BAILA SEBROW: The Real Story Behind Netflix New ‘Jewish Matchmaking’ Show

NEW YORK (Baila Sebrow / VINnews) — Netflix’s upcoming Jewish Matchmaking reality show is already creating an uproar and heavy criticism about its trailer featuring inappropriate innuendos, unsuitable for young viewers.

When Buckingham Television/IPC initially casted for production it was presented as a documentary being produced to demonstrate the beauty of Judaism and the various cultures and sects within. In fact, one of the aspects continuously promised and stressed by the production team was that this show will dispel any negative myths about orthodoxy resulting from the current Netflix show Unorthodox which stars Julia Haart.

There is so much more that took place behind the scenes. And since this is about a show that will be accessed and viewed by millions of people from all backgrounds and religions, the public has the right to know what has really transpired prior to its release.

This is happening at a time when matchmaking has become a corrupt business, with people joining the shidduch scene declaring themselves matchmakers. Some charge unreasonable fees, employ mafia-like tactics on their clients or other matchmakers they view as competition to their “business.”

Jewish singles are now oftentimes financially and emotionally exploited by unscrupulous matchmakers and dating coaches. Both professions, matchmaking, and coaching, are not regulated. There is no accountability, no consequences for poor relations or inappropriate conduct. Nor is there any recourse for anyone who is mistreated by anything related to matchmaking.

Within the last two decades Jewish matchmaking/shadchanus has taken a major nosedive. Gone are the days where every matchmaker was a pious person who dedicated his or her life to helping Jewish singles find their match for the mitzvah. Matchmaking now is an easy money-making venture (for some) that requires no formal education, or financial overhead.
My personal experience with this production company that has produced a documentary called Jewish Matchmaking for Netflix is par for the course of how matchmaking has been turned into an unethical business.

It has been my experience that the production company locked in an Orthodox matchmaker giving what appears to be a bono fide contract to gain information. While secrets about the production, plots, and characters cannot be revealed, however the First Amendment protects the rights of citizens to talk about and call out injustices. And that is why the president of the company begged me for my silence in exchange for $16,000 plus on-screen consultant credit.

Here is the behind-the-scenes scoop, and my sensational behind the scenes experience with this production company:

Late October of 2020, my private number rang. When I answered the phone, a woman on the other end of the line said that she works for the casting department of a television production company. At the time the woman would not tell me who gave her my private number, though later I did find out who referred me in a scheme to provide sensitive cultural information. It is part of this dramatic story.

My initial instincts told me to get off the phone, but my curiosity got the better of me. I heard her out. She insisted on a Skype meeting with me because I was recommended for starring as a matchmaker on a Jewish dating documentary, like Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. While we were talking, I Googled her name to check the authenticity of the production company she identified, and after feeling comfortable, I agreed to that meeting.

At this recorded meeting, I answered all her questions in full detail regarding how dating for marriage works within the various orthodox cultures and ages. She was intrigued hearing me explain the full descriptions of each hashkafa. (Hashkafa is a perspective that Orthodox Jews adopt that defines many aspects of their lives, dress codes, and customs). Moreover, she was excited to learn about the various hashkafos as it relates to their methods of dating.

I explained in broad comprehensive terms what Jewish matchmaking entails, including the history of matchmaking. She was very thankful for my information. She contacted me again and told me that she forwarded the recorded meeting to her superiors who were impressed and further intrigued. Meetings with other people from that production company followed. The woman got back to me saying that they want me for the part.

I met with several other members of that team, and I stressed to them that as an Orthodox Jewish woman and well-known international matchmaker for decades that I need the guarantee that Jewish matchmaking is presented in a positive manner demonstrating its’ beauty while being respectful of the various cultures within Orthodoxy. They agreed and stated that they share the same goal, again stressing that they want to dispel any negative myths about orthodoxy and Judaism perpetuated by the show Unorthodox.

Early December 2020 they had me sign a hold-contract stating that I won’t say a word to anyone about this project and that I won’t accept any other similar offer.

There were many more meetings with information that I gave them about how matchmaking is accomplished, including recruitment for matches and casting, as well as appropriate lingo. They asked me for pictures of my orthodox upbringing so they can get a better understanding of the culture.

They asked me to go to the home I was raised and collect pictures and other paraphernalia of Orthodox Jewish culture and send it to them. I did just that, spending hours poring through old family and community photos and documents, while using the camera on my phone to take shots. I sent them various personal photographs of my childhood, family members, holidays, celebrations, Jewish weddings, and tombstones of my loved ones. They wanted an explanation of each photograph, and in the interest of Kiddush Hashem, (sanctifying G-d and tradition) I obliged.

March 2021, they sent me a final contract, where I was hired for the part in this documentary, along with my commitment to their schedule and shooting dates. Yet again, one of the stipulations was that I can’t tell anyone about this project.

Early fall 2021, I received a call from Aleeza Ben Shalom who in the past referred to herself as a dating coach. She told me that she knows that I will be the “other” matchmaker on the show, since she’s the Israeli one. I did not confirm her statement until I had permission from the production team, because I pledged to keep silent about the project. At the same time, I was wondering if in fact what she’s saying is true – then how does she know about me, when I don’t know about her involvement in this documentary?

