(VIN Podcast) — It can be heartbreaking, the thought of an older girl, who’s been dating for years, sitting and waiting for the phone to ring.
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What is the real cause of the crisis? Are there not enough boys for every girl? How can shadchanim redt more shidduchim and speed up the shidduch process? How can the system be reorganized, to give girls more leverage? What else can be done to alleviate the problem?
In this exclusive VIN interview, Abe Schonfeld shares a wealth of knowledge and wisdom about the Shidduch process. In addition, his practical advice and guidance could help many families who are grappling with the Shidduch Crisis.
For well over a decade, Abe was heavily involved in the world of shidduchim , as a shidduch event organizer, and continues to coordinate singles weekends and other events. He has made many shidduchim and has spent a great deal of time–studying and analyzing the crisis.
Abe’s intimate knowledge and advice can be extremely helpful for families with daughters (and sons) in shidduchim.
In this extensive discussion, Abe explains the “age gap” theory as a possible cause for the crisis. He also offers other suggestions.
He discusses valuable advice for dating boys and girls, as well as proper dating etiquette, and a huge array of shidduch topics.
If you have a child in shidduchim, you will appreciate this interview.
How many of these girls who can’t get married have rejected good men, because they were not tall enough — not just once, but many times?
How many of these girls who can’t get married have rejected good men, because they were not learning in yeshivah full-time — not just once, but many times?
How many of these girls who can’t get married have rejected good men, because they were Sephardim or Baalei Teshuvah — not just once, but many times?
How many of these girls who can’t get married have rejected good men, because they did not own a car — not just once, but many times?
One girl rejected me because I did not open the car-door for her.
Because apparently, she cannot open the car-door for herself.
One girl rejected me because I walked on her left side,
when she thought that I should have walked on her right side.
Girls reject good men for 1,000 trivial reasons — much too many to specify here — then complain that they can’t get married, and everyone believes them
In a non-biased way, the guy exposes the NASI scam for what it really is.
One should read well between the lines.
Abe had a lot more to unpack and deliver but due to different constraints and concerns he was limited. He has much more to say on the topics. Overall he produces much better and real info then most of the other folks murmurings out there..
Mr Schonfeld is very articulate and informed. He raises a few very valid points. I especially agree that a better way to close the age gap is to encourage girls to start dating at 21. Rather than boys starting younger when they are not as mature
so many wonderful singles are caught in the trap I wrote about. They are ones that should be insulted. AND DO NOT FORGET KEST GELT. Young men sit and learn all day while their wives work to support the family. If these were the brightest students that might be acceptable, but most of the time it is not. In my lifetime I have been responsible for the marriage of numerous individuals. I am not in the business of being a shadchan, I merely care. Love is precious and should be pursued. ONE should not judge based on yechis, or plastic covers on the table on Shabbos. So many outstanding young religious women are frustrated because they seek men who care, make a living, are intellectual bright, and treat women with respect. I agree there is also a middot crises, there are plenty of divorces in the frum community. wake up people and smell the roses. RABBI.
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12m
https://www.israelnationalnews.com/news/374958
Bernhard Rosenberg
That was A most informative lecture on Shidduchim !
Wow !
This is required listening for every Mother/Shadchan
Why do we say everything is bashert and then try to figure out why peope aren’t getting married?
Many shadchanim mean well but don’t understand. The shadchanim are busy with their life and family, while I make myself vulnerable and to to create my life. Why do we have to be reliant on a shadchan at this age??? There’s so much pain, pain, pain
Unbelievable.
All the complaints in the media and in real life about shidduchim for the last two decades, all get fixed and cleared up in this one informative lecture.
THERE IS NO SHIDDUCH CRISES
Hashem already setup your sons and everyone else’s son/daughter zivug 40 days before they were even born. Forget about the fact that now they are holding at around 20 or so years later since they were born. Hashem has their zivug waiting for them and can send it to your son/daughter immediately but is just waiting for each person involved in shidduchim to do their RUCHNIUS hishtadlus of Bitachon and Emunah(faith and trust in Hashem) together with Tefillos/Prayers.
Mrs. Seminary girl,/Mr. Learning/working boy Are YOU doing your RUCHNIUS hishtadlus? Not just your gashmius hishtadlus of dating and speaking to shadchanim etc….?
Start turning directly to Hashem for help in all your needs, especially shidduchim that they say is a bigger miracle than the splitting of the Yam suf.
Why are we not putting our faith and trust directly in our loving father, king of kings, ruler of the world Hashem? Especially when we all know the truth that Hashem has everything down to every person’s breath and penny of income already decreed since Rosh Hashanah for the entire upcoming year? Of course we need to do our Hishtadlus but the ultimate secret for success in our needs is to turn Directly to the source Hashem for help in anything
Many shadchanim, well meaning as they may be place undue pressure on the couple to hurry up and get engaged.
Question, for those girls in the yeshivishe cirlces that ended up marrying in their late late 30s / 40s – how many times was that same shidduch read prior over the past decades and was rejected? What percentage was it something that was never read before? I want the statistics. Can somebody do a survey? Deracheha darchei noam….
This was extremely difficult to listen to. I don’t think the host or interviewee have any experience in the interview process.
This guy knows little about yeshivish dating.
Take everything he says with a grain of salt.