NEW YORK – Over the past few days, our airports have been filled with Bais Yaakov girls whose years-long seminary dreams were about to come true as they scanned their boarding passes and headed to Eretz Yisroel. Their jam-packed suitcases weren’t anywhere near as full as their hearts, which were overflowing with enthusiastic visions of the experience of a lifetime.
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But there are other girls, too – broken-hearted Bais Yaakov graduates who are sitting teary-eyed in their rooms, knowing that they are being left behind. They are solid girls who never got that coveted acceptance letter from a seminary that aligned with their hashkafos, no matter how much their schools, their family rabanim, and concerned community members advocated on their behalf. While their friends floated blissfully through school and camp as they counted down the days to their seminary’s group flight, these girls sank lower and lower into the depths of despair, the pain of their rejection leaving them crushed and humiliated.
Let me tell you about those girls, because I know quite a few of them and have no doubt that there are others as well. I have spent hours on the phone with parents and rabanim trying to find placements for those girls, who have been served a triple dose of rejection after submitting their seminary applications, their choices approved by their twelfth grade mechanchos. These are girls whose dreams and faith in our educational system have been shattered, and I promise you, if you sat down and spoke to any of them, like I have, you would feel the same way too.
For the record, these aren’t the angry ramblings of a disgruntled parent – my daughter went to seminary, but the fact that my child has a place doesn’t absolve me of my responsibility to advocate for those who don’t. Right now, we have a window of opportunity, before seminary season starts again, to re-evaluate the entire process, before it destroys yet another group of girls. Let’s open up a conversation and see what we can do to make sure that next year, there are no girls being hurt and abused by the system.
Maybe we should be presenting a united front, making it clear to seminaries that we won’t be sending them our daughters until every girl is accepted.
Maybe the time has come to put an end to the notion that parents are expected to cover the astronomical cost of a year in seminary, an experience whose $30,000+ price tag is choking the average person and becoming unaffordable even for those who are doing well financially.
Maybe we should start steering our girls to other post-high school choices, quality domestic options that can offer girls a phenomenal and rewarding experience at a fraction of the cost of a year in Israel.
Maybe we need more seminaries so that the supply of slots can keep up with the demand, since we know that the number of girls graduating high school increases each year. And who knows, maybe if there is some real competition in the market, existing seminaries might be forced to rethink the exorbitant prices that they’re currently charging.
Maybe we should leave the Israel seminary experience for those who need it most – girls who are struggling in their Yiddishkeit, and create a new normal for the remainder of our high school graduates.
Maybe we need our daughters to step up to the plate and stand up for their fellow high schoolers, refusing to commit to a seminary until every girl is accepted to a school that is appropriate for her.
I don’t know what the answers are – I just know that the current seminary model isn’t working anymore and is becoming a black mark on our community.
We need to put our heads together and come up with a better alternative, because our girls are priceless treasures. I know that for most people, it’s easier to just look away than to try to change a system that has been in place for decades.
But imagine for a minute that it was your daughter watching all her friends flying off to Eretz Yisroel, while she stayed home, alone and rejected.
Would you still stay silent? Or once the problem touches your life, would you become part of the solution? The time has come for us to teach our daughters an important lesson that seems to have fallen by the wayside – kol Yisroel areivim zeh lazeh – by making sure that none of their friends or sisters will ever be left behind.
The whole concept of Seminary is terrible-it is a 50,000 strain on the parents.
You will say; no its 30k.
But when u add in the flights, clothing, phone, spending money, food, Shabbow food,
it all adds up to 50k. It is a disgustingly unnecessary expense that frum parents are expected to shoulder.
Oh-I almost forgot the mandatory “poland trip!” “how could you not go on the poland trip!” add another 5k for that.
I think the whole seminary and yeshiva year in Israel should be abolished.
Studying abroad is a luxury. Many families suffer financially because they gave in to the pressure to spend beyond their means.
Is going to EY for seminary an inborn right that every girl should expect & deserve?
Life is full of disappointments. I wanted to get into Brisk & didn’t get in, it was painful & I moved on to a different Yeshiva & did well there.
Let’s prepare our girls for rejection before it happens. It’s okay not to get everything we wish for; we can still live a great life! Hashem has a plan for each of us.
There are local seminaries for the girls staying in the States.
