impossible to screen in this way. In addition, the excitement is so great for a chasunah, that someone who has symptoms that could be related to Covid 19, might overlook them so as not to miss the chasunah. I know of situations where the Kallah, Chusun, or parents of either were heavily exposed just prior to the chasunah and rightfully should have been in quarantine, but just could not pass it up. In addition, often the symptoms are so subtle, that someone may not even realize that he could potentially have Covid 19.
Furthermore, the close physical contact which is part of a chasunah, combined with the loud singing and heavy breathing makes a chasunah a set up for multiple infections. One infected individual can easily come into close physical contact with so many on the dance floor or even just walking around. Aside from the chasunah, the vort often crowds many people into a small space. Sheva Berachos have families generally close together in an eating situation with masks off, where again many infections have occurred.
In yeshivas, if bochurum get infected, the danger is minuscule. At chasunahs, there are often many members of the older generation. The grandparents may be locked up in cages, but other family members of the same generation are generally not.
The cage itself is no guarantee of protection. It is open on the top generally. Sometimes, individuals will venture out for a short amount of time. It also should be known that masks are not fully protective. Based on studies of particles the same size of virus, it appears that masks will block the majority of these particles, but not all of them.
Another issue is the tremendous anxiety that the Simchas create for families. Often, one side looks disparagingly at those who are concerned about Covid 19. The other side might feel very bad about “schterring” the Simchah or may be very resentful about the attitude of the other side, but most importantly, extremely anxious about their safety for the weeks leading to the Simchah.
We are hoping the arrival of the vaccines will greatly alleviate the problem. So far, it appears that there is little risk in taking them, and significant benefit, even if not 100% protective. With the vaccines and whatever else Hakadosh Baruch Hu will do to stop the spread of the infection, we hope that soon life will get back to normal. In the meanwhile, we should strongly consider curtailing the Simchas drastically. We can discuss in further detail how to do this. Certainly, the number of people at the chasunahs has to be reduced. Risk should not be taken if there are individuals recently exposed. Dancing has to be modified. The Sheva Berachos have to be curtailed and modified to take into full consideration potential risk. Vorts should be smaller and again consideration has to be given to find ways to minimize risk.
Let us continue to Daven for all this to end. For now, we should carefully evaluate what our Hishtadlus requires. We do not want to see any more Simchah stained with sorrow.
Daniel Berman, M.D.
It’s a waste of time! Our community is not behaving in the most reckless way their is backed by their leadership! When my wife was pregnant with a sick child, I was told abortion is not a option as we value life and here the community is not ready to do the minimum! The same rabbi that told me to keep the child alive and struggle the rest of my life and destroying my house and relationship made a wedding for over 5000 people!
Shame on them!
Thanks Dr. Berman for this very important message.
All those from the Hasidic community who cheered you so heartily a while back, when you defended their behavior vis a vis the danger attendant with metzitzah bipeh, should listen to you now when you warn them about this COVID-19 danger. After all, if they considered you credible then, why not now?
Those who didn’t accept you then, on the other hand, being more machmir vis a vis pikuach nefesh, should now definitely not take issue with you though, as you are advocating a more stringent stance at this time.
Dear Dr. Berman,
You are preaching to the deaf and dumb!
Our Charedi community are smarter then all the doctors in the world. The decisions on all medical items lie in the hands of the gedolim. We are a stubborn people and we must make full blown simchas even if we have pay with lives. Why bother, it is a waste of your time. Look to do more things with the intelligent, where you can make an impact.
Weddings should be toned down after Covid as well.
Dear Dr. Berman:
Kudos to you for your astute, thoughtful, and sensitive explication of this terrible and tragic matzav besieging our community, and the entire world.
During the height of the virus, I kept on saying: “Me Ki’amchah Yisrael” when hearing about the incredible feats of chesed being demonstrated by extraordinarily courageous and generous people and organizations in our community.
