New “Pocketing” Trend Grows as Dating Applications See Pandemic Boos

With all the usual dating spots shut down during most of the pandemic, singles and relationship-hopefuls took to dating applications to find a partner. But with a seemingly endless marketplace of attractive faces and bios, “pocketing” has become a growing trend for those who want to appear available.

Video conferencing is also increasing during the pandemic since it offers a chance for people to get to know each other beyond the bio. 

While this may or may not be a good thing, it highlights how relationships are evolving in the age of social media. This is especially true when coupled with a pandemic that restricted physical contact, and even made people afraid of it. 

Hide and Seek: “Pocketing” is the New Trend

So how can someone get their emotional and sexual needs fulfilled through a screen? For some, searching for new partners while dating on-line can be exciting. The resulting dopamine hit and ego boost from getting interest also entices users to keep searching. 

The problem is when they finally find a partner, but the search continues. This is what some are calling “pocketing” a lover, as in keeping them out of sight to the public. That’s not going to stop the use of such apps like POF, Badoo, LAC, or Local Sex Finder. But it is the new generation’s growing trend.

On an episode of the TODAY show with Hoda & Jenna, guest co-host Justin Sylvester explained the dating on-line trend in detail.

“Pocketing is when one person doesn’t acknowledge or post their boyfriend or girlfriend on their social media,” he said.

It should be noted that Sylvester is referring moreso to the popular social app Instagram, which is heavily image-based. Additionally, the app allows users to send private messages to anyone with a public profile. This feature opens up a world of possibilities to anyone on the app, giving them a chance to make their pitch to complete strangers. 

However, every user’s profile speaks for itself, and if someone doesn’t have any pictures of a lover or partner, then they’re available. At least, that’s what it looks like to the public. That’s why Sylvester believes that this is one of the warning signs that someone is being “pocketed.”

“Girls, if you’re in a relationship and your man hasn’t posted you, nine times out of 10, you’re a sister wife,” he said. “And you didn’t even know it.”

This doesn’t mean that for a contemporary relationship to be official, it must be posted on social media. Some people just don’t have social media and it’s not necessary to make an account just to announce a new partnership. This is the case with Host Jenna’s husband, Henry Hager, who doesn’t use Instagram.

“OK, but I have a husband and he doesn’t post anything about me,” she said. “Does he need to get on Instagram just to put our love out there?”

“No,” Sylvester responded. “Don’t ever, ever walk your man into Instagram if he doesn’t have it.”

Sliding Into DMs

While it helps to post pictures of a partner, it’s definitely not a guarantee that people won’t still try to reach out. This is one of the characteristics of Instagram which makes it tricky to use while in a relationship. 

Sliding into someone’s DMs, that is, sending them a private message, is easily kept secret, even among partners. Many people know this, and will purposefully reach out to someone who they know is in a relationship. This might speak to a weakness of dating on-line, and that partnerships may be less resilient in the face of so many options. 

“There are some nasty people out there that will slide into someone’s DMs because they think your man is the one,” Sylvester said. “So keep him off social media.”

But if both people regularly use social platforms to publicize their lives, then there’s really no reason not to post a partner. Not doing so may hint at some deeper issue, or the fact that one person is not really as committed to the relationship as the other.

“This is the thing, ladies and gentlemen,” Sylvester added. “I always say, if I’m in a serious relationship and we’re ready to take that next step and we have to have that exclusive conversation, then you should let the world know.”

The pocket trend hopefully ends up in something fruitful but for those hard on luck, there’s still MILF Fuck, a more transparent dating solution that has no strings attached.

Thoughts From a Relationship Expert

What we haven’t considered so far are the emotional implications of “pocketing” someone. And while it can happen to anyone, relationship expert Susan Winter doesn’t condone it since it can be hurtful.

“You can’t have it both ways. You can’t get the best of us in private and then hide us from the public. It makes the person feel like you’re ashamed of them, or that they’re inferior or inadequate and nobody wants to feel that way,” she said. 

Winter also said that “pocketing” is not really a new trend, and that it’s only ‘new’ since it’s now happening on social media. She referenced the term “side chick” which refers to an informal partner or hookup, and says that “pocketing” is just the next phase of that. 

Above all Winter believes that this trend is more about not wanting to let someone inside an “inner circle” of friends and family. This could be for several reasons, such as being ashamed, afraid, or just not ready. 

“You will know where you stand in your partner’s life by how far they let you into their inner circle,” she said. “So if your partner has never introduced you to their friends, and your partner has never taken you to a company party and your partner has never allowed a picture of the two of you together to go on social media… then you definitely do not have a partner.”

This might be difficult for some to take in, but as the saying goes “love is blind,” and we often don’t want to see the reality of a situation. Even more revealing are Winter’s last thoughts on the subject, which exposes a condition many online daters can relate to: fear of losing someone. 

“If you never let somebody 100% in,” Winters says, “you never really have to deal with letting them go in the same way that you would if you were in an official relationship.”

Future of Online Dating

They say if there’s a will, there’s a way, and singles have found it during the pandemic by exploring a multitude of dating applications. 

Notably, in March 2020, Tinder saw its highest swipe count in a single day: 3 billion. Similarly, OkCupid recorded a 700% increase in dates and video calls increased on Bumble by 70%. What is interesting to note is that not all of these dates are physical meet-and-greets. 

Video meetings have certainly seen an increase for work-related meetings, but they also work very well for first dates. 

“Live video transforms those moments of loneliness into moments of connection,” says Catherine Connelly, SVP of marketing at The Meet Group. Connelly also believes that video helps to connect people in a way that text and images alone can’t. 

While this may all be new, it is not as scary as many people think, and can often help reduce the anxiety of physical meet-ups. Getting to know the other person through a video chat may even increase the chances of a successful first date, since both people will know what to expect.