When you “just have to go to seminary” and seminary costs more than a takana wedding, we know we have issues to solve…
Yishtabach Shemo that my daughter wasn’t accepted. She is happily working in a job saving money to support her future husband.
Seminary = Non sense. waste of time. you spent over 120k tuition for the kid from nursery upto 12th grade and then u still need to spend 30k plus airfare plus CC expenses. for what ? they dont even know how to make a good kokosh cake or a warm crispy sour dow challah. and to top it off now you need to come up with another 120k for the wedding hashem yeracheim Guys be Smart. and give them a good job after high school and marry them with a income.
Seminary in Israel is a scam!
I have a better idea: Why don’t we put an end to this overpriced ($18-27K) nonsense most families can no longer afford?
The original idea was Seminary L’morot a teacher’s sem. to train the the next gen of Bais Yaakov (BY) mechanchos/teachers. How many of those graduates end up being BY teachers? A: It’s way less than 10%. Your daughter wants the EY experience? Send her on a frum birthright like the ones from NCSY (& other frum chaburas) trip for nearly 100% free.
Part of being an adult is to learn how to deal with disappointment. But it up to the adults to encourage their kids and enhance their sense of self worth. The problem is that parents are insecure and project their insecurities on their children.
So let’s all behave like adults and stop complaining about everything. No there is no crisis. Some people get in some people don’t. That’s life. We all claim we are Maaminim let’s act accordingly and believe that this is what HKBH has in mind for those girls
Time to grow up.
How about opening seminaries in the US?
Or a program that has learning plus vocational training, in a frum environment?
Think of it the other way. the girls that did not get in are actually the lucky ones. For way to long the seminaries have created the narrative that its impotent for Yiddishkeit that the girls go to seminary in Israel. The girls go there to learn way out of touch “Hashkofos” about how life will look if your parents are millionaires and choose to spoil you. The reality on the ground is that the heilige bnos yisroel that are raising the next generation of tamlmidei chachmim are doing so with the mesiras nefesh of not having a moment of time to think about themsefs,Driving the boys to learn torah in cheder. working hard in an office so their husband can stick it out in yeshiva another few years. That is the true mesiras nefesh that is building klall yisroel. (yes it involves texting babysitters, emailing school offices and of shopping online.)
WELCOME TO HA’BAER-THE WELL
LAUNCHING SEPTEMBER 7, 2025
The Well is a space for post-seminary students and young women in Five Towns to stay connec-ted-to Torah, to community, and to our own inner growth.
SUNDAY MORNINGS – 11:00 AM TUESDAY EVENINGS – 8:00 PM
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Bh I married of my daughters two out of three attended seminars in ey bh but I am very against this fad or trend to be pressured into going to a seminary in ey I questioned my second daughter before she applied to seminary’s and the answer I received was and I quote “ it looks better on the shidduch resumes “ well bh she married and fine ehliche young man but my daughter who didn’t attend seminary in isreal did just as well! There are so many reasons that I as a father had not to send my daughter to seminary financial,security,etc and I went against my better judgement and acquiesced I feel this isn’t fair for some people and yet they do it because of peer pressure and this shouldn’t be so.
If you have $30k to drop and your daughter wants to go to Israel – just send her! she could stay with the other girls who were “rejected” in a Hotel for 10 months, (or an Air-BnB if you cheaping out), tour the country, have a good vacation, and you would still have money left!
Or you dont have the money to pay for it, and the sem isn’t giving it away for free – its a business for them, and a luxury to send to sem in Israel, not a necessity.
Not sure if the mods will allow this, but here goes. As someone who grew up in late 60s and early 70s, went to a well known yeshiva that had roughly 100 graduates every year, seninaries and yeshivas in israel were unheard of. Instead we went to college because our parents, mostly survivors, wanted us to support our families. Most met their mates in colleges, singles events and weekends in the mountains. Enter the 80s when the market boomed. All of a sudden bmg went from a place for the elite and future leaders to a haven for every lazy bum who wanted to marry rich. Daughters were brainwashed that they must marry a kolel boy and if so they will merit gan eden. What a crock.
The insistence that every boy needs to be in kollel and every girl killing herself to support this lazy bum is what caused the shidduch crisis and in turn, the divorce crisis. Its unbelievable how many people in their 20s and early 30s are divorced.