And I know, with the utmost certainty, that if I approached Yidden on the street and handed them a gun and said “Please shoot me!” they would cast me a horrified look and immediately call Shomrim or Hatzalah, because clearly I’m crazy, and no Yid would ever want to kill another, to be a rotzeyach.
But why don’t the people who are currently displaying such reckless and unconscionable behavior think – for a fleeting second – that they may very well be pointing the proverbial gun at their fellow Yid, when they make large Simchas with impunity, at which no one is asked or expected to mask, let alone socially distance? These people are potential murderers, even if indirectly. To place a single person in jeopardy is a crime. And let us not even start with the Chillul Hashem and anti-semitism that has followed in its wake. .
Thank you again for your letter. It is a sad commentary indeed that I have to label it “courageous.”
Warmest Regards,
Yitta Halberstam Mandelbaum
I’ve heard of suicide by guns but suicide by simchos is something new. It’s been almost a year since Covid started so everyone should know that older people should stay at home if they want to live. If they know better than all the doctors and scientists in the world then gesunterheit.
Instead of having hundreds of well wishers(that many of them come because they are forced) graze the buffet while the grandparents are locked up in cages. Make small weddings that follow the rules, and the second cousin, could come by at the end of the wedding to wish mazel tov and even take home some warm nuts and cinnamon buns
when you do not wear a mask, do not distance yourself and have huge groups for funerals , prayer services and weddings, especially indoors,
you are not only killing yourselves but spreading the virus to kill all of us. . RABBI DR. BERNHARD ROSENBERG
Stealing covid vax to ‘jump the line’ is a horrible transgression. Its already national news and a total disgrace.
It seems to me that wedding venues have much financial incentive to claim their safety measures are effective. It would be wiser to trust those with medical training who have nothing to be gained financially.
How can prevent these tragedies? WE must be mekabel something to get closer to HASHEM
Unfortunately I know from many grandparents we’re on lockdown down alone in their homes for months, they were wearing masks in their own home they were wearing gloves and did not allow any outsiders inside! their windows were taped shut! They only drank triple filtered water, they sprayed anything entering their home with disinfectant spray, and only communicated with their children via telegram.
Yet still, despite all the above effort they got infected with COVID-19 we’re taken to the hospital and died.
I am sick and tired of doctors and health professionals acting as if they don’t know you cannot run away from Covid you cannot hide from it.
Focus on early treatment.
Educate the public what to do upon the onset of the first symptoms! stop killing patients in the hospitals neglecting them and abusing them.
Stop pretending people can avoid getting Covid bylocking themselves up and isolating themselves for months.. it’s a lie that has been proven time and time over.
Everyone knows of at least one person that got Covid despite not attending a wedding despite not going to the synagogue despite sealing themselves shut into a lonely bunker.
very true, very important for all frum people to read and internalize.
Where I live in Ramot, a very frum rabbi refused to wear a mask in the beis medresh. He is now sick with the covid.
Note:
If you want to alleviate the pressure from Hatzalah and the hospitals (not to mention reducing, almost completely, any danger of death) then also follow the simple/easy instructions of the so-called “Zelenko protocol”. (Google it.)
It must be followed very soon after onset of symptoms.(Especially with the new strains.)
It’s for all adult ages.
It has a 65-year safety record similar to Tylenol. (Except for people with chronic heart conditions.)
Do not pay attention to the nay-sayers.
Over the past 8 months I’ve studied many thousands of cases/reports;
1) Every report of failure has clearl/blatantly not followed the simple and easy instructions.
2) Every instance, without exception, that DID follow the 3 easy steps, all have resulted with avoiding hospitalizations and worse.
3) I myself benefited from the protocol. As did numerous family members and friends.
L’maan Hashem, be prepared!
Anybody with a little Seichel can see online what i saw/found.
See for yourself.
p.s.
Anybody attempting to suppress this information, is violating numerous serious Torah prohibitions;
Including “Loy Saamod ahl Dom Ra’echu”.