I immediately reached out to the production team, curious and perplexed as to how she knows about me since everything was top secret. That was the first time that they confirmed that there are two matchmakers for the show, and they said it’s OK for me to talk to her. When I did call her back, she expressed not being happy that there are two matchmakers for this show. I told her “I didn’t go looking for this, they recruited me.”
More meetings with production followed. More of my brain picking of the Jewish cultures. The producers sent me pictures and bios of many non-Orthodox singles to match. I started to feel uneasy about this upcoming documentary as I know that observant singles are concerned about marrying a compatibly observant spouse. I was then asked how I feel about matching LGBT for the show. I responded that my clientele in matchmaking does not disclose to me any orientation other than heterosexuality for matches.

They requested of me to refer orthodox singles to them, and I spent many weeks’ worth of hours researching, interviewing, and referring orthodox people from my database of thousands of singles with their permission for casting.

Meanwhile, the production team sent me shoot dates to be available covering a large span of time over several months. Some of those dates, included the requirement to travel out of state or country for shootings. Each time it came close to a shoot date, they cancelled. Yet, they kept in close touch with me to make sure that I don’t plan anything else on every one of those dates. I was consistently instructed to be available to them, and I was always compliant. During all that time, I turned down many offers and opportunities.

At one point I reached out to the other starring matchmaker since we were supposed to be working on the same team, and since she had made the first initiative of contacting me. She was very hostile to me on that call. I was surprised, but not really, as there had been a few issues with her several years earlier when she tried to utilize my assistance to help her get into what she referred to as “the singles business.” Yet, though we were allegedly going to work together on this documentary, I was still shocked at her hostility. Not only that, but it was relayed to me that she asked the production company to tell me not to contact her again.

More months went by, and I became aware that while the company was telling me that there is a delay in the shooting, they were shooting with her. I contacted them about it, and they assured me not to worry, that they are just shooting the matchmakers one at a time and to please keep all the shoot dates open and not plan anything else for those dates. There was one circumstance where they filmed a short episode with one of my dating couples. but they then used an excuse not to go through with it.

March 2022 word was out in the media about this upcoming show and the production team sent me an email to not say anything to the press about the show, and if anyone from the media reaches out to me, to let them know. They sent me more legal documentation requiring my signatures in April 2022 to assure me of their legitimacy and commitment, which I promptly addressed.

They still kept holding me to the shoot dates emailing and calling me assuring my availability to them. But I was getting very suspicious that something was not right.
More time went by, and finally, in August 2022, the truth was disclosed to me. The production company used me for information. Through a few phone calls, emails, and texts to me and the assigned attorney handling the contract, the production company was very apologetic expressing how badly they feel and how unfairly I was treated. They offered me $8,000 in compensation, in exchange that I sign a non-disclosure agreement. I declined the offer.

The president of the company then personally reached out to me, pleading with me for my silence, and he offered me $16,000 in agreement, and that I should sign a non-disclosure to not say anything about what has transpired about anything, and everyone connected to the company, show, etc. And, since I was a “CONSULTANT” he will add my name to the credits as a consultant. They sent me an agreement giving me 21 days to decide. Oddly, they pulled that offer less than 3 days without explanation. My attorney was flabbergasted, and she said that at this point, I need to retain a litigator.

I retained another attorney, and various phone conferences and emails took place. Fearful that I will go public with the story, they sent me a new contract offering me $16,000 for a “Consultant” credit for each episode for my silence. In other words, the production company wanted to ensure that their deceptive scheme remains concealed, with no recourse for me in exchange for a bit of hush money. That does not work with the integrity of my life’s work as a matchmaker.

Through a series of back-and-forth attempted negotiations, and frequent changes in their waiver and release they pressured me to sign, for my silence, it was getting more and more transparent that in my opinion this project – is not kosher. In addition, I was being contacted by people familiar with this project who somehow heard through the grapevine about my experience, and their concern of how this show will be depicted to non-Jewish audiences consequently resulting in Chilul Hashem.

Netflix is planning to premiere the show Jewish Matchmaking. It appears that to gain inside information about the orthodox world of dating from a matchmaker practicing 40 years who has been orthodox her entire life, the company that is producing this documentary was directed to seek me out and manufacture a seemingly bona fide contract and other documentations to fraudulently ensnare me in their scheme to gain information.

My orthodox background is such that I have unusually strong familiarity and knowledge within all the various customs in orthodoxy, and sects. Utilizing that opportunity to their advantage, it appears that the production company unjustly enriched themselves by taking my professional and valuable time and information. It also appears that they are using my information for mixing and matching for a very inaccurate portrayal of what real true Jewish matchmaking is all about.

In my opinion, based on the deceptive history of this production company, Orthodox Jewish singles will likely get the raw end of the deal about this show. Their vulnerability will now be exposed for the world to enjoy – all for money. I also can’t help but feel that this new Netflix show about Jewish matchmaking will do more harm than good. This is a culturally sensitive topic and if it is not handled with the respect it deserves, it will give way to antisemitism and harmful stereotypes that hurt the Jewish community.