There is no shame in working or marrying a working boy. Dont let the shadchanim tell you otherwise. Your daughters will be much happier. Ksiva vachasima tova to all!
Do our yeshivas no longer teach that everything is up to Hashem? If someone did not get in to a Seminary, that is the will of Hashem. There is a reason for this happening. We just don’t know it yet.
I know the girls love this year in IsrE, but the truth of the matter, it’s a bit of a joke.
It’s not seminary, it’s a holiday.
I live in Israel and my girls went to Seminary, Bais Yaakov Israeli one, Chabad
They all learned a profession and studied very hard Bur made something of themselves!
They learn Limudei Kodesh first, and then study for their profession
American seems are a waste of their life in Israel
What do they gey6out of it but fun??
Is that what life is about?
Would be nice
But it generally isn’t so
A lot of smart things were said in this opinion article and a lot of silly things seem to have crept in as well. For instance when you say that “those who need it most – girls who are struggling in their Yiddishkeit” I think that’s clearly patently untrue. Many solid girls have a huge year of growth in Israel and change their mind about things like marrying a long-term learner which they might not have picked up if they were to stay domestic. Don’t judge who should go and who shouldn’t go. Everyone should be able to go but maybe you should offer some type of student aid package instead of trying to force other solutions
Hard to believe that someone willing to pay the ridiculously high cost of seminary can’t find a place to spend their money. Something doesn’t sound right
BH those parents are saving 30k. They can imyH put it toward a wedding or pay off a different debt. For reasons known only to HKBK these girls dont need to be in seminary to fulfill their mission. Happens to be I know specifically a girl (typical litvish) who didn’t go to seminary. Whether or not she applied and got rejected I dont know but within a few months after 12th grade she was engaged while her friends were all shteiging away in 13th grade. Im not saying it happens to everyone but if high schools cant provide the fundamentals for ruchniyois for our girls then they owe your tuition back.
My daughter was accepted to a top sem and chose not to go. She’s doing a part time local sem program and going to college. That’s maturity.
If a girl goes to seminary to further her education, to enable her to get a good job afterwards then there is a purpose to seminary, but why can’t it take place nearer to home? If a girl is going to E”Y just because of peer pressure or to have a good time, then it is a waste of money
Maybe we should be presenting a united front, making it clear to seminaries that we won’t be sending them our daughters until every girl is accepted.
The above sentence is great until the words “until every girl is accepted”
Why don’t we have a discussion of why do people have to send girls to Israel for Seminary at all? The experience? Get married and go with your husband. If girls would start working earlier, they might be able to support the husbands that want to sit and learn. For those that want to marry a working guy, Great! Start working earlier and you will have more money to support the causes that mean much to you!
It’s a sickness of many in the frum community and we see it with everyday life. It seems that 30 to 40% have plenty of money for whatever, they pay whatever it costs for a house, I have the latest nicest cars, the parents and the kids who are driving (because after all they need their own car too right?) Go on the Nice expensive vacations and the heck with The remaining 60 to 70% of those that also need a decent place to live but can’t afford it because these self-centered people drive real estate prices through the roof for everyone else and that includes the whole seminary fiasco and summer camp etc etc.
this whole israel seminary fad is a waste of money a shud yiddishe gelt
There is a process in finding a sem. as in anything else u need an experienced mind to coach u a long.. 99% of the time it works out…many girls who got into their 3rd choice ended up seeing the hashgacha openly in hindsight
Others chose to be an akshan. ..and not get the hint , ended up sour ,and yes there are some mistakes as no process is perfect
Rabbi Blumstein is tackling this problem in the five towns
WELCOME TO HA’BAER-THE WELL
LAUNCHING SEPTEMBER 7, 2025
The Well is a space for post-seminary students and young women in Five Towns to stay connec-ted-to Torah, to community, and to our own inner growth.