B”H
Just finished sheva brochos for second close family Corona chasene. Small crowd, sat apart, guests without antibodies wore masks. The most freilach and beautiful chasenes we ever hosted. These chasenes, planned from now to the next hour, will be remembered forever by the couples and the people attending. Two sets of benchers with the date printed on them days after the actual simcha! Collectors items without a doubt!
You can have your simcha and stay safe, too! Have your closest and most precious with you.Don’t postpone, and don’t be responsible chas v’sholom, for someone not feeling well.
Each chasene hastens the Geulah: Od yishoma is not only a song: it’s a nevuah that we will see imminently with our very own eyes! Be ready!
MOSHIACH NOW!
A doctor who studies history is also a doctor
All real doctors, who care about their patients and all people, should educate themselves and start educating people about preventive options. We don’t need fear mongering, we need educated people taking care of themselves with doctors’ help and advise!
Nobody need to wait to get the virus or wait till hospitalization, – use preventive and/or treat earlier! There are options now, just stop politicization of medical field!
Search for AMA resolution 509(November) and Dr. Zelenko published data/study to see for yourself.
This pandemic is a man-made one, all for the sake of getting President Trump out. Real blood of a quoter millions people on hand of those in media, big tech and politicians!
People could be treated earlier and many would recover… in my family I was whiteness how doctors refused to prescribed until all symptoms show up(only fluctuating temperature was there), refused to test(back then it was an issue) and said to a 82 years old with diabetes to wait a week for symptoms… B”H he recovered on Zinc and Z-pac(or on his own), when tested 2 weeks later he had antibodies already… but how many didn’t?
Dear doctor
Unless you’re one of those doctors that people can go to at the onset of symptoms to receive one of multiple proven medicines that actually cure the virus, I’m not interested in hearing yet another person with MD. On their letterhead tell us how to live.
I am SO, SO, SO angry at this man and his message. Where has he been with this message for the past 9 months?? This is the man advising the Agudah, all or most yeshivos, and much of the heimish community, and could have made a huge difference by speaking up before now. How many are dead because he has waited this long to say anything, and because of the all heimishe yidden who all think they know better than everyone else in the world?? Furthermore, why are bachurim in yeshiva ok? Even supposing there are no long term effects of COVID on young adults (and this has already been proven false in some cases!) has this man ever heard of an off-shabbos where kids come home and infect others? Or yeshivos where kids sleep at home every night and do the same?? The irresponsibility of this man and many leaders of the heimishe community is DISGUSTING. I am so disappointed in our section of klal yisroel!!
I’ll just share this thought . I just returned from a taknus wedding that had probably at least 1000 people in The room at once and maybe up to 2000 including women . How you ask is it takanas? Because the overwhelming majority don’t come to weddings for the meal and food . We come for Simchas chosin vkala. That’s at no cost to the bal Simcha ( maybe a piece of kugel and that’s optional ) I can t remember the last time I stayed by a wedding for the full wedding aside for family . That’s outdated .
My question is what do you mean by tone down weddings ? How does that help
For Covid ? I assume you don’t mean invite fewer people ? Because I and many don’t even look at half my invites. I go if I hear that a friend is making a wedding . Usually they invite me but I and many don’t keep track of that . Are you proposing that we announce no one should come for dancing ? Dancing is the main part of a wedding ? And should we have door men to stop crowds from coming ? Is that what you want a wedding to look
Like ? So what do you want exactly ? What would your Covid indoor wedding look like ?
I get the masks by the way
Finally a doctor admitting masks don’t work
By now most of us have herd immunity. On rosh hashana and before , if one person got it , the next day 40 others in the block and in shul got it . Same for weddings where 100 people got it . Now we are seeing a few isolated cases but it’s not like its spreading to 50 people at a time . This is what’s happening in the greater nyc frum communities . Now those in more “ out of town “ like Baltimore may be different .
Ultimately life must go on, many of us have anti bodies , and here is some herd etc .. We can tolerate more risk taking . But of course some cautions should still be Taken especially for our elders . Masks for those with no anti bodies should be worn since that won’t impede life