SUNDAY MORNINGS – 11:00 AM TUESDAY EVENINGS – 8:00 PM
Yismach
1034 BROADWAY
WOODMERE
In the Shul
FOR INFORMATION AND DEDICATION OPPORTUNITIES;
PLEASE CONTACT:
Rabbi Heshy Blumstein
516-668-6534
Dear parents,
Are you among the unfortunates whose daughter didn’t get into Nachlas, Gedulas, Chemdas, Nitzas, Birkas, Chedvas, Tehilas or Rinas? Have no fear! Introducing CHERPAS, for the humiliated and downtrodden. When people ask you “which seminary is your daughter attending? you can simply say “one of the ones that ends with ‘as” but for the life of me I can’t recall which one.”
Yes, tuition is 27K plus extras, and we are full for this year, but better luck next year.
The Cherpas Staff
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, we need seminary girls because the “learning” boys that they marry have no idea how to run a Jewish home. The boys can learn a ‘blat gemoro” but have limited ability to understand hilchos kashrus, shabbos, tzitzis, tfilin, mezuza, etc. They follow what what they know,and that’s it. Other than that, seminaries are a waste of time and precious jewish money.
Abolish the ‘Kolel for all’ system ; then the Shidduch and Seminary crisis will disappear as well. When a Bochur knows that he can be set for life just by learning then he can afford to just choose the richest /prettiest girl around. He and his parents can ask for the sky and get it. Make him understand that the responsibility to support the family is his, then he is not so free as to be able to demand a first class ticket thru life without earning it. The girls will feel less pressure as the the boys become more realistic. Then there’ll be no need for the girls to fit that perfect ideal of going to seminary and then supporting the husband. It all stems from Roshei Yeshivos directing a system that is in their own self-interest.
Abolish the notion that learning all day is the norm for everyone. 10% of Mesivta boys should go on to full time learning. The rest should go apprentice in a trade, become a plumber, electirican, salesmen or go to college.
It will solve many societal ills.
But it won’t happen. You’re all sheep.
Maybe we should leave the Israel seminary experience for those who need it most – girls who are struggling in their Yiddishkeit, and create a new normal for the remainder of our high school graduates.
This is a terrible Idea, like sending the weakest bachurim to the IDF.
this is just the jewish version of snowflake culture: everybody gets a gold star for showing up. which is a bad life lesson for our kids. life is full of setbacks and disappointments – learning how to deal with them produces resilient, successful adults.
Monday we will read the letter about the girl whose life is not worth living because she didn’t get into seminary. Tuesday we can read the letter from the guy who ended up homeless because his daughters all went to seminary. Wednesday maybe the girls who didn’t go to seminary can write about how they can’t get married now. Thursday the fathers will write about how expensive weddings are making them broke.
Dear Parent of Heartbroken Daughter,
After 12 years of endowing your precious daughter to the school system for education and discipline, perhaps now you can bond with your daughter and go with her on a trip to Eretz Yisroel where she will visit Mekokos Hakedoshim, Daven, and gain a valuable experience alongside her own family. Give her the experience you feel she’s missing out on and make her feel special. Many famous people didn’t follow the crowd. Sara Schenirer, the Chofetz Chaim etc. Teach her to be an individual in her own right. That is the most valuable lesson of all. Shana Tovah!
Quick, someone write a letter about how your finances are destroyed from seminary expenses !! Tell the VIN crowd how much your family is struggling because your daughter absolutely HAD to go to seminary and HAD to buy a new wardrobe. And then it was such a wonderful year she begged and begged for a second and you couldn’t say no and now you are losing the house because you took out a loan you couldn’t afford.
I went to seminary here in Israel…i wouldnt say back then 30 years ago it was the best thing.
Adjusting to new culture and a new country was very hard. I was the only brit amoungst americans.
I think that most come for the experience ie we had trips all over the country…we did have classes. But i felt very out of place.
Girls came with tons of money…eating out at restaurants going down to ben yehuda eg was the norm for these girls.
Another point i need to mention..girls are expected to make their own shabbos plans..the sems have no food over shabbos..that was my days.
I”ve been living in israel since i left sem..nothing has changed..girls take it as a holiday and do what they want. There is also no supervision when girls go.out during free time.
I know of a rabbi who gave into the pressure of his spoiled daughter demands to have a year in israeli semninary. When she came back after the year she was such a frum snob, she refused to eat her father’s food because she ‘paskened’ it wasn’t hechsher enough
This has got to be the phoniest letter ever posted on this site.
They come out of Seminary much Dummer than when they went in. They come out with a crooked way of thinking.
We cannot question daas Torah